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I'm 30+ yo roleplayer and have no friends

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  • #16
    Maybe my players are not so worst? Yesterday, one of player that was not on my birthdays give me this big teddy bear. It's almost twice funny, as in Polish, words for 'Master' and 'Bear' sounds somehow similar. So I got 'Game Bear', where I'm constant Game Master and also in Gay Bear minority in LGBT+ movement. It's very fun and sweet from him.





    My stuff for Realms of Pugmire, Scion 2E, CoD Contagion, Dark Eras, VtR 2E, WtF 2E, MtAw 2E, MtC 2E & BtP
    LGBT+ through Ages
    LGBT+ in CoD games

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    • #17
      Returning to the topic in times of COVID-19 pandemic - How are you doing with long term Loneliness in hobby in times of pandemic?

      I try to organise things to have even buddies to play in multiplayer on computer and consoles - but it's not working. I started private fan Discord server for Onyx Path fans in Europe - but it's only mildly active. I started private Discord for multiplayer gaming on PC and consoles with gaming buddies - but only 2 buddies joined it. As it seems, I'm just socially repulsive and alone outside my relationship. I try to play on my Nintendo Switch, but I feel I need some REAL contact with people, outside of work - especially, with Lockdown over out near future in Poland.

      I try to play Among Us with Polish gay bear circle on PC - but I also feel as outsider there, as I REALLY do not know those people outside as avatars in Bears of Poland Facebook group... I REALLY need face to face RPG session - but even my planned Halloween special for They Came From Beyond the Grave will not come before the end of this month... And, of course, players are not readying and characters for it, so I'm not even can ease my mind, working over scenario...

      And now it rains outside...


      My stuff for Realms of Pugmire, Scion 2E, CoD Contagion, Dark Eras, VtR 2E, WtF 2E, MtAw 2E, MtC 2E & BtP
      LGBT+ through Ages
      LGBT+ in CoD games

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      • #18
        I just saw this cause I rarely post in the off-topic forum. I’m an empath and I feel bad for you. You seem really nice.

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        • #19
          Thanks for kind words Penelope - two weeks later it seems to going in better direction. We paused our Werewolf game, as main plot is about magical sickness - nothing relly cool to run in global pandemic. However, I prepare Scion 2E game now, in vein of Tomb Raider series. starting in Ukraine. Our video game Discord server started to be semi-alive with Halloween events in games. And I pointed to mini-convention idea on the server in the times of proper spooky holiday. I also run They Came From one-shot on Halloween itself...

          So I got some hobby activities to plan and do - and as such, feel a bit less lonely. Yesterday 'session 0' for the They Came From Beyond the Grave was nice, and it recalled me my nerd buddies connections. Partner talked with our buddy over Discord for half an hour about Stephen King books - it was really cool. Even if slightly annoying, as we chat for the character creation for the game. But was cool, non the less.
          Last edited by wyrdhamster; 11-01-2020, 07:08 AM.


          My stuff for Realms of Pugmire, Scion 2E, CoD Contagion, Dark Eras, VtR 2E, WtF 2E, MtAw 2E, MtC 2E & BtP
          LGBT+ through Ages
          LGBT+ in CoD games

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          • #20
            End is near! ( Of the year ) How are you nerds sticking in Xmas-New Years season? 🎄

            I'm semi-hopeful. Got console games from my partner on early Xmas gift - Immortals Fenyx Rising and Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity - got holiday days from work from my boss (yupi!) - and preparing Xmas themes Scion one-shot on 26th of December to run. ( With Xmas Pantheon Noel by Oskar Eggertson! )

            I also spinning Xmas and New Years related events on our gaming Discord - but for now, have no ideas what to do... Any good ideas you have?

            Also, my new ongoing 'week-to-week' Scion chronicle, after 3 sessions, starts to get momentum. And nearing the rise of Atlantis! (spoilers )

            Overall, with games in slots and some reactions from my gamer buddies - world starts to look much more positive.

            HOWEVER, it seems as I mostly write on Discord and preparing games - rest of my group just hoops on when things are set by me. Well, at least we have fun, I see some new memes and hear new jokes when doing nerd things... It's at least somewhat hopefull, compared to 'sludging dread', only few weeks ago...


            My stuff for Realms of Pugmire, Scion 2E, CoD Contagion, Dark Eras, VtR 2E, WtF 2E, MtAw 2E, MtC 2E & BtP
            LGBT+ through Ages
            LGBT+ in CoD games

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            • #21
              I sent one of my friends a copy of Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity, and was looking to get Untitled Goose Game for my sister but couldn’t find it. :-/


              He/him

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              • #22
                Originally posted by wyrdhamster View Post
                End is near! ( Of the year ) How are you nerds sticking in Xmas-New Years season? 🎄

                I'm semi-hopeful. Got console games from my partner on early Xmas gift - Immortals Fenyx Rising and Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity - got holiday days from work from my boss (yupi!) - and preparing Xmas themes Scion one-shot on 26th of December to run. ( With Xmas Pantheon Noel by Oskar Eggertson! )

                I also spinning Xmas and New Years related events on our gaming Discord - but for now, have no ideas what to do... Any good ideas you have?

                Also, my new ongoing 'week-to-week' Scion chronicle, after 3 sessions, starts to get momentum. And nearing the rise of Atlantis! (spoilers )

                Overall, with games in slots and some reactions from my gamer buddies - world starts to look much more positive.

                HOWEVER, it seems as I mostly write on Discord and preparing games - rest of my group just hoops on when things are set by me. Well, at least we have fun, I see some new memes and hear new jokes when doing nerd things... It's at least somewhat hopefull, compared to 'sludging dread', only few weeks ago...
                As it is around Xmas and levity is needed, you could have Sanctacaris arrive from Canada. That's 'Santa Claws,' a fossil crab named by some scientists who were being silly. I have a crab necklace I got as a gift one Xmas and always remind everyone based on the famous Xmas letter, 'Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus,' that there is a Santa Claws and that Santa Claws comes down from Canada (site of the North Pole). Maybe Santa Claws is there to help everyone open presents?

                https://burgess-shale.rom.on.ca/en/f...hp?id=109&m=1&

                While 2020 has had many horrible things happen, it's better as we get near the end than it was this spring and summer. We'll get through this with our gamer friends and other nice people.

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                • #23
                  Returning half year later, I check with you, other lonely nerds there!

                  In my life things are much better, even if got some a bit dread. I got semi-serious COVID infecion at start of April and even been in hospital for it for two weeks. Till this day I got some breathlessness, from time to time, but generally, healing helps and it's moving away. I also change departments in work for web development and become 'coordinator' of it ( junior manger ).

                  As to topic semi topic - Let's talk RPG online games. I run constantly Scion 2E and Realms of Pugmire alternating between them weekly for half a year now. They are both online only games now. ( Three players in two teams of 4 and 6 are from my local groups, but rest is online only meet people over internet. )

                  But here is a thing - What's with online game withdraw?

                  RoP game is rather stable - only got one player to withdraw at early stage of character creation for campaign. But in Scion, i got a bit rotation. First local RPG club older buddy ( in age of my older brothers, after 40s ), second that was colleague of dedicated new player, now third player that joined to use 3 months ago, from United Kingdom. First because of larger work in life ( I understand ), second had apparently depression episodes ( or so she said ). Third left officially, because one of my constant, closes gamers buddies was late on three sessions - like 1-2 hours late. I can get he was irritated and on that game session went to party with his buddies in UK - I get that. I do not understand that after the late player apologized, UK player still suddenly left the team. Not with some drama, so my partner advised to just quietly let him, don't bother.

                  So I made second recruitment for players in 3 months for Scion. It seems a bit strange. As it's my third in total in last half year, I see that from 4-6 people 'interested' in particular campaign, only 3 stays till proper game. Doing character sheet for new game is a bit too much for most players? It's my only requirement and test beside having the time for play. Or people that come forward to game are on 50:50 chances not thinking through their time commitment.

                  What do you think about players commitment to online game and leaving it just after few weeks?
                  Last edited by wyrdhamster; 06-05-2021, 04:31 AM.


                  My stuff for Realms of Pugmire, Scion 2E, CoD Contagion, Dark Eras, VtR 2E, WtF 2E, MtAw 2E, MtC 2E & BtP
                  LGBT+ through Ages
                  LGBT+ in CoD games

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Originally posted by wyrdhamster View Post
                    I love the videos of Kurzgesagt!

                    And if you don't mind, I think your story shows a lot of how chronicle loneliness affects you in the way the video tells.

                    You had a problem with the people you called "friends" in the past and then went into defensive mode. You built a strict definition of Friend as your armor, where you'll open up and be vulnerable only to someone that proves to be your Friend, but no one will approach you if you don't open up. You're an ST/GM. That means a group of people is whiling to reserve a chunk of their time regularly just to spend time with YOU and immerse themselves in YOUR ability to wove stories. This is a lot of social commitment right there, but your defensive state keep saying to you that this is not enough. Somehow they have to come to your birthday party. Why not just hang up a few hours after the game? Go watch a movie, or just go to a bar, even if you don't drink.

                    That part in the video is true, when we feel lonely (been there for many years) you create defenses against social pain that only make you lonelier.

                    On the question of player commitment online, this is always a hard bet, you're apparently doing fine. Seriously, it takes a lot of tries, it is what it is.


                    #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs
                    #AutismPride
                    She/her pronouns

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                    • #25
                      Hi,

                      I don't know if you still feel like this, but I hope things have improved. I'm in a similar situation, but I think I'm learning how to improve it bit by bit.

                      My biggest problem was that when I was young, I went from having shitty friends or no friends at all to having a friend that I love more than a brother, someone who made me feel alive, fearless, and connected like no one else. Then years ago he had to leave to another country and since then I can't help but judge every new relationship based on what I had with him. Rationally, I know it's neither fair nor realistic to hold other people to such standards, but that lingering feeling of "it's just not the same" keeps following me. My solution was to understand that relationships are not a matter of all or nothing, there are different types with different intensities and each one brings something different that it's special in its own way. You have family, coworkers, gaming friends, classmates, and even the people you talk with in the forums. I still miss my best friend, and I don't think I will ever find a connection like the one I had with him, but that can't prevent me from enjoying other types of connections for what they are or even find one that is similar to what I had.

                      I hope that my words help somehow, and I wish you a happy day.

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by Firanai View Post
                        Rationally, I know it's neither fair nor realistic to hold other people to such standards, but that lingering feeling of "it's just not the same" keeps following me. My solution was to understand that relationships are not a matter of all or nothing, there are different types with different intensities and each one brings something different that it's special in its own way.
                        I understand that friendship is rare. But I still write I have problem with even more on casual 'good casual buddies that do not they ignore you, even on basic <when we will have game night>'. Yes, my standards are even this low now...

                        Over past 2 years when I play online, I met some cool people - even when I did not seen them on my own eyes. I only know them on internet ( and voice chats of ours ) but they seem more like kindred spirits.

                        On contrast, those that I meet from time to time IRL on our local gaming club - they failed me more than once. Right now I wonder if I should throw off from gaming group older gaming buddy, we played in RPG club for over 5 years now, with 2 of them on pandemic ( on online sessions, started from our gaming club ). He do not even answer on simple 'can you get on game session next week' massages on FB - 4th week in the row. If he will not answer till tommorow, I will call him on his cellphone, to get the jist of what's happening.
                        Last edited by wyrdhamster; 11-15-2021, 09:08 AM.


                        My stuff for Realms of Pugmire, Scion 2E, CoD Contagion, Dark Eras, VtR 2E, WtF 2E, MtAw 2E, MtC 2E & BtP
                        LGBT+ through Ages
                        LGBT+ in CoD games

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          So the update on the subject... I'm started psychotherapy in mid of November of 2021 with depressing, overwhelming thoughts - 'autodestruktywne thoughts' we call them on therapy. Things like 'Maybe world will be better without me', you know. With coming Spring, I'm more and more optimistic - and this almost half year of therapy made me much more resistant to those negative feelings.

                          With therapy, I try to reconcile I do not have friends. Maybe it was big depressing thoughts that made me seek 'true friends' - maybe I just get easier without them. I just run a lot of RPGs and try to change my work.

                          Today got one big hope shot, in general - There is Hope for Earth! 🌏 The world should not end as postapo wasteland because of Climate Change - it will be hard, but humanity should survive. Technology, trends and social changes from the last decade show that we CAN save our home - and remade the world! More information on In a Nut Shell channel
                          https://youtu.be/LxgMdjyw8uw

                          As Climate Depression was one of fundamental sources of my thoughts - this science based essay is lifting my spirit, a lot! We CAN have future like in TC Aeon or Star Trek! 🌈
                          Last edited by wyrdhamster; 04-05-2022, 02:49 PM.


                          My stuff for Realms of Pugmire, Scion 2E, CoD Contagion, Dark Eras, VtR 2E, WtF 2E, MtAw 2E, MtC 2E & BtP
                          LGBT+ through Ages
                          LGBT+ in CoD games

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Originally posted by wyrdhamster View Post
                            Today got one big hope shot, in general - There is Hope for Earth! 🌏 The world should not end as postapo wasteland because of Climate Change - it will be hard, but humanity should survive. Technology, trends and social changes from the last decade show that we CAN save our home - and remade the world! More information on In a Nut Shell channel
                            https://youtu.be/LxgMdjyw8uw
                            As a nice coincidence I came here right after watching this new Kurzgesagt episode (they use the original name before the translation on other languages, so don't worry).

                            I'm happy to know you're recovering. Things will get better. If you need medicine too, take it. But what's more important is that you're improving your mood and mental health.


                            #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs
                            #AutismPride
                            She/her pronouns

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              At one time, I had to go through my phonebook and cross out all but about three names, because all everyone wanted to do was the same exact thing they had done the previous weekend, getting intoxicated. If you have no friends, any adventure that would normally involve a risk of losing friends can be undertaken without hesitation. There's a kind of courage that can come from solitude. I find that the best way to make new friends is to focus on what you bring to the exchange. What and how much are you willing to do for others, within reason? Being naturally curious about other people goes a long way.
                              Last edited by HorizonParty2021; 04-05-2022, 07:38 PM.


                              He/Him... I just Love Witches. I am here for conversation rather than formal debate. My Hacks.

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                              • #30
                                In my now 1,5 year Scion 2E game, I make 3rd recruitment phase for players. Like in clock, 9 months pass by - and even more stable players are going off the game. Why is it?


                                My stuff for Realms of Pugmire, Scion 2E, CoD Contagion, Dark Eras, VtR 2E, WtF 2E, MtAw 2E, MtC 2E & BtP
                                LGBT+ through Ages
                                LGBT+ in CoD games

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