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  • Ask the Maiden of Secrets

    This is not going to be a regular thing. I have lost a bet with Venus and Luna. Until the next full moon rises, I shall therefore answer truthfully any question or offer insight on any subject submitted by my petitioners. Please be advised that if this results in your learning something you are Not Meant To Know, I will take steps to ensure that you are not able to pass on the secret. One way or another.
    - Jupiter


    So I'm making God-Kicking Boot, an Exalted webcomic, now. Updates on Sundays. Full-color, mediocre but slowly improving art. It's a thing.

    The absence of a monument can, in its own way, be something of a monument also.
    -Roger Zelazny

  • #2
    The Kukla ate an entire cake. Does he feel fat?


    "For me, there's no fundamental conflict between really loving something and also seeing it as very profoundly flawed." -- Jay Eddidin

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    • #3
      Who are you? And who am I?


      I have decided, after some thought, that I don't really feel happy on these forums. I might decide to come back to post. Who knows - but right now, I'm gone.

      So good bye, good luck, and have a nice day.

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      • #4
        If you aim to fail, and you succeed... which one have you actually done?


        Mage: The Ice-ension: An Epic Game of Reality on the Rink

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        • #5
          Discounting the exaltation, what can change the nature of a man?

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          • #6
            Did you REALLY lose a bet with Luna and Venus, or is that part of your secrets and lies bag?

            ...

            Also, what was the bet over? Saying it was Luna and Venus paints a... interesting picture.


            My wordpress
            Let's Play Warcraft 3 (Updates Thursdays)

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            • #7
              Blessed Jupiter, I confess I am most shocked by your sudden openness to questioning, mostly because I had been under the impression that you did not speak or write to anyone, ever. I believed that when you communicated at all, you did so through a language of secret signs known only to your sisters, or through Nara-O, who knows of your private thoughts and your desire to make them public. Was I entirely wrong? Respectfully Confused, Changki, Lesser God of Misinformation


              On the frontier of the Wild South, there's only one woman with the grit to take on its most dangerous outlaws and bring them Back Alive, or Maybe Dead.

              Avatar by K.S. Brenowitz

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              • #8
                Dear Jupiter,

                I come bearing the greatest and most important of all questions; what color and style of underwear do the other Maidens wear? What of Luna? What of Sol Invictus? Did I mention how important this is? Because it is.

                Thanks!

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                • #9
                  I keep hearing "Chejop did it" without any context. What exactly did he do?

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Chejop Kejak View Post
                    The Kukla ate an entire cake. Does he feel fat?
                    No. Before the vastness of the Kukla, a cake is insignificant. "Fat" is something mortals feel. The Kukla feels an unrelenting rage of tremendous power and fury, and at the same time a sense of serenity and purity of purpose difficult to imagine for any who has not attained enlightenment. He feels a desire to uncoil himself and revel in the beauty of the world and in his intolerable knowledge of its many imperfections, to smash himself against the body of Creation in a profoundly sexual act of wanton destruction. This desire builds within him like the building pressure of magma deep under the earth: inexorable and unstoppable, impossibly powerful and yet slowly increasing in its intensity.

                    Now, the fact that you keep calling the Kukla fat is one of the myriad reasons he wants to hatefuck Creation instead of making a slower and more langorous effort at being a fertility spirit disguised as a natural disaster, but then, you have never been that great at long term planning, have you? Ah, well. It's not like you'll be around to see it anyway.

                    Originally posted by Amekra
                    Who are you? And who am I?
                    I am Jupiter, the Maiden of Secrets. According to the records of Heaven, you are Subject 312, an enemy of Creation who has been slated for destruction by a young Sidereal for acts of hubris and blasphemy against the Incarnae. The records of Heaven are not fallible, and therefore this designation must be correct.

                    Originally posted by Ramnesis
                    If you aim to fail, and you succeed... which one have you actually done?
                    Both. When a sentient being attempts to fail at some task, it is invariably in furtherance of some other end, at which that being will succeed or fail in accordance with its own merits, the whim of Luranume, and the dictates of Fate. When I am to fail, I fail successfully, and I succeed at the task I am failing in order to facilitate. Your question ignores the fact that two attempts are being made anytime one attempts to fail, creating a seeming paradox due to poor wording where no such paradox exists. It is a meaningless question, and if you try to use it to bring down the Unconquered Sun he will not even laugh, he'll just sigh the way you sigh when your name contains an easily recognized pun and someone tells you that pun as though you had never heard it before. Since you were wondering.

                    Originally posted by PlotVitalNPC
                    Discounting the exaltation, what can change the nature of a man?
                    There are few things that cannot change the nature of a man. Ask any of my sisters and they will tell you that experience of the portions of reality over which they hold provenance can change a man's nature: love and war and travel and death are all common catalysts for personal epiphany, and certainly guardianship over a secret or the burning desire to seek out some hidden truth can manage the task. Ask the Sun and he will tell you that an honest decision to change oneself for the better can do it, as can practice and hard work. Luna would usually answer by saying "Me!" and eating the mortal in question before chuckling in self-satisfaction and then mimicking the mortal having some personal epiphany about change in his life and giggling to herself like a drunken Heptagram initiate who has just figured out that it's possible to make demons do slapstick. Rockslides and daggers and slippery stairs can all change a man's nature from living to dead or hale to cripple, and the slow weave of history can change a man from a farmer to the hero of a revolution or from a beloved prince to a tyrant. The rituals and social customs of Creation can turn a man into a Tya or a Dhereth or a monk. Any self-respecting Lunar or any Sidereal who wants Chejop's job after the bastard finally kicks the bucket can turn a man into a duck. Asking open-ended questions of a tremendously powerful deities famous for their disinclination to answer questions can also change a man's nature profoundly, through rarely for the better.

                    Originally posted by HalfTangible
                    Did you REALLY lose a bet with Luna and Venus, or is that part of your secrets and lies bag? Also, what was the bet over? Saying it was Luna and Venus paints a... interesting picture.
                    Yes, I really lost a bet with Luna (who I rarely wager with, because she usually figures out a way to win-I think the bitch cheats, but I've never caught her at it) and Venus (who I take bets with all the time, because two thirds of the time my sister plays to lose). The bet was over victory in a contest in which we all participated. A picture was painted at the time, but it has been entrusted to the care of Madame Marthesine.

                    Originally posted by Changki
                    Blessed Jupiter, I confess I am most shocked by your sudden openness to questioning, mostly because I had been under the impression that you did not speak or write to anyone, ever. I believed that when you communicated at all, you did so through a language of secret signs known only to your sisters, or through Nara-O, who knows of your private thoughts and your desire to make them public. Was I entirely wrong? Respectfully Confused, Changki, Lesser God of Misinformation
                    Dearest Changki,
                    Due to your Nature and that of your domain, I suspect that you are aware of at least part of the nature of my current correspondence, and possibly even the true purpose in this endeavor. Please be informed that if, hypothetically, you were to share this knowledge, it would result in your mysteriously vanishing one night, and nobody ever wondering what happened to you until it's noticed six or seven months later that you haven't been coming to work lately. Your demise would be sudden and silent and entirely unremarked-upon.
                    Sincerely, Jupiter

                    Originally posted by Dietaku
                    Dear Jupiter,
                    I come bearing the greatest and most important of all questions; what color and style of underwear do the other Maidens wear? What of Luna? What of Sol Invictus? Did I mention how important this is? Because it is.

                    Thanks!
                    Saturn wears black or purple undergarments. Usually they are simple and utilitarian, but she occasionally goes frilly when she's in a self-pitying sort of mood and hopes feeling pretty will make her feel better. Sometimes it does. Venus' tastes vary widely, often based on the proclivities of the entity she has decided to act as a Muse to on that particular day. Her most common trend is towards reds and oranges which contrast with and therefore set off her eyes and hair...but that's just the most common trend. Mars sticks to purely utilitarian garments designed for sport or battle, though on four occasions she has donned undergarments which did not suit her tastes as a result of losing wagers with her sisters or the Moon (the Sun doesn't gamble with us except for once a year with Saturn, he doesn't think it's fair-but he privately wishes Mars would dress like that more often). Mercury is really into the color iconography and is fond of yellows and golds, but she's an adventurous soul and out of all of us is most likely to accompany Venus on her shopping trips, and therefore the Maiden of Journeys. She recently adopted a "never wear the same clothes twice" policy, and therefore these days half the time she's either not wearing any or they're all sweaty muddy and gross from a fortnight of travel because she's developed a fondness for this pair and doesn't want to have to stop wearing them.

                    The Sun goes nude most of the time (if you looked like that, you would too), but when he has public ceremonial functions he goes with cloth-of-gold and maybe white linen. He likes it loose and flowing, and he's more fond of togas and wraps than anything confining. Luna's not wearing any underwear. She may look like she is, but trust me, she's not.[/Quote]

                    Originally posted by Lucil
                    I keep hearing "Chejop did it" without any context. What exactly did he do?
                    When he was nine years and fifty three days old, Chejop Kejak made a little girl cry. He pushed her onto the ground and stole her nutty cinnamon treat and he ran off and ate it. He remembers he was at a fair or a festival, because there were streamers and a parade of some kind down the street, but he's forgotten what the event was. He remembers that the teacher (the one with the moustache...what was his name?) was off scolding another kid for something and he never got caught. He has forgotten the girl's name, and the sound of her voice, and he has forgotten what she looked like. But he remembers the taste of that cinnamon treat. Not often, and rarely consciously, but the smell of hot cinnamon and honey, and the taste of almonds...they always take him back, so very very far back, and he gets a little nostalgic and takes the afternoon off work and wonders how many descendents he has and how they're doing, but he never actually checks the paperwork to look them up, and he feels fitful and restless and paces in his study or wanders the halls looking in on what his younger subordinates are doing in an affectionate sort of way that nevertheless surprises and terrifies them, and within an our or two the now all-too familiar weight of the world settles back on his shoulders and he wearily heads back to one meeting or another.

                    Her name was Chana.
                    Last edited by Wise Old Guru; 03-30-2014, 11:29 AM.


                    So I'm making God-Kicking Boot, an Exalted webcomic, now. Updates on Sundays. Full-color, mediocre but slowly improving art. It's a thing.

                    The absence of a monument can, in its own way, be something of a monument also.
                    -Roger Zelazny

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Mardukth asks:

                      Who am I?

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Wise Old Guru View Post
                        Dearest Changki,
                        Due to your Nature and that of your domain, I suspect that you are aware of at least part of the nature of my current correspondence, and possibly even the true purpose in this endeavor. Please be informed that if, hypothetically, you were to share this knowledge, it would result in your mysteriously vanishing one night, and nobody ever wondering what happened to you until it's noticed six or seven months later that you haven't been coming to work lately. Your demise would be sudden and silent and entirely unremarked-upon.
                        Sincerely, Jupiter
                        Blessed Jupiter,

                        Please forgive my impertinence, but I required clarification; when you aim to mislead people, it is always best if you know the truth yourself. I believe I understand your meaning, and will immediately return to telling everyone that you are (and have always been) available and willing to answer questions. I will also replace the wastebasket that has been labeled as your inbox (Yes, it is still a wastebasket, and we burn the contents every Jupitersday).

                        Your humblest servant,
                        -Changki, Lesser God of Misinformation


                        On the frontier of the Wild South, there's only one woman with the grit to take on its most dangerous outlaws and bring them Back Alive, or Maybe Dead.

                        Avatar by K.S. Brenowitz

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                        • #13
                          Keeper of Secrets,

                          What is the question (or questions) that I SHOULD ask?

                          Humbly,
                          Red Gale, the Wandering Supplicant of Truth


                          Mouse monk riding a tiny pig avatar courtesy of the very talented forumite Jen!

                          Jen's original portrayal of Mouse Monk, featuring some human or other named Tybalt Farwander.

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                          • #14
                            Will Burn Legend be expanded upon in 3rd ed?
                            What Exaltation is The Ultimate Warrior?


                            Onyx Path Kickstarters I back.
                            W20, MtC, CB20, DtD, MtAs20, BotW20, Wraith 20th.

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                            • #15
                              How many times a day, on average, do you troll someone just by saying "that is a secret"?

                              How many times a day, on average, does said person not even know what's supposed to be secret but freaks out anyway?

                              Also, I'm sensing a bit of tension between you and old Carjack. There is relationship counseling for a reason, you know?
                              Last edited by Guancyto; 03-31-2014, 12:43 AM.

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