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  • Relieved you're alive, but sorry that you're hating humanity.



    ​When noise turns to silence, when colors dull and pale, when reality no longer makes sense, there shall you find me. There, in the dreams of the River of Faceless Millions, do I dwell.

    http://harenm.deviantart.com/gallery/ for my art.

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    • I'm not good at saying the right thing, but apparently depressed individuals are more overconfident and less accurate than non-depressed individuals when predicting the future in their personal social worlds. So although it looks bad, your evaluation is probably incorrect.


      My Commandments for GMs My Commandments for Players

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      • https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...essive-realism Oh look, I found an article saying the opposite in a few seconds, so maybe consider shoving it.

        I can say with the utmost confidence that humanity, the world, the universe, and reality itself are all unremittingly awful. The laws of thermodynamics are undeniable facts. If you accept those yet still think the universe is a good place, you are deceiving yourself.

        I am starting to accept that my inability to kill myself is a flaw. Killing myself would be by far the best approach for me to take, I just don't think I can do it. I am instead forced to deal with working out how to live with that knowledge. So if you're worried I'll kill myself (even though most of you would be much happier if I were gone and there was no one around to criticize things you liked), you can stop worrying/pretending to worry about it, because I don't think I can do with it.

        Unless your advice relates to how I can live as enjoyable and fulfilling a life as possible with the knowledge that I should kill myself but can't, your advice is useless.

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        • Originally posted by Geckopirateship View Post
          https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...essive-realism Oh look, I found an article saying the opposite in a few seconds, so maybe consider shoving it.

          I can say with the utmost confidence that humanity, the world, the universe, and reality itself are all unremittingly awful. The laws of thermodynamics are undeniable facts. If you accept those yet still think the universe is a good place, you are deceiving yourself.

          I am starting to accept that my inability to kill myself is a flaw. Killing myself would be by far the best approach for me to take, I just don't think I can do it. I am instead forced to deal with working out how to live with that knowledge. So if you're worried I'll kill myself (even though most of you would be much happier if I were gone and there was no one around to criticize things you liked), you can stop worrying/pretending to worry about it, because I don't think I can do with it.

          Unless your advice relates to how I can live as enjoyable and fulfilling a life as possible with the knowledge that I should kill myself but can't, your advice is useless.
          Actually, I for one love people criticizing things I like. It gives me an excuse to strike up a conversation about how much I disagree with them.

          Saying it out loud I realize that that might be a character flaw of mine.

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          • The universe is not a good place. The universe is not a bad place. The universe is a place. We exist in it and then we don't. Might as well enjoy the time that we do.


            Going by Willow now, or Wil for short. She/Her/Hers.

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            • Originally posted by Geckopirateship View Post
              https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...essive-realism Oh look, I found an article saying the opposite in a few seconds, so maybe consider shoving it.
              The two are actually talking about two different things. Yours is talking about the comparatively lesser effect illusory superiority seems to play in depressed people (a phenomenon which is still being investigated to properly understand the mechanics behind it). Mine is talking about predictions of the future and people's actions.

              Also, and I don't want to get into a pissing contest, your work is basically a summary/opinion piece written for lay people. Mine is an actual quasi-experimental study.

              The reason I shared it is because it relates to the idea of "things will never change and people will always be awful" you seem to be putting out, when your judgement would seem to be compromised. As a result, getting help and talking to a professional to help clear your head is probably a good idea: it subjectively appears that these things are obvious, but that is not necessarily an accurate evaluation.

              By "the laws of thermodynamics" I presume you're referring to entropy? Sure, you could view that as an inevitable force for degradation, or you could view it as an inevitable tendency towards change. It explains the phenomenon just as accurately. Yes, it tends to go to lower energy states, but that in no way corresponds to "badness".

              So if you're worried I'll kill myself (even though most of you would be much happier if I were gone and there was no one around to criticize things you liked), you can stop worrying/pretending to worry about it, because I don't think I can do with it.
              If most people would be happier if you died, then why did lots of people get really upset at the idea that you might have? haren Thorbes zeroninja TidyGamer ManusDomine Scelesta Papa Bear Littlewords Charlaquin cerealkiller atamajakki all tried to get in contact with you and expressed sadness at your sadness, along with either implicit or explicit sadness at your attempt. Is that behaviour consistent with being happy at you potentially being gone? Yeah, there are toolbags in the world, but there's good people too.


              My Commandments for GMs My Commandments for Players

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              • Originally posted by Ashenrogue View Post
                Actually, I for one love people criticizing things I like. It gives me an excuse to strike up a conversation about how much I disagree with them.

                Saying it out loud I realize that that might be a character flaw of mine.
                You're not alone in this. We're the sort of people the culture of online forums attracts.


                Going by Willow now, or Wil for short. She/Her/Hers.

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                • I wouldn't really care even if your study has issued forth from the mighty asshole of Einstein itself. It doesn't change the undeniable truth that killing myself would be the best course of action. Of the people you listed, I'm quite sure that at least a few of them would be happier if they didn't have to deal with me.

                  Again, you don't have to talk me out of killing myself. I'm too chickenshit to do that.

                  And regardless of what you think, I think entropy is a bad thing. Anything that guarantees the inevitability of death and decay is a bad thing. Entropy isn't even exactly "change", because the inevitable end of entropy is essentially a universe of nothingness. Charlaquin contradicted herself. The fact that "we exist in it and then we don't" makes it a bad place.

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                  • Originally posted by Geckopirateship View Post
                    I wouldn't really care even if your study has issued forth from the mighty asshole of Einstein itself. It doesn't change the undeniable truth that killing myself would be the best course of action. Of the people you listed, I'm quite sure that at least a few of them would be happier if they didn't have to deal with me.
                    So, in other words, you don't care if the study suggesting that your judgement is compromised is accurate, your judgement isn't compromised? You see the contradiction there, right?

                    And why would they be happier if they didn't have to deal with you, and then try to deal with you in a way which is totally voluntary? Again, contradiction?
                    Last edited by Allan53; 10-16-2016, 09:58 PM. Reason: Tweaking wording from "showing" to "suggesting"


                    My Commandments for GMs My Commandments for Players

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                    • Nonexistence isn't bad. No existence isn't good. Nonexistence isn't anything.


                      Going by Willow now, or Wil for short. She/Her/Hers.

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                      • I'm not picking goddamn lottery numbers, take off the fedora. I know much better than you do whether or not my death would be the best approach for me to take. And I'm also quite certain that, say, Captain Nun or Snake would have been happier without having to deal with me.

                        No, nonexistence is bad. If you can't say that irrevocable cessation of existence is a bad thing, then you can't say that anything is bad. For example, if you don't think death is bad, than you can't say that murder is bad, for one. And if you don't think death is bad, you have no reason to try to persuade me not to loll myself.

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                        • Murder is bad because the murderer removes agency from the victim. The victim might not have wanted to die. And probably didn't, after all, life can be quite an enjoyable experience at times. And I don't want you to die because death doesn't occur in a vacuum. Your death would impact the lives of other people, and contrary to what you may believe in your currently depressed state, it would have a greater negative impact on people's lives than a positive one.


                          Going by Willow now, or Wil for short. She/Her/Hers.

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                          • Originally posted by Geckopirateship View Post
                            I'm not picking goddamn lottery numbers, take off the fedora. I know much better than you do whether or not my death would be the best approach for me to take. And I'm also quite certain that, say, Captain Nun or Snake would have been happier without having to deal with me.
                            I don't give a flying about your thoughts about your death. I don't know your situation. What I do care about is the fact that you're suffering, and your reluctance to try to alleviate that suffering seems to be a major contributing factor in that suffering continuing. There are ways which can help that don't involve hiding or dying, and regardless of your thoughts about nonexistence you'd have to concede that barring a dramatic misunderstanding on our part, it tends toward the irrevocable. Which means it shouldn't be done lightly, ie by ruling out alternatives.

                            And even if we take that off the table, there are ways to reduce suffering. If we define suffering as bad, which is reasonably inarguable I think, at least barring some compensation (e.g. surgery hurts for a little, but can drastically improve functioning in the long run), then that should be something that we should at least try to alleviate. If you're going to stick around (a good thing, in my book), then you may as well make it somewhat tolerable. Otherwise you're just being an idiot.

                            Let me be absolutely clear here: I do not want you to suffer. I don't want anyone to suffer. I don't pretend it's within my power to stop everyone suffering, but I will do what I can. If there's the slightest change I can push you to seek the help you need to stop suffering, even if I have to hound you and make you hate me and annoy you into it, I will do so, and I'll sleep no worse than usual at night.


                            My Commandments for GMs My Commandments for Players

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                            • I made a very good potato soup today. It wasn't anything fancy, just a 99¢ creamy potato soup in a box, with a chopped up red pepper, a chopped up potato, a little extra garlic and some butter and some milk. If I had killed myself half my life ago, I would never have made it.

                              Does it make up for the suffering I went through for last 15-17 years of my life? Hardly. I'm still glad I made the soup tonight.

                              There's no meaning to life, except what meaning you make for yourself. Even if tonight's meaning is "mmm that was good soup", that's still meaning.

                              I don't hate you Geckopirateship I just disagree with you on some aspects of an imaginary game. I wouldn't want anyone to die because I disagree with them.


                              When one is accustomed to privilege, equality seems like oppression.

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                              • If murder is bad because it removes agency from the victim, so is mortality and entropy.

                                If I could alleviate my suffering, I fucking would. You seem to be making the common mistake of seeing someone suffering and thinking that they're only suffering because they want to be. I can't stop myself from suffering. I have tried. It has not worked. I have sought out therapy, it hasn't worked. Making Mage: The Transgression and TLC was an attempt to alleviate suffering. That didn't work either. Killing myself was an attempt to alleviate suffering. That also didn't work. If I knew how to alleviate my own suffering, I would fucking do it.

                                And no, I never said you hate me. I said that if I left, or had never existed, your life would overall be happier, even if you don't accept it.

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