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  • The most recent activity on Gecko's Tumblr was on Sunday, and it was an announcement that they had finished the note and a goodbye. Littlewords here said they haven't been online on Skype since then either. If anyone knows any other way of contacting them, please let me know.
    Last edited by Charlaquin; 10-12-2016, 02:31 AM.


    Onyx Path Forum Moderator

    My mod voice is red. I use it so you know when I'm speaking in an official capacity, not as an indication of tone.

    Going by Willow now, or Wil for short. She/Her/Hers.

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    • Fucking damnit there are no ways to find someone's email on tumblr or here, so I can't try and do that.

      Fucking damnit I feel so fucking useless right now.


      Darkframe - Crossover setting that puts Chronicles of Darkness in the far future that is Warframe.

      "The weeping in the world will not decrease if we do not weep together."

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      • Originally posted by Charlaquin View Post
        The most recent activity on Gecko's Tumblr was on Sunday, and it was an announcement that they had finished the note and a goodbye. Littlewords here said they haven't been online on Skype since then either. If anyone knows any other way of contacting them, please let me know.
        If you have a general idea of location, which should be something an admin can find, you may be able to check the IP and then contact what would be the nearest law enforcement office. If they didn't go through with it and decided to take a break they may still get baker acted but its better than a corpse.


        pls respont

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        • Originally posted by Geckopirateship View Post
          I'm never going to fit here, and that's just a microcrosm of how I'm never going to fit the world, and nothing I hope for or desire will never happen. I'll never live forever. I'll never have the body I want. Nature itself is why I want to die. Every single scientific principle and natural law disgusts me. Knowing that evolution and physics have us trapped in disgusting, decaying, oozing sacks of flesh on a dying inescapable rock prison in an inexorably fading universe makes me realize that there's no point in being alive. The only reasons I ever cared about humanity or the environment was because it was all we had. All I have to look forward to is fifty or so more years of misery and disappointment. Let the world and everything on it die, since everything dies and apparently that's a good thing.I really, really want to do something that will permanently destroy my body, though. I want it gone. If I can't escape it, at least I can destroy it. And I wish there was some way I could convince everyone who knew me that it was the fault of the universe itself and there was nothing they could have done.
          You know what my problem with your dismissal of deathists is?

          I live my life haunted by the certainty of all that. I live my life in defiance of that certainty. I live my life knowing I'll lose in the face of that certainty.

          Whether you live or die, come back here or find somewhere else to be, that's your choice. You handle that spectre how you will. But if you catch this and wanna talk about it, I'm willing.

          PS to others: Yes, I am aware of the situation, yes, this is how I decided to respond.


          Sean K.I.W./Kelly R.A. Steele, Freelance Writer(Feel free to call me Sean, Kelly, Arcane, or Arc)
          The world is not beautiful, therefore it is.-Keiichi Sigsawa, Kino's Journey
          Male/neutral pronouns accepted, female pronouns enjoyed.

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          • Originally posted by ArcaneArts View Post
            Whether you live or die
            Is this an attempt at possible internet necromancy?

            Internecromancy?


            Darkframe - Crossover setting that puts Chronicles of Darkness in the far future that is Warframe.

            "The weeping in the world will not decrease if we do not weep together."

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            • Originally posted by ManusDomine View Post

              Is this an attempt at possible internet necromancy?

              Internecromancy?
              No, it's called respecting her choices, even if I disagree with them.


              Sean K.I.W./Kelly R.A. Steele, Freelance Writer(Feel free to call me Sean, Kelly, Arcane, or Arc)
              The world is not beautiful, therefore it is.-Keiichi Sigsawa, Kino's Journey
              Male/neutral pronouns accepted, female pronouns enjoyed.

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              • Originally posted by ArcaneArts View Post
                No, it's called respecting her choices, even if I disagree with them.
                The "it's called" part is unnecessary and comes off as condescending.

                I am very well aware of how one respects another person's choices, I was mostly cracking a joke to distract myself from the sadness I feel every time I look at this thread, which may be a sign that I shouldn't look at it in the first place.


                Darkframe - Crossover setting that puts Chronicles of Darkness in the far future that is Warframe.

                "The weeping in the world will not decrease if we do not weep together."

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                • Originally posted by ManusDomine View Post

                  The "it's called" part is unnecessary and comes off as condescending.

                  I am very well aware of how one respects another person's choices, I was mostly cracking a joke to distract myself from the sadness I feel every time I look at this thread, which may be a sign that I shouldn't look at it in the first place.
                  I think you have a better sense of what to crack jokes about. That said, I do apologize.

                  And sadness is good for the soul. Keeps us empathetic and thinking beyond ourselves. It hurts, but I'd encourage you to keep your eyes here.

                  The weeping in the world will not decrease if we do not weep together.


                  Sean K.I.W./Kelly R.A. Steele, Freelance Writer(Feel free to call me Sean, Kelly, Arcane, or Arc)
                  The world is not beautiful, therefore it is.-Keiichi Sigsawa, Kino's Journey
                  Male/neutral pronouns accepted, female pronouns enjoyed.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by Charlaquin View Post
                    The most recent activity on Gecko's Tumblr was on Sunday, and it was an announcement that they had finished the note and a goodbye. Littlewords here said they haven't been online on Skype since then either. If anyone knows any other way of contacting them, please let me know.
                    Those are the only two contacts I have with them, and I hadn't seen that last chain of posts on their tumblr.

                    Fuck.


                    Call me Regina or Lex.

                    Female pronouns for me, please.

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                    • I don't have much to say. I know dealing with Gecko on the forums was frustrating to me, but I also hope they spoke with someone and got the help they needed, whatever it is or was. I've been in similar mental knots about things where ending my life seemed like the only way to resolve things satisfactorily. I know that when my family spoke with me and said "it's only a permanent solution to a temporary problem" I would sigh and agree with them because not lying to them and telling them that I really felt that my death would make so many things better for everyone long term would just upset them.

                      I still think that if I had gone through with it when I was 16, they would have recovered some time in the last 17 years. They'd still be sad if they thought of me, but they'd be better able to live their lives.

                      IDK, it's just something I have to grapple with all the time I guess.


                      When one is accustomed to privilege, equality seems like oppression.

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                      • Originally posted by ArcaneArts View Post
                        I think you have a better sense of what to crack jokes about. That said, I do apologize.
                        Heh, jokes and scathing sarcasm are my primary coping methods, but I'll attempt not to bring any more of it in here, unless asked to.

                        And thanks for the apology.

                        Originally posted by ArcaneArts View Post
                        And sadness is good for the soul. Keeps us empathetic and thinking beyond ourselves. It hurts, but I'd encourage you to keep your eyes here.

                        The weeping in the world will not decrease if we do not weep together.
                        Yes, but I have enough sadness in my life right now, especially pertaining to suicide.

                        One of my clients killed herself with arsenic today and my country feels like it's falling apart as politicians who are either too blind or too opportunistic use the xenophobia and fear to funnel more and more money into their pockets and pass more and more restrictive laws.

                        And I can't even be angry because I'm the target of those laws, hell I stand to benefit from them.

                        And there's absolutely fucking nothing I can do except lend my voice to the choir.

                        But I think, I'll add your quote about weeping to my signature. It's a good one.


                        Darkframe - Crossover setting that puts Chronicles of Darkness in the far future that is Warframe.

                        "The weeping in the world will not decrease if we do not weep together."

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                        • It's quite a thing to attempt suicide several times over the course of weeks, try to get myself together, try to self-reflect while I'm lying there healing various self-inflicted wounds, finally come back, look at the messages people have sent, and then hit a screeching halt when you see that one of the people who tried to help you unironically uses the term "tumblrina", and then wanting to throw it all away and give suicide another try. I wish I could stride triumphantly back like the wounded but victorious hero to tell you all the epiphanies I've had and my newfound appreciation for life, but the truth is that I'm only here because trying to kill myself ended up being yet another failed strategy. I've come up with nothing to refute my earlier conclusions, and I do think it's gratifying to, for once, really know that I'm absolutely right about something: killing myself was the best approach, I just couldn't do it.

                          You know what's hilarious? Dwight stalked me to my tumblr to encourage me to kill myself there, and it's funny because it's the most fucking ignorant, incompetent jab at me imaginable. People like him have told me to kill myself before, and it isn't because of their opinions I wanted to die. Realizing that people I liked and admired held ideals that I find terrifying, incomprehensible, and harmful is a lot worse than random people telling me to kill myself, and I just so happened to find myself in the middle of an absolute goldmine of disturbing revelations about people I used to trust.

                          I've fought hard to get out of my New Atheist phase, but I do have to say this. Though I'm realizing that I really do hate religious people, I really hate anyone who peddles optimism, even if they're completely secular. Because they're lying. Here's a fun game: if someone tells you that people are essentially good, that life has meaning, or that the world is a good place, they're either lying to you or to themselves. I'm autistic, and that might be the issue. Maybe normal people just automatically pick up that all the "life has meaning" and "people are good" stuff is bullshit they need to play along with, the way they pick up other unwritten social rules, but I never did. I went into life trying to tell myself that somehow all that was true, I believed it, and here I am.

                          I wish those hippie chickenshits at Unitarian sunday school had just told me: "Eddie Guerrero's catchphrase has more valuable insights into how to live than anything Jesus ever said". Dear god, how I fucking wish someone had told me, and kept telling me, that the only way to be happy in life, and I mean literally the only fucking way, is to learn how to lie to and manipulate yourself and others. That's something I've only just fully realized and accepted recently, and god would it have been nice to get it over with earlier.

                          I guess those arguments about mortality on these forums finally bore fruit, in that now I have started to actively hate myself for my current inability to die, and I'm ending this desperately wishing I could honestly assure you that this time I would do it, but knowing, deep down, that I'm too scared of death, too weak, too much of a shit to probably ever be able to do it. One more try? "I'm such a loser I even failed at killing myself" seems like it should be my takeaway here, but in a way I feel better about myself than I ever have before: I've begun to grasp, to the extent that it's possible for humans to grasp, just how incomprehensibly awful humanity, nature, the world, the universe, and reality itself are, and I feel like much less of a failure knowing that all of my faults multiplied a trillionfold would not even come near to equaling the tiniest fraction of the tiniest fraction of the merest iota of the absolute horror that is existence. I wish I could say with certainty that I'm about to kill myself, but my track record on that isn't very good. Goodbye again.
                          Last edited by Geckopirateship; 10-16-2016, 03:21 AM.

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                          • When one is accustomed to privilege, equality seems like oppression.

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                            • I am glad that you are not dead. I hope, with time, you could heal. I am not only talking about the physical wounds, is the other ones wich last longer.


                              I'm So Meta Even This Acronym

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                              • Very relieved to see you're alive. Sorry to hear you've come to hate humanity so much. Have you looked into existentialist philosophy at all? It's founded on similar conclusions - life is essentially meaningless, people are not inherently good, and existence is horrifying. But, it also makes the best it can out of those understandings. Might be helpful to you, might not, but it couldn't hurt to look into. Either way, I hope things can improve for you in the future.


                                Onyx Path Forum Moderator

                                My mod voice is red. I use it so you know when I'm speaking in an official capacity, not as an indication of tone.

                                Going by Willow now, or Wil for short. She/Her/Hers.

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