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  • Baroness Nerak
    started a topic Trans Q+A Thread

    Trans Q+A Thread

    So I am going to try an experiment.

    It can be difficult for non-trans people to understand what trans people are dealing with. Or they have questions and don’t want to sift through page after page of discussing hormones, surgery, and suicides. I understand. I also know trying to ask on the Internet can be…unfriendly. An important step toward acceptance is understanding.

    So, I am going to try an experiment I have seen elsewhere. If you have questions for trans people I (and any other trans posters feeling especially masochistic) will try to answer them as best I/we can.

    This does not remove the requirement to respect other posters. Friendly discussion is welcome, aggressive is not. It is, however, more okay to ask certain types of questions here than elsewhere. No one (me included) is required to answer a question we are uncomfortable with. If I dodge a question I will try to be open about it, however. Also, I am doing this in my free time. Depending on my schedule there may be some long pauses in answering, but I will try to get to them.

    Also, and this is very important, we can only really speak for ourselves on a lot of things. There are some attitudes that are shared, and some that are very unique to the person. If I am aware my feelings are vastly different from others I will tell you, but unfortunately one of us can’t answer anything for all of us.

    I’ve been involved in LGBT online activism for well over a decade, but I have only been out and living as a woman (mostly) for about 6 months. I don’t have decades of experience. But my answers are better than no answers, and hopefully others will chime in as well, though no one is obligated. If you are not trans and want to answer a question, some advocates are well knowledgeable, just be sure you make that clear in your post.

    So if you have questions, go ahead and we will try to answer.

  • Charlaquin
    replied
    I forget if I've posted this before, but I've found this infographic often helps people. It's not perfect (there have been at least three versions made, as understanding of gender issues develops), but it's still a useful tool for explaining the concepts to more visual learners.


    To answer the question more directly, yes, it's entirely possible for men to be feminine and women to be masculine. This is true of cis people and trans people. You may be the most hyper-masculine person you know and like it that way, but still feel that you are a woman and would rather be recognized as such, that doesn't make you any less of a woman.
    Last edited by Charlaquin; 08-31-2016, 04:17 PM.

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  • haren
    replied
    Originally posted by 3Comrades View Post
    I do have a question, but it is hard to couch. I know what gender is intellectually and as a term, but I guess I don't know what it specifically is. I mean what is femininity? That question often bothers me. I have always identified as a woman but always failed to be feminine and I guess that seems like it has to be an oxymoron? Gender being a cultural association; what is it to be a feminine man or a masculine woman? I mean with femininity as womanhood can someone be much more feminine than masculine even extremely so and still be a man? Can someone associate with the identity of an opposite gender (not meaning sex, but identifying as a gender they do not in any way exemplify but seem to identify with anyway) I very much apologize if this is in any way insulting, but it's something that's been bothering me for a while and I am having trouble finding answers elsewhere.
    Gender is self identification. Now what you (seem by how I read it) are talking is gender performance or presentation, which is different. I think it's a fair question.

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  • 3Comrades
    replied
    I do have a question, but it is hard to couch. I know what gender is intellectually and as a term, but I guess I don't know what it specifically is. I mean what is femininity? That question often bothers me. I have always identified as a woman but always failed to be feminine and I guess that seems like it has to be an oxymoron? Gender being a cultural association; what is it to be a feminine man or a masculine woman? I mean with femininity as womanhood can someone be much more feminine than masculine even extremely so and still be a man? Can someone associate with the identity of an opposite gender (not meaning sex, but identifying as a gender they do not in any way exemplify but seem to identify with anyway) I very much apologize if this is in any way insulting, but it's something that's been bothering me for a while and I am having trouble finding answers elsewhere.

    Leave a comment:


  • JulianMoon
    replied
    Baroness,

    LOVE your Golden Eagle chronicle! The Twenties/Thirties/Forties is one of my favorite time periods. I just want to be able to talk with other trans people, to be reassured that my feelings are valid and I'm not just being silly or flighty. I'm afraid if I tell people I like the truth, they won't find me attractive anymore, and my whole identity is based on being desirable.

    This is a verse from my favorite song, "Wildwood Flower":

    I will twine with my mingles of raven-black hair
    With the roses so red and the lilies so fair
    With the myrtle so bright with its emerald hue
    And the pale and the leader with eyes look so blue

    Take care. Thanks again for listening.


    Colleen

    Leave a comment:


  • Baroness Nerak
    replied
    Nice to meet you Colleen. Are you looking for advice of any sort or just want to introduce yourself? Either is fine, of course

    Leave a comment:


  • JulianMoon
    replied
    Hi. I am generally content with my life, but there are times (like when I read this thread) I feel gnawings of discontent. I envy London Fog from Aberrant Worldwide Phase II. She got to turn into a woman in one fell swoop, no surgery, no awkwardness, and she got superpowers too.

    I had boyfriends in high school and college, but I dated women too. One girlfriend in college told me when we were arguing that I had a personality she had only seen in some women. I felt immensely flattered because she recognized that I was female underneath.

    My name comes from the Roman emperor Julian, the last pagan emperor and (possibly) a transgender person. I have several girlfriends (people I date) but none of them know this side of me. I am a corporate lawyer with a Big Four accounting firm, and the culture at my job is not very accepting of LGBT lifestyles.

    Thank you for listening.


    Colleen (my name if I'd been born a girl)

    Leave a comment:


  • haren
    replied
    To my part, you could focus on things that being transgender gave them. Sure, it's not easy and whatnot... but as this thread (and others) show, there's a sense of community and attempts to be supportive and understanding. Maybe this is just me, but it seems like a fairly large number I've known had activist tendancies of some sort. But above all, just treat them as a person, and if there's a "reveal", it should just be them talking about it with someone they trust with it.

    Leave a comment:


  • Charlaquin
    replied
    Definitely avoid the "shocking reveal", in any form.

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  • Baroness Nerak
    replied
    It's cool. This is a place to ask questions, so you have a bit more leeway here than perhaps otherwise.

    To some degree, I do agree with atamajakki, don't make them sadness porn. The simplist thing is treat them like anyone else; I mean, if their being transgender is not really relevant it may not come up, though they still are. Or it can be referenced offhandedly through description, or another character making a concerned comment. I would recommend against that being a main plot point without research; I mean it is easy to write a group of women and one is trans. Making a story focusing on that is harder.

    Leave a comment:


  • Camilla
    replied
    Originally posted by atamajakki View Post

    First, a minor nitpick: it's transgender, not transgendered.

    As for the main bulk of your question, I have to wonder how it impacts the narrative? Someone who is trans is so much more than that as a person and especially if this character transitioned a decade ago, I'm not sure what there is to mention and possibly screw up. If there's a general pitfall I'd suggest avoiding, don't make her character a vessel for sadness porn (i.e. constantly lamenting how she was born in the wrong body or internally monologuing about her gender) and don't take the route of the awful Dragon Age comics (where a notable transwoman character is tossed into jail and we're treated to several pages of her dress torn off to reveal a flat, masculine chest as the "big reveal").
    Okay, I am sorry for my terminology mishap. Again, I am not too good with these things. And as for your advice, I will do my best to avoid those pitfalls. Thank you for the advice.

    Leave a comment:


  • atamajakki
    replied
    Originally posted by Camilla View Post
    So, I have a question and I am kind of afraid to ask, because I don't want to come off as trivial but I do want to ask the trans members of this board a question.

    If one were writing a character who is transgendered, whether for a written story, or even just something like a fanfic or an RPG character, how would one go about that without offending anyone? I ask because I am brainstorming ideas for a nWoD fanfic and one of the main characters is trans, specifically a character who transitioned from male to female in her early teens (she is in her mid-twenties when the story takes place). The issue is that I am a cisgendered male and I'm worried I may get things wrong about the struggle that trans people go through. I know I should make the character well-rounded and have depth to her beyond her gender, that is obvious. But I am worried that I may get something wrong and accidentally offend people.

    I know my question probably seems trivial and I don't want to come across as trivializing the issues that the trans community faces, but I figured I'd ask the question and get answers from my fellow RPG fans, particularly those in the LGBT community. I myself am LGBT, being bisexual and all, but I don't have much experience with trans issues, particularly Male-to-Female transgendered individuals. I do have some friends who are Female-to-Male transgendered, one of whom is my best friend in real life and is somewhat closested about his experience (as such I will not mention his name).

    So, I hope I didn't upset anyone with my question and I would love to hear some advice in writing a transgender character.
    First, a minor nitpick: it's transgender, not transgendered.

    As for the main bulk of your question, I have to wonder how it impacts the narrative? Someone who is trans is so much more than that as a person and especially if this character transitioned a decade ago, I'm not sure what there is to mention and possibly screw up. If there's a general pitfall I'd suggest avoiding, don't make her character a vessel for sadness porn (i.e. constantly lamenting how she was born in the wrong body or internally monologuing about her gender) and don't take the route of the awful Dragon Age comics (where a notable transwoman character is tossed into jail and we're treated to several pages of her dress torn off to reveal a flat, masculine chest as the "big reveal").

    Leave a comment:


  • Camilla
    replied
    So, I have a question and I am kind of afraid to ask, because I don't want to come off as trivial but I do want to ask the trans members of this board a question.

    If one were writing a character who is transgendered, whether for a written story, or even just something like a fanfic or an RPG character, how would one go about that without offending anyone? I ask because I am brainstorming ideas for a nWoD fanfic and one of the main characters is trans, specifically a character who transitioned from male to female in her early teens (she is in her mid-twenties when the story takes place). The issue is that I am a cisgendered male and I'm worried I may get things wrong about the struggle that trans people go through. I know I should make the character well-rounded and have depth to her beyond her gender, that is obvious. But I am worried that I may get something wrong and accidentally offend people.

    I know my question probably seems trivial and I don't want to come across as trivializing the issues that the trans community faces, but I figured I'd ask the question and get answers from my fellow RPG fans, particularly those in the LGBT community. I myself am LGBT, being bisexual and all, but I don't have much experience with trans issues, particularly Male-to-Female transgendered individuals. I do have some friends who are Female-to-Male transgendered, one of whom is my best friend in real life and is somewhat closested about his experience (as such I will not mention his name).

    So, I hope I didn't upset anyone with my question and I would love to hear some advice in writing a transgender character.

    Leave a comment:


  • dman1123
    replied
    I'm a fan of Glitter because it is fairly ambiguous, plus it's a perfect representation of my personality. Loud, colorful, and all over the place that is.

    Leave a comment:


  • atamajakki
    replied
    Originally posted by Baroness Nerak View Post
    Depends on how gendered you are. I know women, trans and cis, who like "Alex" or "Lex" because it is androgynous. I intensely wanted a feminine name when the time came. I want no chance of an innocent mistake.
    I like Lex because it's always been my name; it being gender-ambiguous and having a Latin meaning are unexpected benefits.

    Leave a comment:

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