The Out-Of-Context Quote Thread 2

[webkilla]

Because I can't stop writing these things down - here we go again!!!
Link to thread 1: http://forum.theonyxpath.com/forum/m...-quotes-thread


P1: "Do you mind if I eat his disks?"
ST: "Yes I do, because we're not waiting for them to pass through you and come out again"

P1: "Are they screams of pain?"
ST: "Yes"
P1: "Mmmm, just like when in war - good times"

P2: "How many penises can we attached to a zombie?"
P3: "It wont just be as big as a baby's arm holding an apple.. it will be a baby's arm holding an apple"
P2: "Nah, just find the biggest arm and the smallest zombie to do it to"
p3: "Instead of attaching an arm to their groin, attach a third leg"
P1: "It'll be Greg with the extra leg.... wait, we can make John Dillerman!"

P1: "I punch them like Magic Mike jumping out a cake"

P3: "We turn the ghost into Fidel Castro"
ST: "Wasn't it bad enough that you made that bard in the Lap into Karl Marx?"
P3: "We didn't get the revolution we needed"

ST: "The ghost starts kicking the unconcious ghosts, screaming that they're lazy bastards who aren't aren't working hard for the revolution"

ST: "This is Exalted, you can stunt your sleep"

[HalfTangible]

GM: "She is the head of House Calida. Ambitious, industrious..."
P1: "... single?"
GM: "She is successfully married with several kids."
P1: "Any single daughters?"
GM: "Her kids are married, too. We're talking more GILF than MILF."
P2: "Still has ILF, though."

-

GM: "The entire room is splattered with blood and ransacked. [P2's aunt]'s corpse is lying right by the bed."
P3: "Whoah. What happened here?"

-

NPC admiral: “Her too? Well. This whole assassination thing seems contagious, hahaha”
P1 (deadpan): “Very funny ma’am.”
NPC: “Don’t walk into any dark bedrooms.”
P1: "He actually snickers at that, because he thinks it's a sex joke."

-

NPCMonk: "Some of my students got into a doctrinal dispute with the Temple of Sacred Blood. They were heavily outnumbered, but held well; it was ultimately inconclusive."
GM: "P2, you know this is code for a martial arts brawl."
P2: "Like a New York gang war."

[webkilla]

p1: "Nailing people's ghost into necrotech machines is a step in the right direction - I prefer to rehabilitate people"
p2: "Its a bit like a communist 5 year plan. its productive, but not in a nice way"
p1: "I'm sure they have good intention"
P2: "I doubt it"
p1: "Oh, so its worse than communism"
p2: "yes, worse than communism"
p1: "Only slightly"

p1: "We can make rope out of the zombie's innards"
p2: "not sure it'd be strong rope"

st: "So you dont like to roll dice, you just want to use charms?"
p2: "Yes"

st: "If you drop your nerve gas at your feet, your circle-mates might get hurt"
p2: "They can hold their breath"
st: "that would make it really difficult to yell at you"
p2: "win win"

[webkilla]

P1: "I don't think I've ever tried to put his eye in my mouth"
P2: "You still have time"

P3: "I stunt my stamina roll because I've been carrying this group since forever"

P2: "I express my intelligence via physical violence"

P3: "we can put slurry on the door hinges"
p1: "I splurt slurry on the door"

P3: "I'm not saying its the right solution... but its an effective solution: nerve gas"
p1: "Why isn't that right?"
p3: "Its a waste of labor to kill them all"

p3: "You can jam one ghost up the butt of the other ghost, and show that to their supervisor, then threaten him with doing the same to him if he doesn't cooperate"
ST: "I had never expected you to say something like that..."
p1: "We'll only need to gag one - the other one will be muffled up his ass"
A little later
p3: "Was this necesary? No... but was it fun? Yes!"

P2: "Before we begin our interrogation, [p1's character] should eat his foot"
ST: "You already threatened him with Hancocking his co-workers..."
P3: "We accepted that we're the baddies a long time ago"

P2: "The best thing I did today was stab a helpless prisoner"

[AnubisXy]

Happened last week

P1: "So you wrote up stats for this guy, right? How big is his penis?"
ST: "I... uhh.. whuh? Yeah I wrote up stats for him but I didn't write down the size of his penis. Does it really matter?"
P1: "Hell yeah. I've got this stunt in mind. I was going to judo flip him by his weiner, but I need to know how big his dick is first."
ST: "... ... uhh... well I guess he'd be average? So that's like 6 inches? And he's 10 feet tall so... I dunno. I'll say 7?"
P1: "Probably not quite long enough then. Damn, wish his shlong was bigger."
P2: "I'll bet that's not the first time you've said that about some guy before."
P3: "Wow. Imagine this poor guy. Huge 10 foot tall barbarian in a loincloth. He comes up to cause trouble with you. So you flip his loincloth and then say how you're disappointed because his dick is too small for you to stunt with. And you do it right in front of his followers. I don't think he's ever going to recover from that. He should have negative initiative for sure if the fight starts."

[webkilla]

Happened last week

P1: "So you wrote up stats for this guy, right? How big is his penis?"
ST: "I... uhh.. whuh? Yeah I wrote up stats for him but I didn't write down the size of his penis. Does it really matter?"
P1: "Hell yeah. I've got this stunt in mind. I was going to judo flip him by his weiner, but I need to know how big his dick is first."
ST: "... ... uhh... well I guess he'd be average? So that's like 6 inches? And he's 10 feet tall so... I dunno. I'll say 7?"
P1: "Probably not quite long enough then. Damn, wish his shlong was bigger."
P2: "I'll bet that's not the first time you've said that about some guy before."
P3: "Wow. Imagine this poor guy. Huge 10 foot tall barbarian in a loincloth. He comes up to cause trouble with you. So you flip his loincloth and then say how you're disappointed because his dick is too small for you to stunt with. And you do it right in front of his followers. I don't think he's ever going to recover from that. He should have negative initiative for sure if the fight starts."

I can only assume that the stunt was for a social attack to utterly crush the poor barbarian's soul

[webkilla]

ST: "I am somewhat disturbed that every time you say you're the dog eater, that I can actually hear a dog yipping in your background..."

[webkilla]

finally at it again

P1: "I don't want to lick him"

P2: "Everything is a bootycall if you're brave enough"

P1: "How long is my nutsack?"
ST: "long, but not lasoo long"
p1: "Custom charm time!"

p2: "How do you NOT know that its the way to Narnia?"

p1: "I eat the broom"

p3: "I would feel bad if I was a good person, but I'm not"

p1: "We take all the un-eaten brooms from the closet and use them to light a fire next to the monstrance"

ST: "Nobody has asked what the First and Forsaken Lion's gender identity is"

[webkilla]

p1: "If I ignore it, I can still keep on"
ST: "You're Int 3, you're not stupid enough to pull that off"
p1: "Damnit..."

p1: "I sprint at him slowly"

p2: "It's basically crack"
ST: "Isn't it more like... hero crack?"
p1: "Fuck me up fam"

p2: "I feel like this is a hate crime"
ST: "You shot him in the nuts with a steam gun..."

ST: "At least you didn't smack the other deathknight with the monstrance you stole"

p2: "i pump his butt full of essence"
ST: "You're inside is butt already, you can't do that"

st: "your prisoner keeps waking up throughout the night, what do you do? Do you knock him out again?"
p1: "I don't mind beating my meat once an hour"

p3: "we can waterboard him with nutrient slurry"

p1: "I only kept him prisoner because I forgot to let go of him"
p2: "we can sell him to a brothel"
p1: "I wont kinkshame"

[webkilla]

P1: "I do it by not doing it like the cheese chase"

p2: "Its fair folk, don't be realistic"

P2: "I'm not a catholic priest, so that doesn't work on me"

ST: "You look at the children clamoring to the fair folk lord, and conclude that they're fit, healthy and look just fine"
P3: "I press x to doubt"

p2: "We don't have anything to use children for"

p2: "I would rather blend a child than a dog, and we've already blended a dog"

ST: "yes, being yeeted far away so you're not in range of the following AOE attack is sort of a dodge"
p2: "Its a powerplay"

p3: "Its difficult to step on a child when you're 4 yards tall"
st: "dunno, sounds exceptionally easy"

p3: "I considered nerve-gas, but that would have been mean"

p2: "Cut off its testicles with a sharp rock"
p3: "we're in the desert, its all sand"
p2: "Glass?"

st: "I dunno, with these guys they'll just pinch your cheeks"
p2: "God damnit"

[webkilla]

P1: "How unfortunate for them that they're edible, and we're not"

P2: "Do you need help making dinner?"
P3: "No, lets get out of here!"

P4: "Better put the children down, its the human way to do it"

NPC: "That's a great question - please find the answer by experimenting on someone elses monstrance of celestial portion"

p4: "we just sacrifed a kindergarden - lets fuck up some bugs"

ST: "Wait, so you killed him with buggery?"
p2: "Its true"

P1: "I am speed!"

ST: "You are the closest to a voice of reason in this group"
P3: "That's rough..."

[webkilla]

P1: "I only have Int 3, I can't count to 4"

P1: "If there's something in this alchemical city made of organic material that I bite, is it then violence, vandalism or kink?"
ST: "You ask questions that are not meant to be answered"
P1: "Isn't that part of being intelligent, asking questions nobody knows the answer to?"

P2: "Lets fuck up the realm... no wait lets ally with the realm, no lets destroy them"

P2: "I am ready to give Admiral Sand a bro-job"

P1: "If they start to fling poo at us, I will simply eat it"

P3: "I will city-plan the shit out of the insane-asylum"

P1: "I even though it sounds like a great idea, then its a bad idea"

p1: "Vaginas go brrt"

P1: "I'm a professional idiot"
p2: "Harsh facts"

p1: "I can unload my brain?"

[webkilla]

P1: “That sounds like planning – I’m allergic to that”

p2: "We did something intelligent for once!"
p1: "sounds like planning, I don't like it"
p2: "maybe we got rid of that extra cromosome we got earlier"
p3: "just an excuse to act stupid later"

p3: "Just a moment, need to strangle the dog"
p1: "as long as he doesn't do what the rest of us usually do to dogs, then its all good"
p2: "true"

ST: "The jackal tribe elder spits in front of you, saying that he gives of his water to you"
P1: "I think I'll just pre-empt [p2] from using his riot hose, so I'll just return the gesture politely"
p2: u.u

st: "They think the lunatics have escaped and come after them"
p3: "lunatics? oh wait, must be other ones than us"
p2: "its technically correct"

p2: "So I shouldn't ask if they want to lick our elbows?"
p3: "correct"

p2: "I dont need to roll perseption awareness to detect erections"

p2: "So we have a plan. its not a good one... but its a plan"

ST: "So you're not all going to pump your asses full of blue paint, shit on canvase, and become modern arts masters?"
p2: "Nah, not really"
p3: "It was green paint, not blue"

ST: "how many times have you found out that your preconsieved notions of people turned out to be completely wrong?"
p1: "more times than we want to admit"

p2: "What have we gotten ourselves into?"
p1: "Nothing that nerve gas can't solve... if it doesn't work on them, it'll work on us"
p2: “Wont work on you, you’re immune to your own gas”
p1: “Fuck”

p2: "maybe they're hungry for sex?"
p1 "You just start rolling on the table"

[webkilla]

ST: "Hold on, you feel a connect here?"
p1: "Yes, these people in the insane asylum, we're on the level with them here"
p2: "Checks out"

ST: "The deranged seer explodes like a giant vat of beef stroganof"
p3: "I just stand there with my mouth open"

p1: "So what I'm hearing is that [p3's character] is going to be eating goat shit?"

p1: "I tried to formulate it in an intelligent way, but fuck it, I know what I meant"

p2: "They just got a fresh supply of goats... and new toys, but those two are totally unrelated"

p3: "we are approaching the point where its better to say that hitler did nothing wrong, than supporting the shit we're doing"
p1: "Are we that bad?"

p2: "I'll have to work with the tongue I have"

[HalfTangible]

(P1 is a Peleps playboy, P2 is a Ledaal Zealot, and P3 is a Cynis P1 was banging during the campaign before P1 and P2 got married)

-

P1: "So if I kill all three of the Anathema in this town... I get nookie?"
P2: "Yup. Do it in 10 minutes and we'll invite a third along tonight."
>P1 immediately takes off
Ledaal NPC: "... why would you tell him that?"
P2: "Wait for it..."

>8 minutes, 34 seconds later
>P1 comes back covered in blood with three heads in a bag. Surprisingly the town is NOT on fire, because P1 actually has good stealth
P1: "Got 'em. So who did you have in mind as our third?"

-

P2: "Every three anathema [that you kill] you get a 'adventure' pass where I'll agree to do one thing you suggest. Threesome being an example"
P1 (OOC): "The anathema shall quake in fear, knowing that P1's lust is coming for them!!"
P2 (OOC): "Ha. "SHE SAID SHE'D WEAR THE MAID OUTFIT IF I TOOK YOU ASSHOLES DOWN"!"

-

Cathak NPC: "For the Realm!"
P1: "FOR THE STRIPTEASE!"
C: "... wha- You can't use that as your battlecry!"
P1: "Why not? My wife promised me a striptease if I kill these guys."
C: "I... what is with your relationship?"
P1: "Ugh, fine, I'll redeem my pass for something else. How about 'for her foot massage' then?"
C: "NO!"

-

P2: "[we're dynasts,] we have servants for this!! Give her to the nurse before you do some real damage!"
P1: "... But I always wanted to hold my kids... be there for them, ya know?"
P2: "And that's very sweet but you're holding her upside down!"

-

P3: "Yes, it was fun even if the [P3 and P1's] relationship had little drama."
P1: "Surprisingly, sometimes two characters are banging because they like each other."
P3: "The horror."