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(fansplat idea) the Cosmic Exalted, Chosen of Nemesis the Red Sun

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  • (fansplat idea) the Cosmic Exalted, Chosen of Nemesis the Red Sun

    this is an old idea of mine, and while I've initially wanted to wait until 3rd Edition would be out- but I've decided that working on the fluff now won't be too difficult, and that unlike mechanics it won't be too hard to make few small adjustments to it according to the setting once the new edition would be out. Any thought and criticisms would be welcomed!


    Nurihan's house was burned into ash.
    He couldn't believe to that sight- it was like some sort of a mad dream. Everything he worked for- his possessions, his paintings.. his family- everything has turned into ash, carried by the cold wind. Now, he had nothing- he was nothing- and all because he didn't gave up on the job as the court's painter. He knew that his competitor was an aggressive person, but he never thought it would come down to this. He didn't even tried to make it look like an accident- there was a note on the burned house, near the scorched skeletons of his wife and children, saying "All of your bright colours has now turned to black. The painting of your soul in now torn and burned. If you are wise, you should never paint again".
    Nurihan looked at the note, almost can't stop himself from crying. After what happened, he didn't thought he would ever pick a brush again in those life. Not out of fear, but because he simply couldn't. He knew that if he'll ever try, the sight of the burned skeletons and the ash in the wind would haunt him..
    "Don't cry"
    Nurihan looked around, surprised by the sudden voice. There was no one there. He started to think that perhaps he was starting to get mad out of sorrow, when the whisper was heard again- a delicate, feminine voice, echoing as if passed a great distance to reach him.

    "Don't cry" the voice repeated "Tears are meant for the living, not the dead."
    Suddenly, he felt a strong wave of warmth going through his body. All around him, the world has been covered with red mists and black shadows.
    "The dead wish for for passion" the voice continued "They hunger for lust. They yearn for pain. Justice in their bread. Vengeance is their wine"
    Nurihan looked up, and saw a terrible sight- he was no longer near his burned home. Instead, he was on a desolated world, surrounded by lifeless ground and endless darkness while a single source of light was a burning, blood-red sun.

    "There is nothing without a price" the voice kept going, uncaring for Nurihan's horror "The scales must be balanced. The dead are hungry. Help them go to sleep. Fire was the one to devour them.."
    there was a long silence, and then the voice whispered one more sentence.
    "Fire would be the one to feed them"
    A sudden pain went through Nurihan's body. He screamed as his muscles and bones shifted and moved, rearranging themselves into a better, stronger form. Just as he felt like his heart was going to explode- he suddenly saw the faces of his wife and children, smiling, laughing. For them, he would endure it- he would endure everything, just to let them rest in peace..
    And then, as fast as it started, it was over. The pain has vanished, and he was back in front of his burned house- but something was different. He was different. He didn't felt sorrow anymore- instead, his mind was sharp, clearer then it ever was. He opened his bag and pulled a single item- a brush. Looking at it, he felt the smile showing upon his lips- he was wrong, apparently. He was going to make another painting in his life.
    And this one would be blood red.



    After the Primordials finished forging the world from raw chaos and created the gods to supervise it, they put one above them all to govern Creation as its great guardian- the Unconquered Sun. His light shined brightly as it cut through the Wyld and banished the horrors back to the dark sea from which they spawned. In order to make sure it would never fail in its mission, the makers has made him perfect- no one would ever be able to stand against him, and his radiance would burn all of the world's enemies into ash.

    While the Primordials were happy with their creation, one has dared to doubt their success- the Wyld was the realm of endless possibilities. In that pure chaos, everything could happen. What would if one day, the impossible would be possible, and the Unconquered Sun would be conquered? While usually the proud Primordials would scuff such ideas as nonsense, the one to rise the question was Oramus. Knowing that he was among the wisest of their kind, the others heeded his warning and started to think about a plan to deal with that impossible scenario- and for that reason, they birthed another Sun, one which was like a dark mirror of her brother- dedicated to vengeance just as the former was dedicated for protection. It was Nemesis, the Blue Sun.

    Seeing the strength of Nemesis, the Primordials wondered what they should with her while the Sun was still shining. There were already two suns in the Heaven, and another would be too much for the world to tolerate. Thankfully, the Dragon Behind the World has already thought about a solution- he put her in deep sleep and sent her to a place who while it was as distant from Creation as possible, it was also able to reach out everywhere on the world. An impossible place for an impossible plan, birthed by the maker of everything which never was- Cosmos, the Edge of the World.

    While Oramus's specialty was thinking about the impossible, there was one thing he missed- that one day, the lowest among Creation would rise with the help of the gods and send him and his siblings into Hell. The Incarna, unaware that another was created, didn't searched after the delicate gates which bonded Cosmos to Creation, and so Nemesis was left alone, lost in the eternal darkness of her birthplace.

    Until one day, she woke up.

    No one knows when exactly it happened- there was a lot of chaos in the world since the Solars fell from their thrones, and there is no record of the first time the Breath of Nemesis has reached Creation. What is known that once she awakened, she saw that her makers bound or dead, that Creation was broken and that her own brothers and sisters were corrupted. While she has never saw Creation in her own eyes, she dreamed about it in her sleep- about a beautiful garden, guarded by five elements and illuminated by magnificent light. Now, her dream was ruined- and justice had to be done, even if the Heavens were to fall.

    Filled with anger, she pierced her own chest. Shining more brightly then ever, and ripped a piece of her heart. The deed has diminished her, turning her fire from a scorching furnace into cold embers.She was still powerful, but not as she was once. Then, she scattered the pieces of her own broken heart and sent them through the gates. It took hundreds of years for the burning comets of her hatred to reach the Creation, but once they did they immediately found people to carry her rage- people who were broken and lost, that everything was taken from them, that corrupted law has bound them, that all which was pure in their soul was defiled by the deeds of others. Those people absorbed her scorching fire, and those who survived the heat were able to hear the message which was hidden in the visions of their long lost Patron- this world is broken. Fix it.

    Since then, the Cosmic Exalts (as they name themselves after the whereabouts of their goddess) travel Creation. Some seek to find a way to bring their Patron back to Creation, replacing the corrupted Sun who cared nothing for their life with a more passionate one. Others simply wished to see the all world burn, and allied themselves with forbidden gods, demons or the dead (especially the latter, since manipulating dead Essence felt natural for their abilities). Most, however, carry out their own little vengeance and bring their own form of justice. This world is not a paradise- but it could be.

    Someone just need to pay the price.


    so- let's speak about my visions for their mechanics a bit. They are meant to be Solaroid in terms of power level- maybe not as strong as a Solar, but still close enough to stand toe to toe with them. They are equal to Abyssals in terms of Necromancy, being able to reach through all of 3 circles. They can reach up to Celestial Circle in Sorcery and Martial Arts, and maybe they can get of Sidereal Martial arts under a guidance (as Solars). They aren't that good with Evocations, which they gain from Soulsteel, and their Charms are Attribute based. I'm also thinking about a system which allows them to bind the souls of the guilty to themselves as some sort of "Vestments" who enhance their abilities, but I'm not sure how that would work. I also have zero idea about names for their Castes.

    so, what do you think?
    Last edited by LostLight; 06-22-2015, 11:03 AM.


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  • #2
    It's an interesting idea...but given their 'newness', the culture and goals of the Cosmics needs to be explained.

    Still, we can only work on fluff until the new edition comes out. I'd wait until Exigents comes out to try and provide the crunch.


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    • #3
      No offense intended but you might also want to get someone to proofread your work; I could barely get through it.

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      • #4
        I'm not a native speaker, and I've wrote it around midnight so I'm not surprised it was written horribly. I've did some editing, so I hope that it is more fluent now.

        Anyway, like I've said in the opening post, I know I should wait for 3rd Edition before start working on the mechanics- I've simply presented the vision I have for them to give a better feeling of what the Cosmics are meant to be, and just their creation story. Now, about their "newness"- I'm not sure they are really that new. I've kinda left it open, and I'm sorry of it wasn't really clear, especially since there are enough "new" things roaming Creation- Deathknights try to murder the world. Infernals summon horrible monsters from Hell. Alchemicals start a crusade to save their dying god.

        Instead, the exact date in which the Cosmic Exalts showed up is lost in history- the first record of one of them already treats them as "the Chosen of the Red Sun" who avenge the dead and judge the living. The chances are that they didn't showed up before the Usurpation or after the Balorian Crusade, but no one knows for sure. I'm not sure about their numbers, but even if there are 300 of them (I think that 150-200 is better for them), most of them are nomads , so most of the people don't notice them. Those who belong to a greater Agenda (like, "Saving Nemesis" or "Destroy the World") usually operate alone or in small Circles. Saying all of that, Creation is a big place, so having a small city ruled by an holy Judge of the gods or having an urban legend of a dark entity to punish the wicked could totally be a thing.



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        • #5
          So does Nemesis want to punish the Incarnae for overthrowing the Primordials? Or for being shitty gods who pay more attention to the Games of Divinity than their actual jobs?


          I am extremely literal-minded and always write very literally. If I don't say something explicitly, please never assume I implied it. The only exception is if I try to joke.
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          • #6
            The mix of them both, although more of the second. If the Incarna wouldn't have broken the world when killing their creators and would have done their best to fix the damage, she would still be mad- but not mad enough to rip her own heart out. She is angry because they don't do what they should- brilliant protectors of Creation. She doesn't know about the Games, of course. As far as she knows, the gods are just lazy- and not just the top gods. Everyone are part of that- even small gods who were born years after the war. The justice of the Heavens isn't justice at all, for the judges are corrupted out of lust, greed and meaningless bureaucracy. Something needs to be changed, and her Chosen are the ones to bring that change..

            At least, that's what the Cosmics claim. Nemesis is a distance goddess, after all. The only interaction her Chosen has with her (without going to Cosmos, which I don't think is a thing) is her message when they take their Second Breath. They know that she is angry, and they know that it is because the gods have screwed up. Exactly why and when they screwed up is a matter of debate- it happened so many times, after all.


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            • #7
              Originally posted by Erinys View Post
              So does Nemesis want to punish the Incarnae... for being shitty gods who pay more attention to the Games of Divinity than their actual jobs?
              I keep seeing this from you.

              Here's a question for you, completely serious:

              What is the Unconquered Sun's job? What is Luna's job? What are the jobs of the Five Maidens of Destiny?

              I'm not being coy, or "making fun of you for not having books." What's the Unconquered Sun's "job?" In what way is he neglecting it?
              Last edited by TheCountAlucard; 06-22-2015, 02:42 PM.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by TheCountAlucard View Post
                I keep seeing this from you.

                Here's a question for you, completely serious:

                What is the Unconquered Sun's job? What is Luna's job? What are the jobs of the Five Maidens of Destiny?

                amm I know it is not directed toward me, but in order to not destroy that thread, let me say what Nemesis think on the subject!

                Nemesis thinks that the Incarna's job is to actively protect Creation. They if the world is kinda messed up, like the Underworld or swarming demons or horrors of the Wyld, they should go and fight them directly, not letting everything to rot because some law says they shouldn't. Sure, it may not be the true purpose of those gods, but that's what she thinks, and her Chosen usually agree with her. After all, it is not hard to see that someone screwed up, and why not to blame the one who is officially in charge?

                (again, that looked kinda personal, and if it is so, please don't ruin my thread. Please? *puppy eyes*)


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                • #9
                  Fine, made a thread for it.

                  But just to be clear, Nemesis is wrong.

                  Unconquered Sun isn't the owner or even the manager of the nightclub that is Creation - he was the bouncer, then he realized that he was getting shitty pay and no benefits, so he got some homies to trash the place and take up the place themselves; he went home and smoked a bowl while his friends hung up a sign reading "Under New Management." That may have been irresponsible on his part, but his bosses refused to let him quit.
                  Last edited by TheCountAlucard; 06-22-2015, 03:52 PM.

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                  • #10
                    Sure, I've never said that Nemesis was right. She just believes she right, especially since she believes herself to be the most objective form of justice- she never suffered under the Primordial's rule, and she actually slept during most of the disasters that happened in Creation. But Exalted is the kind of game where everyone are kind of dick, and the fact that Nemesis tries to force "objective justice" upon others doesn't make her better. After all, not all of her Chosen try to actively make the skies to fall- most just try to bring their own justice to the world, and to hell with anyone who stands in their way.


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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by LostLight View Post
                      (without going to Cosmos, which I don't think is a thing)
                      Maybe it should be. Instead of 'Vestments' idea, have the Cosmic Exalt be able to sentence the souls of those they find unjust, via special charms, to Cosmos, suffering under the red sun until they are permitted to find 'redemption' by being summoned by a Cosmic Exalt through special rituals, giving the condemned people powers and mutations based on why they where sent there, but losing these mutations upon the completion of their time of service.


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                      • #12
                        sounds like an interesting idea!


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                        • #13
                          so I think I've talked about Nemesis enough- let's talk about her Chosen! (after all, they are the ones you are going to play)

                          Considering that they were created years after the Primordial War, and that their Patron was never part of the rebellion, there is no reason for them to suffer from the Great Curse. I do think that there is a place for some sort of "limit break" for them, something which drives them to fulfill their vengeance and bring their justice at all cost. Either something which works like Clarity for Alchemicals (that is, a meter which makes them more into the mythological Furies and less like people) or that once they Exalt they form their own Code of Conduct which defines exactly what their Justice is- and if they don't follow that Code shit happens. Changing/expanding the Code would be possible, but would require some hard work. Maybe that Code should be carved to their skin once they Exalt, which could be cool. If you didn't noticed, I'm leaning toward the second option :P

                          now, few examples for Cosmic characters-

                          Nurihan was an highly renown artist who even served in the local Northern court as the noble's personal painter- when his rival burned everything he had out of spite, including his family. That was when Nemesis has chosen him as her Exalted, giving him the power to avenge his family- which he did by burning his former rival alive. Since then, he travels the North as a nomad painter, searching to fix the small problems of the world, stopping one evil at a time- the ghost of his dead enemy still serves him.

                          In the island of Markebesh, the ultimate authority is Darihanna. While she isn't officially in rule, everyone know that nothing would happen in the city without her approval. Every new law which the Elder Council wishes to pass must go through her, and every time a crime is committed she is the ones to serve as the judge. No one remembers for how many years she has ruled the city, and many worship her as the goddess of justice. She doesn't allow the worship of other gods in her kingdom. Those beings are corrupted, she believes, and only her law is pure enough to guide the nation.

                          In the shadows of Silesster, a small city in the East, moves a being the locals simply know as the Shadow in Crimson. The stories say that every once and a while, when the people of the city break some ancient law granted by gods which were already forgotten, he shows up- a living shadow, heralded by the dead. Then, he butcher the ones to break the old law and takes his soul for himself, leaving behind only a bloody mess and a torn corpse. There are very few evidence for his existence, but the leaders of the city are frightened by him. They have recorded up to 20 different taboos which Shadow enforce, and make his laws into theirs. Shadow doesn't mind. It just makes his life a lot easier.

                          Yun Tang is one of Nemesis's most zealous followers. For him, the only way to fix the world would be by destroying the current management and replace it with the rule of his goddess. He works on a complex ceremony which is meant to eventually summon Nemesis to the world, stronger and more powerful then ever. He tries thinking on all kinds of solutions for that problem- either bu summoning her into the Pole of Fire, using the light of the Sun as a power source of even feeding back to her the Essence she lost in the creation of her Chosen (which would require the death of all the Cosmics in existence, but is is a small price to pay to save the world). In order to complete the ritual, he does some very.. unclean things. He questions demons. He speaks with specters. He seek advice among the Forbidden Gods. He even worked together with loyal Abyssals and Infernals in search after the knowledge he lacks for the spell. Sure, those are sins- and Nemesis would judge him when she will be back, but its fine- as long as it is her law to judge him.

                          When the Abyssal known as Flowers in the Bone rose her army of the Dead and started a campaign in the South, he was sure that no one would be powerful enough to challenge him- especially not the small village who was forsaken by Ahalt. He didn't expected the rise of a young general could Hinra of the Sands. She managed to gather the small village into great legions, uniting them under a common goal- not survival, but sending the dead back to their grave. While no mortal, no matter how powerful he or she may be, was enough to challenge his dread armies, Hinra apparently wasn't a regular mortal- she commanded strange magics, disrupting his control over the dead and turning her enemies into her allies. Eventually, both of them met in the battlefield- yet none won. After meeting her, it was clear she was no regular mortal woman- red light covered her, and she wielded weapons made out of forged souls as easily as he did. After a week of straight fighting, the two had to declare a draw, each separating to his way. Since then, the two have thought only through their armies- although Bone still eager to meet her again.


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                          • #14
                            My only nit pick is that nemesis shouldn't have known how to make a exaltation since she never received the blueprints from the great maker. Nor has she stolen one so she can't reverse engineer one, or warp one to fit her needs. It took the greatest creative mind to come up with the exalted, and he had to perform vivisection on mortal essence using lintha.

                            That isn't to say that nemesis couldn't have taken a potion of her heart and forged a race like Dragon kings or demons to serve as her eyes and hands on the distant creation. But without having seen one nor receive instructions for crafting them from the inventory, there is no way she could have known how to or thought even to create exalted.


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                            • #15
                              considering that this is going to be in 3rd edition format, I'm going with the new definition of what Exaltation is- meaning "Exaltation is the result of a heroic mortal becoming something greater due to a god's intervention". I believe that the way the Cosmic were created answer that definition.


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