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  • Originally posted by Jen View Post
    there are lots of repeated personal pronouns which sounds pretty weird to my ears, though hopefully not to native English speakers...
    It's not too bad. English uses pronouns way, way more than most languages (for example "It is raining", while most languages say something equivalent to "Now rain" or just "rains". I don't know about Vietnamese.).

    We do mix it up a bit, but you have done that at the end; this man, the witch, etc. I might suggest starting the second paragraph with one of those (the witch's, this man's) rather than his. Other than that it's fine.


    My characters:
    Dr Soma Vaidya, viper-totem Lunar and kung-fu doctor
    Brother Alazar, Zenith occultist and last survivor of the Black Monastery of Leng
    Shadow of Kings, Twilight barbarian scholar, master of lost First Age crafting techniques. Has a lot of clones. Picture by Jen.

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    • Originally posted by Zale View Post
      I love your reference page. Your artwork always has really nicely done clothing (and beautiful men). There's really good coloring and shading and I love the little decorations and flourishes. The use of personal pronouns doesn't sound strange to me, and I think you did a good job conveying his personality and capabilities.
      Ah, if it can convey those info effectively then I won't have to worry too much about writing a bunch of short story for these characters after all.

      Originally posted by Clophiroth View Post
      I love the design of his clothes!
      Thanks thanks, I feel like designing the character's cloth is one of my strong suit so I'm glad it's somewhat true ~

      Originally posted by The Wizard of Oz View Post

      It's not too bad. English uses pronouns way, way more than most languages (for example "It is raining", while most languages say something equivalent to "Now rain" or just "rains". I don't know about Vietnamese.).

      We do mix it up a bit, but you have done that at the end; this man, the witch, etc. I might suggest starting the second paragraph with one of those (the witch's, this man's) rather than his. Other than that it's fine.
      Oooh, it's indeed something like "Rains there". And yeah, everything is he/him/his in the first draft and it looks so painful to read so I either have to mix it up or adding a short sentence before the pronoun to make it looks less repeated.


      The no.1 fan of Demetheus. I also draw Exalted things and is looking for commission works ~

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      • Also me trying to make comic with halftone insteaf of color since the later take way too much time. This only take me an hour or so to draw so I can definitely make a webcomic with this \(*w*)/


        The no.1 fan of Demetheus. I also draw Exalted things and is looking for commission works ~

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        • Haeun's battle uniform, I haven't nailed down his fighting style just yet, it probably involves the Eye of Autochthon though I still don't know anything about this Artifact aside from "You can homebrew anything for this" 🙃



          The no.1 fan of Demetheus. I also draw Exalted things and is looking for commission works ~

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          • Actually, there's a writeup for it in the 1e book, the Storyteller's Companion. It's a lot bigger than your drawing would suggest.

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            • Is it about a sorcerer (and later Dynast) who uses the Eye but then latter got destroyed since this artifact has a thing for killing its master?


              The no.1 fan of Demetheus. I also draw Exalted things and is looking for commission works ~

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              • Originally posted by Jen View Post
                Is it about a sorcerer (and later Dynast) who uses the Eye but then latter got destroyed since this artifact has a thing for killing its master?
                It's more that improper use of the artifact tends to result in something pretty catastrophic. There's a dice pool you roll when you try and make it do something, and failure on the roll is fairly lethal.

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                • With a Solar dicepool and a Presenc buffer who give non-charm dices, failures should be a worry for me.


                  The no.1 fan of Demetheus. I also draw Exalted things and is looking for commission works ~

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                  • It's the dreaded romance sub-plot, but with gay old men instead.

                    I actually have no idea what flower to draw at first, since I don't remember if my country has any type of flower that means love, in the end, I went with the peony on a whim (o´ω`o)



                    The no.1 fan of Demetheus. I also draw Exalted things and is looking for commission works ~

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                    • Theodotus has a thing for Death Ray (Or just shooting magical beams in general).

                      I'm also thinking about reducing the size of his himation massively, so he still has that Hellenic look but now I can draw him easier (those himation folds are really hard to draw....)



                      The no.1 fan of Demetheus. I also draw Exalted things and is looking for commission works ~

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                      • Ohhhh, I can't find many good references on how ancient Greek uses make-up so I have to use the style around here instead. Though apparently cinnabar was also used in my country as pigment for lipstick and rouge by the upper-class, killing yourself for beauty sure is popular around the ancient world.

                        Last edited by Jen; 08-22-2019, 09:10 AM.


                        The no.1 fan of Demetheus. I also draw Exalted things and is looking for commission works ~

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                        • Cinnabar poisoning also leads to madness

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                          • I haven't been able to find a proper academic article on this...but I've read multiple sources that say Ancient Greeks liked to keep their skin looking pale with an Ointment made from White Lead and Honey....cause if it's not poison, it's not fashion.

                            Also, apparently Unibrows were in vogue! They'd use an olive oil/charcoal mix to darken their eyebrows and link them together! Go brow or go home! | : )

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                            • East Asian also used lead (and rice powder) to whitening their face as well, some quick search can't point me to any safe alternative choice so I guess my Zenith just has to plaster his face with toxin to make men like him after all.


                              The no.1 fan of Demetheus. I also draw Exalted things and is looking for commission works ~

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                              • Originally posted by Jen View Post
                                East Asian also used lead (and rice powder) to whitening their face as well, some quick search can't point me to any safe alternative choice so I guess my Zenith just has to plaster his face with toxin to make men like him after all.

                                Resitance Charms are handy for that.


                                The Book of Laughing Serpents, Vol 1,Vol. 2,,Vol 3; Vol 4; Vol 5 , Vol 6
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                                Patreon here: https://patreon.com/undeadauthorsociety
                                San Jeanro Co-Op writer. Volume 1 here Volume 2 here
                                My folklore and horror blog, here:http://undeadauthorsociety.com

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