Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

The Mental Health Thread

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Originally posted by Geckopirateship View Post
    I've been having strong suicidial feelings for the last few months and if anyone knows a good source of support or way to deal with them that would be nice
    Talk to a psychologist if they aren't too hideously expensive where you live.

    If you have any projects that take up a big part of your life right now, then drop them and hang out with people you value and talk to them about stuff you like.

    Not stuff you like in the sense of "roleplaying games" or "running", but more like stuff you really like, such as when I talk to all my soulless lawyer friends about soulless lawyer things such as taking ridiculously much money from people and screwing them ov-

    Wait that wasn't supposed to come out.

    What I'm trying to say is that you should relax and do the stuff that you most enjoy.

    From personal experience, it tends to help.


    "There is a remedy for everything but death, a hope for everything but wickedness, and everything will lapse except righteousness."

    Comment


    • I tried. It didn't. Tried to come back. I can't think of a better course of action. I'm never going to fit here, and that's just a microcrosm of how I'm never going to fit the world, and nothing I hope for or desire will never happen. I'll never live forever. I'll never have the body I want. Literally the only reason I'm still alive is fear of dying, and everyone tells me fear of dying is wrong. I don't know how to do it, though, but it can't be that hard. I don't know if I should leave a note and be dramatic, or just get it over with. I think, contrary to what everyone says, suicide is just the best option for some people. It was dealing with deathists that made me realize that suicide was the best option, but I realized that it isn't just because of them. It's bigger. Nature itself is why I want to die. The reason deathists bother me is that they, like almost everyone else, can't see the sheer awful horrible monstrous sickening inescapable hopeless awfulness of existence. Every single scientific principle and natural law disgusts me. Knowing that evolution and physics have us trapped in disgusting, decaying, oozing sacks of flesh on a dying inescapable rock prison in an inexorably fading universe makes me realize that there's no point in being alive. The only reasons I ever cared about humanity or the environment was because it was all we had. Fear of death was the only thing that ever motivated me. All I have to look forward to is fifty or so more years of misery and disappointment. Let the world and everything on it die, since everything dies and apparently that's a good thing.

      You know why I didn't kill myself already? Because I held out hope that I could live forever and escape my body. And it looks like neither will be possible. There's absolutely no fucking point.

      I really, really want to do something that will permanently destroy my body, though. I want it gone. If I can't escape it, at least I can destroy it. I wish there was some way I could get all the pictures of me destroyed. And I wish there was some way I could convince everyone who knew me that it was the fault of the universe itself and there was nothing they could have done.
      Last edited by Geckopirateship; 10-08-2016, 03:36 AM.

      Comment


      • That is... pretty dark. Believe me, I do am sorry that you feel that way, and you know you really got on my nerves to a point no one ever did, still I have no ill intent towards you and really wish you could be happy.
        I just don't know what to do or say to make it so.


        I'm So Meta Even This Acronym

        Comment


        • I got on your nerves more than anyone else? Jesus christ, the goddamn gall. You showed up in a homebrew thread to complain that I had said "morality stat" instead of "integrity stat", and you continued to badger me about it even after I repeatedly explain that it was a mistake born out of force of habit. As much as I want to be gracious and say that this forum and community had nothing to do with it, I honestly can't say that I'm sure I would be here if I hadn't started spending time here or hadn't gotten into WoD/ChroD. The events here of the last few months were what brought me here, but I can at least say that I guess it isn't really their fault. The entire universe is set up to create a society and culture that validates their perspectives, and I know very well what it's like to have a hard time taking criticism. I spent the last few days trying to think of reasons not to kill myself, and I couldn't find any. I went back over everything- every conversation, everything I'd ever done, my life, my future- and there's no reason at all to keep going. The only hurdle remains my body. I guess I can always just ask for it to be cremated and the ashes to be flushed or something. If it bothers you, remind yourselves that as much as you'll feel obligated to say you're sorry that it happened, you'll still overall be better off and happier with me gone.

          EDIT: Note done, got everything I need, ready. Death is great and nothing to be afraid of, based on what I've heard, so I guess it's time.
          Last edited by Geckopirateship; 10-09-2016, 02:07 AM.

          Comment


          • Later gator


            You've been playing around the magic that is black
            But all the powerful magical mysteries never gave a single thing back

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Geckopirateship View Post
              I got on your nerves more than anyone else? Jesus christ, the goddamn gall. You showed up in a homebrew thread to complain that I had said "morality stat" instead of "integrity stat", and you continued to badger me about it even after I repeatedly explain that it was a mistake born out of force of habit. As much as I want to be gracious and say that this forum and community had nothing to do with it, I honestly can't say that I'm sure I would be here if I hadn't started spending time here or hadn't gotten into WoD/ChroD. The events here of the last few months were what brought me here, but I can at least say that I guess it isn't really their fault. The entire universe is set up to create a society and culture that validates their perspectives, and I know very well what it's like to have a hard time taking criticism. I spent the last few days trying to think of reasons not to kill myself, and I couldn't find any. I went back over everything- every conversation, everything I'd ever done, my life, my future- and there's no reason at all to keep going. The only hurdle remains my body. I guess I can always just ask for it to be cremated and the ashes to be flushed or something. If it bothers you, remind yourselves that as much as you'll feel obligated to say you're sorry that it happened, you'll still overall be better off and happier with me gone.

              EDIT: Note done, got everything I need, ready. Death is great and nothing to be afraid of, based on what I've heard, so I guess it's time.
              I hope you're alright and today was a bit better than yesterday.

              Comment


              • Again, I don't feel obligated to do anything, much less feign caring if I did not.
                But I do.
                And I just was pointing out that despite having had issues in the past with you (even if you consider that it was only my fault) even then I still prefer to have you around.
                Death is not the answer.


                I'm So Meta Even This Acronym

                Comment


                • Originally posted by Geckopirateship View Post
                  I tried. It didn't. Tried to come back. I can't think of a better course of action. I'm never going to fit here, and that's just a microcrosm of how I'm never going to fit the world, and nothing I hope for or desire will never happen. I'll never live forever. I'll never have the body I want. Literally the only reason I'm still alive is fear of dying, and everyone tells me fear of dying is wrong. I don't know how to do it, though, but it can't be that hard. I don't know if I should leave a note and be dramatic, or just get it over with. I think, contrary to what everyone says, suicide is just the best option for some people. It was dealing with deathists that made me realize that suicide was the best option, but I realized that it isn't just because of them. It's bigger. Nature itself is why I want to die. The reason deathists bother me is that they, like almost everyone else, can't see the sheer awful horrible monstrous sickening inescapable hopeless awfulness of existence. Every single scientific principle and natural law disgusts me. Knowing that evolution and physics have us trapped in disgusting, decaying, oozing sacks of flesh on a dying inescapable rock prison in an inexorably fading universe makes me realize that there's no point in being alive. The only reasons I ever cared about humanity or the environment was because it was all we had. Fear of death was the only thing that ever motivated me. All I have to look forward to is fifty or so more years of misery and disappointment. Let the world and everything on it die, since everything dies and apparently that's a good thing.

                  You know why I didn't kill myself already? Because I held out hope that I could live forever and escape my body. And it looks like neither will be possible. There's absolutely no fucking point.

                  I really, really want to do something that will permanently destroy my body, though. I want it gone. If I can't escape it, at least I can destroy it. I wish there was some way I could get all the pictures of me destroyed. And I wish there was some way I could convince everyone who knew me that it was the fault of the universe itself and there was nothing they could have done.
                  So, I doubt this will exactly help because i know if someone gave me this advice when i was feeling similarly it wouldn't help me, but here's what i got.

                  Step out. Stop pouring so much of yourself into rule books and text files where you try to make that one perfect game that you really really want to play out of the scraps of a game that doesn't quite measure up to your expectations. I had to remove myself from some things that I loved for almost two years, because i was putting too much of myself into gaming and it was throwing off my mental balance. Find something you can put your mental focus on and invest your health in and build yourself up. Look for support groups that you can share your issues with.

                  I got a cactus, cause it doesn't mind not being watered when you're trapped in your own head for a week. I took up watercoloring and i have a bunch of shitty watercolors of my cactus now, they liven up my walls. Now i have a dog, and she does wonders for getting my head unkinked when I'm in a bad place.


                  When one is accustomed to privilege, equality seems like oppression.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by Geckopirateship View Post
                    I spent the last few days trying to think of reasons not to kill myself, and I couldn't find any.
                    Stop right there.

                    You have people here saying that they don't want you to die, persisting in thinking that they want you to die is the voice of defeatism. Don't go there, because it's not a question that you'll ever find an answer to, it's infinitely more easy to find answers to why one should kill oneself than why one should stay alive.

                    Originally posted by Geckopirateship View Post
                    I went back over everything- every conversation, everything I'd ever done, my life, my future- and there's no reason at all to keep going. The only hurdle remains my body. I guess I can always just ask for it to be cremated and the ashes to be flushed or something. If it bothers you, remind yourselves that as much as you'll feel obligated to say you're sorry that it happened, you'll still overall be better off and happier with me gone.
                    Fuck no.

                    Every time I see that "Forget it" quote in your signature, I wince slightly, because it's just such a different attitude to what you opened up with. You used to crack jokes and have plenty of ideas and talk about how cool the games you played were, and while I disagreed with you, I disagreed with you as a fellow forumite, just like I disagree with other fellow forumites. But please, fucking please don't go this road.

                    Originally posted by Geckopirateship View Post
                    EDIT: Note done, got everything I need, ready. Death is great and nothing to be afraid of, based on what I've heard, so I guess it's time.
                    I have a successful life.

                    I'm a lawyer, I work hard, I have a lot of money and I have a nice house (okay, it's a large apartment but I have a car to go with it, so it's a nice house).

                    I have an intelligent and beautiful girlfriend from Syria that I can geek out over games and discuss law with.

                    I have a lot of RPG books and a loyal group of players that I gather with every saturday evening and together we tell the story of an Amalgam of Technocrats desperately fighting against the dark.

                    It is good.

                    But it isn't all that.

                    My body feels like a cage, it's lungs are diseased and weak. My mind cannot help but think in order and patterns and I have alienated several potential friends with my demands for hierarchy and control, I'm afraid of time to a degree that the mere exploration of concepts such as the end of the world can send me into a panic and accelerate my heart rate.

                    My country is in the hands of a bumbling incompetent and the local equivalent of National Front who constantly devise new laws that tear apart everything that this country stands for, and it may soon be called into question whether my girlfriend can even fucking stay here.

                    My best friend of ten years was killed in the Ferguson riots, and everyone hates him for being a police officer who only did his job.

                    My life was literally fucking shit, and this was only two years ago.

                    I fucking considered the suicide option, I really did.

                    And you know what? I was too fucking chickenshit to do it, and I couldn't even kill myself.

                    And I do not regret that fear.

                    Because, if I hadn't chosen to live there, there would be countless of nice people I would never have met.

                    So I implore you, do not think "is there anything worth living for?", ask yourself "could there be anything worth living for?"

                    I really hope this helped.

                    I really do.


                    "There is a remedy for everything but death, a hope for everything but wickedness, and everything will lapse except righteousness."

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by Dwight View Post
                      Later gator
                      This is absolutely unacceptable as a response to someone struggling with thoughts of suicide.


                      Going by Willow now, or Wil for short. She/Her/Hers.

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by Geckopirateship View Post
                        I got on your nerves more than anyone else? Jesus christ, the goddamn gall. You showed up in a homebrew thread to complain that I had said "morality stat" instead of "integrity stat", and you continued to badger me about it even after I repeatedly explain that it was a mistake born out of force of habit. As much as I want to be gracious and say that this forum and community had nothing to do with it, I honestly can't say that I'm sure I would be here if I hadn't started spending time here or hadn't gotten into WoD/ChroD. The events here of the last few months were what brought me here, but I can at least say that I guess it isn't really their fault. The entire universe is set up to create a society and culture that validates their perspectives, and I know very well what it's like to have a hard time taking criticism. I spent the last few days trying to think of reasons not to kill myself, and I couldn't find any. I went back over everything- every conversation, everything I'd ever done, my life, my future- and there's no reason at all to keep going. The only hurdle remains my body. I guess I can always just ask for it to be cremated and the ashes to be flushed or something. If it bothers you, remind yourselves that as much as you'll feel obligated to say you're sorry that it happened, you'll still overall be better off and happier with me gone.

                        EDIT: Note done, got everything I need, ready. Death is great and nothing to be afraid of, based on what I've heard, so I guess it's time.


                        I dont know you, I tend to lurk, and hide here in off topic.

                        However, I do agree with you suicide IS an option, but I feel like it isnt the ONLY option. especially in your case.

                        Things suck I get that, but it wont always. Life takes work, you are really the only person who can take their life and make it count. Dont let your negative thoughts destroy that.

                        When you looked back at your past and saw things you didnt like you jumped to use that to make sure your choice to end your llife was right. Maybe try looking at those things in the past you didnt like, examine them, WHAT in them did you not like, what can you change. Use your past to learn and grow, try not to let your past consume you in any form. Getting stuck on something you said or did in the past is common, take that step to use your experience to better yourself.

                        If you dont like therapy, maybe reach out to some friends, if you dont feel comfortable talking to friends about things like this. Post here, vent anything, seriously. Just getting it out can be so helpful. Or (And as always this applies to ANYONE here on OPP) if you badly need an ear NOW, and cant wait for a slow fourm reply, and need another person but find the crisis hotlines uncomfortable. Text me, I can easily text most hours of the day, hell I can even accept a call if its an emergency. 503-840-5311.
                        I will glady be an ear to listen, no matter how stupid you think whatever is bothering you is, etc. I'm NOT easily offended, I DONT judge, I am just a person who cares about the well being of others, even those I dont know.

                        I hope that you decided against suicide. I truly do. Please be well, and take care of yourself.


                        Follow me on twitter! https://twitter.com/scelestai

                        Comment


                        • And just remember a few things: the best day dead still is worse than the worst day of living. Why? Because dead means there's no other options. Life means you still have choices. Pain is part of life. The only things that feel no pain are dead things. What is good is easy to get, and what is terrible is easy to endure (Epicurus).


                          - If you must be ridiculous, I must ridicule you.
                          - Those that can give up essential liberties in exchange for temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. -- Benjamin Franklin

                          Comment


                          • I support everything that Scelesta and Papa Bear just said.


                            "There is a remedy for everything but death, a hope for everything but wickedness, and everything will lapse except righteousness."

                            Comment


                            • Anyone has a way to reach Gecko and make sure they are ok?


                              I'm So Meta Even This Acronym

                              Comment


                              • If anyone here knows Gecko, or has been in touch with Gecko, please message me. I got to this forum by searching their tumblr url and they're not picking up on skype or coming online.


                                I don't even go here.
                                (I check my inbox in the morning and in the afternoon)

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X