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  • Originally posted by Papa Bear View Post
    Yes, it can be your hormones. Yes, it can be your depression. The two together will team up against you and try to kick your ass. Just remember, it's your brain, not theirs. Not always easy., but give it a shot.

    And tell your husband it's time to grow a pair, FUCKING MAN UP and help with the kid(s)! He helped bring them into the world, he'd better help raise them. I got 2 Baby Bears at home (6 & 4) and I am on my feet all day for work, then get home, play with them for a bit (it would be longer if I didn't get home so late), help get their baths done, make sure they're in bed on time. In the morning, I'm getting them up, dressed and presentable to the world, fed well enough to keep them until snack time and off to school/daycare before getting myself ready and off to work. I am (multiple expletives) sick to death of overgrown boys (men know their duty to home & hearth) playing this card of "well, I had a hard day at work so I shouldn't have to deal with the kid(s)."

    BULLTSHIT!!!!!!!!! Man up and own your responsibility. You think our ancestors just laid around the house. They busted their asses from dawn to dusk AND THEN HELPED WITH THE KIDS! This "only women watch the kids" shit didn't pop up until the INDUSTRIAL AGE! Y'know, that thing that happened only a century and a half ago!

    And I'm gonna stop here because this ain't the "I Hate" thread.

    Sorry, go back to your regularly scheduled program.


    ((can you tell one of my hot buttons just got pushed?))

    Yep getting double teamed by hormones and depression, sounds about right. I do remind myself its my brain, hence why I get up and do things like clean the house, because FUCK MY BRAIN.

    If I told him that he'd just throw a hissy fit about my nagging him. Dont get me wrong he DOES help with the baby when I ask, but NEVER without a huge fit, and guilt trip over how he never gets any time off blah blah cry me a river.

    I am a stay at home mom, so my "work" is taking care of the baby, and handling housework during the day. He doesnt consider that work so according to him he doesnt see why i should get time off when I dont work. He whines that I take a nap during the day saying its not fair cause he doesnt get to sleep at work. Uh, i'm not negelecting my "work" growing a human is tiring, so when my daughter naps I nap to sneak in some extra rest so i can contiune being able to care for her.

    He always wants to play video games, complains about how I never cook, and how he never gets a break and its not fair. Grrr. Whats not fair is being told what I do isnt equal to what he does, just because I dont bring in money doesnt make my job less important or not work.

    His childcare methods annoy me, he wont give her baths, gets frustrated at diaper changes(since she tries to run away andd it pisses him off), I cant really leave him with her ALL day as he also wont stick to her routine she's used to in regards to when she naps as he doesnt want to have to lay down in a dark room and be bored just so she can sleep. (She wont nap unless cuddled in a dark cold room.) 98% of the time I find out he forgot to make sure her sippy cup had water or juice in it, and she goes HOURS without anything to drink when he's watching her. So now before I go lay down i fill at least 2 sippy cups for her and make sure she knows where they are...

    I bust my ass taking care of her. Its not like I get free time much. during the day i'm lucky if I can get on my phone for a bit before she climbs onto me to try to steal it. My laptop is collecting dust at this point!

    Oh icing on the cake for this dickhead i'm married to? EVERYTHING i do is disgusting. I was throwing up and he had the nerve to tell me to hurry it up as it was grossing him out and that I had better clean it up. (I threw up on the living room floor, bathrooms upstairs and it came on so suddenly I KNEW i wouldnt make it to the bathroom, stairs are a bitch to clean so living room floor was the better option).
    I have shitty bladder control and its gotten worse since I got pregnant and got whooping cough 3 months ago.(Its gone, but the cough can take months to go away) I pee when I cough. he told me I need to stop cause its fucking disgusting to pee yourself. UH yes i'll get RIGHT on that, I cant control it AT ALL i've tried. I hate it its annoying but I live with it, it s a joyful side effect of pregnancy.
    He makes me feel like I'm disgusting for shit outside of my control.

    I"M RANTING.

    But yes, men should 100% have equal part in child care. I hate the excuse that he worked all day and thus should get time off. Sorry dude it doesnt work that way. We have a kid, and another on the way. You cant OPT out of being a parent when its inconvient to you and what you want to do and only parent when its fun or not a burden. Its not unreasonable to offer to take over so your pregnant wife can get a little rest. To me that just seems like common curtosy. am I wrong in that??


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    • Also, as someone who had a father who was abusive a lot, mixed with a bit of complete lack of consideration... it's better when a father cares. And taking time to do stuff with the kids shows them he cares about them.



      ​When noise turns to silence, when colors dull and pale, when reality no longer makes sense, there shall you find me. There, in the dreams of the River of Faceless Millions, do I dwell.

      http://harenm.deviantart.com/gallery/ for my art.

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      • I was in a car accident on the 14th. Rearended another car going 40mph. I DONT remember why i didnt see her slow, I'm thinking maybe it was the sun, but I just know one second i'm there next second i aware again and seeing the car in front of me had stopped. I hit my breaks, they slipped and didnt slow the car. I smashed into the back of her car. I dont recall details of the moment of the crash. I remember a LOUD sound, and getting hit with the air bag. I didnt pass out, but i was stunned for a moment. I turned off the car right htere in the road, got out, shaking and pulled my baby out of the car and walked to the side of the road holding her close and sobbing while she cried. A wonderful woman who lived in the house infront of the wreck, came out and talked to me, sat with me and helped me with freyja while I calmed down and called my husband at work to let him know what happened, and then to call my mother in law to come get the baby while i delt with the police and such. The women spent over a half an hour with me. Another BEAUTIFUL person that day was a man in a red shirt who lived down the street, he saw it happen, and hurried over to me, asking if we were okay, before asking if he could move the car somewhere safe. I didnt even hesitate to give him my keys, he moved the car, and came back up to us a few minuets later, he said there was a lot of smoke and he looked it over to be sure it wasnt on fire, removed the fuses, and disconnected the battery. He even got a pan to catch the leaking coolant. I thanked him so many times as he left. He came back out 10 minuets later with bottles of water for me, freyja and the kind woman who was sitting with me.

        The woman I hit, her car took ZERO damage somehow thankfully. She was so kind, and was more concerned for me and my daughters welfare then that of her car.

        All said and done the cop took down my info, me and the other driver exchanged info, and my mother in law took me and the baby home. I ended up going to the ER 2 hours after the accident at my doctors insistence. I was hurting. She was worried that the force could have hurt my unborn baby. I checked out fine, was given norco and sent home to rest. 2 days later the pain wasnt any better, doctor changed me to percocet. I've also been smoking ABSURD amounts of weed for the last 3 days as it helps the pain, and relaxes me so i dont freak out or panic. The accident scared me more then i've ever been scared. I've been high as a kite for the last 40 hours i think? As when it wears off, I smoke more.
        Husband stayed home from work the last three days to take care of the baby full time because i was high and couldnt take care of her. And even if i wasnt smoking the pot at the time, my percocet knocks me out flat cold, and makes me so loopy i dont feel safe carrying around a baby etc.

        tonights my last night of painkillers and weed I just needed a few days to heal physically and to destress mentally. I'm still scared, I still have the what if thoughts, what if i had done something different, WHY did i not see her slow down in time? I've never zoned out like that. What if freyja had been hurt? I havent seen the car since the accident. I dont think i want to. I couldnt imagine attempting to fix it i could NEVER drive it again, i'd shake everytime i drove it in fear. I'm afraid of that car now, afraid of the memory of the wreck.

        The car is destroyed. I have bruises on my chest and stomach from the seatbelts and airbags. Whiplash in my neck, and it aggrevated my back pain. freyja got crazy lucky, the only thing she had was a slight scrape from her car seat belt. No bruises, no residual pain the next morning.

        We are now trying to save up for a new car(Well new used car.) We have to have one its not optional, i have prenatal check ups, freyja has appointments, i have therapy to go to etc. I sucked it up and made a gofundme to share around my family, since we are not in any posistion to buy a new car, it could take us a year to save up enough on our own

        I'm dealing with so much. I'm battling depression, then this happens. Now i have high anxiety, and worry. I havent driven since the accident either, I'm afraid when we do get a car i wont be able to drive, what if i'm to anxious? I have never felt this kind of stress and fear, its differnet then anything i've felt before. It shook me to my core being in that accident.



        You can see the hood damage better in this one then the others. After the guy fixed it we were NOT able to open the hood again. Its stuck tight.




        Front end damage, it cracked the radiator, folded the hood, likely damaged the engine.




        The white cloth on the dashboard in this picture are the air bags, both driver and passenger side went off. Windshield cracked from the impact.



        Last edited by Scelesta; 09-18-2016, 03:27 AM.


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        • Originally posted by Scelesta View Post
          I havent driven since the accident either, I'm afraid when we do get a car i wont be able to drive, what if i'm to anxious?
          I was in a series of car accidents over the course of a week that made my vehicle unusable about three months ago. One was very similar to yours - I was going about 70 on the freeway and rear-ended a truck in front of me because my brakes weren't responsive (actual impact was at about 30 MPH)

          I had a very, very similar feeling.

          I'm going to be honest: It changed how I act on the road entirely. For a couple of months, I was so paranoid and anxious driving that it was actually a detriment. I didn't really have a choice but to keep going, though, and the past month has been better. The past week especially - I've been able to drive without freaking out at all, although I'm still much more careful and wary of my surroundings.

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          • Originally posted by Scelesta View Post
            I'm dealing with so much. I'm battling depression, then this happens. Now i have high anxiety, and worry. I havent driven since the accident either, I'm afraid when we do get a car i wont be able to drive, what if i'm to anxious? I have never felt this kind of stress and fear, its differnet then anything i've felt before. It shook me to my core being in that accident.
            Quite the rough story you got there, sorry to hear it. I was in a traffic accident a few years ago myself, long story short, I came close to being repsonsible for the death of my baby sister.

            I think an important part of my recovery was that I got back behind the wheel soon after my crash. I think it was the following day my parents forced me to take a drive in the countryside, just to "Get back on the horse"...

            Maybe you should considder getting some driving done, borrow someones car for a few hours, and drive a bit around outside the city where there aint a lot of traffic... If need be, go slow. If your really uneasy, book some lessons with a driving instructor. Everyone Ive ever met in this situation (Me included) agrees that the longer you wait, the harder it becomes to get back in the swing of things.

            I wont bother telling you to seek professional help; if your battleing depression, then your probably more or less in the same boat as me, and know everything I can tell you about professionals being there to help you... Even though they totally are there to help you, and anxierty can be overcome

            Then again, thats just my perspective. Wont pretend to know what works best for everyone.


            Decent storyteller. Poor Banjo player.

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            • Originally posted by Sarner View Post

              Quite the rough story you got there, sorry to hear it. I was in a traffic accident a few years ago myself, long story short, I came close to being repsonsible for the death of my baby sister.

              I think an important part of my recovery was that I got back behind the wheel soon after my crash. I think it was the following day my parents forced me to take a drive in the countryside, just to "Get back on the horse"...

              Maybe you should considder getting some driving done, borrow someones car for a few hours, and drive a bit around outside the city where there aint a lot of traffic... If need be, go slow. If your really uneasy, book some lessons with a driving instructor. Everyone Ive ever met in this situation (Me included) agrees that the longer you wait, the harder it becomes to get back in the swing of things.

              I wont bother telling you to seek professional help; if your battleing depression, then your probably more or less in the same boat as me, and know everything I can tell you about professionals being there to help you... Even though they totally are there to help you, and anxierty can be overcome

              Then again, thats just my perspective. Wont pretend to know what works best for everyone.

              Actually thats exactly what i did. Grandpa got is a cheap used car a couple days ago and i immiditaly took it for a drive alone down the road i haf the accident on. I had to be sure i was okay and not be afraid of that road.

              I was fine. I agree waiting would have made it harder.


              I wish my one year had recovered as well. She used to love car rides and now she cries and freaks out if i even go near the car with het and its a fight to get her in. Poor thing has anxiety over it i think. But like myself i contiune to keep taking her with me. Life cant stop because of an accident.

              I talk calmly to her and offet her my phone to distract her and calm her. Im sure in time she wont even remeber this.

              Im surprised how easy it was to just drive again after a week. I thunk part of it is that for three days after the wreck i kept myself high as shit on my painkillers and weed and slept through the worst of my anxiety and fears. Then when it came time to do it i just went for it.

              Im in therapy! Its lame but required to get meds lol im used to the system it sucks.


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              • I'm on new mood stabilizers, after a few brief stays in the hospital, and I have no idea what my brain is doing.
                I'm in my head a lot. I'm finding myself trying to communicate in very specific, and sometimes contextually inappropriate, ways. Recent example: thinking and talking using paradigms and jargon from an rpg. I don't think I'm delusional, but I can'treally understand the world much except through this lens.
                Does this make any sense?


                “Nobody is purely good or purely evil. Most of us are in-between. There are moths that explore the day and butterflies that play at night.”
                - Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute The Sun
                (She/Her)

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                • I wouldn't know the word for it AzraelFirestorm, but sounds like perfect sense. First, game systems try and give a reality that makes sense internally, if not the same sort of sense as our world. It has rules that we know and can understand. Second, chances are you know those rules pretty well, so the fact your mind reaches for them when you're having problems communicating makes sense.



                  ​When noise turns to silence, when colors dull and pale, when reality no longer makes sense, there shall you find me. There, in the dreams of the River of Faceless Millions, do I dwell.

                  http://harenm.deviantart.com/gallery/ for my art.

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                  • Originally posted by haren View Post
                    I wouldn't know the word for it AzraelFirestorm, but sounds like perfect sense. First, game systems try and give a reality that makes sense internally, if not the same sort of sense as our world. It has rules that we know and can understand. Second, chances are you know those rules pretty well, so the fact your mind reaches for them when you're having problems communicating makes sense.
                    Thank you. It's comforting to know I wasn't acting like a complete nut. The way you put it makes it fit more logically to me now. I'm having trouble with life, so I'm trying to use another set of life skills to get by internally. I suppose the worst immediate downside is just annoying people by talking in fluent VtM instead of English.
                    Makes me wish I had a local WoD game I could plug myself into.


                    “Nobody is purely good or purely evil. Most of us are in-between. There are moths that explore the day and butterflies that play at night.”
                    - Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute The Sun
                    (She/Her)

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                    • Well, if you ever want, I know a pretty cool group of people on IRC and maybe you could drop by there (and there are games... though no WoD, just Exalted and Nobilis (I run the Nobilis).



                      ​When noise turns to silence, when colors dull and pale, when reality no longer makes sense, there shall you find me. There, in the dreams of the River of Faceless Millions, do I dwell.

                      http://harenm.deviantart.com/gallery/ for my art.

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                      • Originally posted by haren View Post
                        Well, if you ever want, I know a pretty cool group of people on IRC and maybe you could drop by there (and there are games... though no WoD, just Exalted and Nobilis (I run the Nobilis).
                        Your invitation is happily appreciated.
                        Exalted is in my wheelhouse and I'm a curious enough squirrel to check out Nobilis. I don't use irc much, but I'll definitely give it some thought.
                        Thank you haren !
                        Feel free to pm me if you ever feel like talking games or whatever.


                        “Nobody is purely good or purely evil. Most of us are in-between. There are moths that explore the day and butterflies that play at night.”
                        - Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute The Sun
                        (She/Her)

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                        • Anyway, as I was going to say before haren was so nice:

                          Today is frustrating and I feel sad and I want to blankity blankity blank until I can't even feel my blanks. That's blanked up, but I'm just tired of feeling blank.

                          Angry song.


                          “Nobody is purely good or purely evil. Most of us are in-between. There are moths that explore the day and butterflies that play at night.”
                          - Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute The Sun
                          (She/Her)

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                          • I might just do that, but probably not today specifically.



                            ​When noise turns to silence, when colors dull and pale, when reality no longer makes sense, there shall you find me. There, in the dreams of the River of Faceless Millions, do I dwell.

                            http://harenm.deviantart.com/gallery/ for my art.

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                            • I've been having strong suicidial feelings for the last few months and if anyone knows a good source of support or way to deal with them that would be nice

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                              • Originally posted by Geckopirateship View Post
                                I've been having strong suicidial feelings for the last few months and if anyone knows a good source of support or way to deal with them that would be nice
                                See a doctor or mental health specialist?


                                You've been playing around the magic that is black
                                But all the powerful magical mysteries never gave a single thing back

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