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  • Originally posted by Jen View Post
    there are lots of repeated personal pronouns which sounds pretty weird to my ears, though hopefully not to native English speakers...
    It's not too bad. English uses pronouns way, way more than most languages (for example "It is raining", while most languages say something equivalent to "Now rain" or just "rains". I don't know about Vietnamese.).

    We do mix it up a bit, but you have done that at the end; this man, the witch, etc. I might suggest starting the second paragraph with one of those (the witch's, this man's) rather than his. Other than that it's fine.


    My characters:
    Dr Soma Vaidya, viper-totem Lunar and kung-fu doctor
    Brother Alazar, Zenith occultist and last survivor of the Black Monastery of Leng
    Avatar by Jen

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    • Originally posted by Zale View Post
      I love your reference page. Your artwork always has really nicely done clothing (and beautiful men). There's really good coloring and shading and I love the little decorations and flourishes. The use of personal pronouns doesn't sound strange to me, and I think you did a good job conveying his personality and capabilities.
      Ah, if it can convey those info effectively then I won't have to worry too much about writing a bunch of short story for these characters after all.

      Originally posted by Clophiroth View Post
      I love the design of his clothes!
      Thanks thanks, I feel like designing the character's cloth is one of my strong suit so I'm glad it's somewhat true ~

      Originally posted by The Wizard of Oz View Post

      It's not too bad. English uses pronouns way, way more than most languages (for example "It is raining", while most languages say something equivalent to "Now rain" or just "rains". I don't know about Vietnamese.).

      We do mix it up a bit, but you have done that at the end; this man, the witch, etc. I might suggest starting the second paragraph with one of those (the witch's, this man's) rather than his. Other than that it's fine.
      Oooh, it's indeed something like "Rains there". And yeah, everything is he/him/his in the first draft and it looks so painful to read so I either have to mix it up or adding a short sentence before the pronoun to make it looks less repeated.


      The no.1 fan of Demetheus. I also draw Exalted things and is looking for commission works ~

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      • Also me trying to make comic with halftone insteaf of color since the later take way too much time. This only take me an hour or so to draw so I can definitely make a webcomic with this \(*w*)/


        The no.1 fan of Demetheus. I also draw Exalted things and is looking for commission works ~

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        • Haeun's battle uniform, I haven't nailed down his fighting style just yet, it probably involves the Eye of Autochthon though I still don't know anything about this Artifact aside from "You can homebrew anything for this" 🙃



          The no.1 fan of Demetheus. I also draw Exalted things and is looking for commission works ~

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          • Actually, there's a writeup for it in the 1e book, the Storyteller's Companion. It's a lot bigger than your drawing would suggest.

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            • Is it about a sorcerer (and later Dynast) who uses the Eye but then latter got destroyed since this artifact has a thing for killing its master?


              The no.1 fan of Demetheus. I also draw Exalted things and is looking for commission works ~

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              • Originally posted by Jen View Post
                Is it about a sorcerer (and later Dynast) who uses the Eye but then latter got destroyed since this artifact has a thing for killing its master?
                It's more that improper use of the artifact tends to result in something pretty catastrophic. There's a dice pool you roll when you try and make it do something, and failure on the roll is fairly lethal.

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                • With a Solar dicepool and a Presenc buffer who give non-charm dices, failures should be a worry for me.


                  The no.1 fan of Demetheus. I also draw Exalted things and is looking for commission works ~

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