The Out-of-Context Game Quotes Thread

[Wednesday]

"Did you just hit him with murple?"

"I will starve you until nobody remembers you. I will make you the god of my shoes."

"She eats people...and you kiss her?"

"I didn't say lobotomizing them was a good idea."

"Weaver, why are all of these kittens meowing in unison?"

"Attention, everyone! We are here to kidnap the Satrap! You should absolutely stop us immediately."

"I'm only good at singing, sailing, and swording."

"Seriously, stop eating my budget."

"I can come back later when you're done talking to the...fish?"

"It's a Kill-Thedral. We voted on the name, and that got first place."
(Kill-Thedral is pronounced like Cathedral... but with killing)

"You enslaved a Tyrant Lizard and rode him here?"-PC 1
"I named him Nummykins."-PC 2

"When we get back, I'm going to build a floating city full of smart people."

[Synapse]

"I'm done trying to seduce the First and Forsaken Lion with dance."

[heroicantagonist]

"I turn into a vole and fuck off." - A player describing his character's action while I was ST'ing

[WarDragon]

"Stop poking the fourth wall!"

If that girl got herself killed, he was going to learn necromancy just to say "I told you so" to her ghost.

[noshpan]

"What's your Bashing soak?" (ST)

"21" (Me as my Raptok, this was 1e)

"I hate you so very much." (ST)

[heroicantagonist]

-snip-

"Attention, everyone! We are here to kidnap the Satrap! You should absolutely stop us immediately."

-snip-

"Seriously, stop eating my budget."

These two are my favorites.

[Kyman201]

"... SHUT UP! God, short version! Knockout, humiliation, demon showed up, deal, hell powers, REVENGE!" - A villain I was running who quickly became a friendly GMPC

"Most women would be happy to receive my pants!" - A PC

[Valles]

"Ummm... Well, I came to the mall with Minmei and Sue and the others and we were going to go see a movie but then the line was so long we weren't able to get in in time so instead we spent some time at the arcade and then went to eat lunch and then those two thugs from that stupid gang with the Ryuujin showed up and they tried to hit on you and you were really awesome down there dealing with them and then the crazy guy with the LA LA LA showed up with a stolen teacup and broke it and everybody went 'What?' because really crazy singing guy with LA LA LA and I remembered that he'd borrowed a book from the library my part-time job's at and then we'd never seen him again so I called my boss who was right there because he showed up a little later with the cards and I don't know what that was about and he said we'd never gotten the books back and a big part of my job is going to find people who've taken books out and asking them to give them back and most of the time they're like 'Oops, I forgot' but sometimes they're like 'Mine now, bimbo!' and that's really rude because I'm third in my class and then I have to kung fu their faces and I was kind of worried that I'd have to do that with him going LA LA LA but that wasn't how it worked out so that was just as well, and then my boss showed up and what do the cards say, anyway?" - PC

"That would be the one with the crazy Burman guy in the red and the stupid hat with the chin and he was all MUAHAHAHAH about conquering the martial arts world and then there was this girl with this scarf and this other one with the shoe polish and the no pants and they were all pow and zot and then they had to drop out and then everyone else in the semifinals got a pass and then the bell rang but she missed it and yack yack yack and I waited for a minute and a half and then the Ref made this angry face at me so I thought I'd better get on with it even if she wasn't done yet and then I hit her and I mean she'd made it to the semifinals so she should've been able to get up, she really should've!" - Same PC

"Ohmigod was that a confession? What am I gonna do! I mean we're both girls and my parents have no idea I like girls at all and we'd have to tell them and that could go really wrong and there's Yusubi who's really nice and forgave me for hitting her through a parking meter and anybody that can live through that is amazing and speaking of amazing I know you've seen her rack but on the other hand you have really awesome legs, too, which is why the red really stuck out and I didn't actually mean to insult you about that and oh, yeah, we were fighting, weren't we?" - Same PC


"Yep! So, my boss who works at the library got a call from these guys he knows in the museum about the things that they should have had to display with the ki woo-woo-" she waved her hands vaguely "-and they said they'd been stolen which is kind of wierd because that kind of thing can't be easy to fence and I'm pretty sure I said so but then my boss said that she was using them for super-ki-boosting woo-woo-" she waved her hands again "and taking over the local streets which really seems like kind of a waste when you could use them to win international tournaments like Dead or Alive and never have to work again but that's what she's done so I guess she must just like bullying people or something because she's got this whole gang working for her and they're really not very nice at all more like the villain gangs in a gang show than the ones you're supposed to root for because two of them just stormed up to Yusubi in the middle of the mall and spilled her noodles so she knocked them out and then when we came to this district to look for their boss to get the beads back the way my boss wanted they picked a fight again and got thumped and but then she didn't show up after that so Yusubi and I sparred for a bit and her clothes got wrecked and I felt really bad about that and then Mister Mercury offered to pay for us to go clothes shopping to replace them and then just when we were finishing up on that you showed up." - Same PC

"... Sometimes listening to you makes me feel high." - ST as NPC


"I met this girl Yusubi at the mall and she was really awesome and then Boss handed her a business card and told me to come to a meeting too and it turned out he wanted us to find these magic ki woo woo-" she waved her hands vaguely, ignoring the fact that she was standing just inside her door in her nicest bra and panties "-bead things that'd been stolen from a museum and we went looking and I thought we'd spar to get the thief's attention because she was a gang leader and a fight on her turf right? Right. And Yusubi's an Okami so that was really fun and I won but our clothes kind of got ruined so Crazy La La La man loaned us his credit card and we went to get more and then this girl I'd fought in that tournament I told you about with the crazy red dictator guy and the girl with no pants and she wanted revenge on me and had hell powers and we won and bought her dinner and she was actually pretty nice and her name was Yiling so she moved in with Yusubi who has her own apartment since she didn't have any place to stay and then we all fought at the Ring and I beat Yiling and she asked me out and I kind of said yes and after my last match did I mention I made it to the semifinals Yusubi was all nonverbal and Grrr and she kissed me and I, um, liked that a lot, and I was really really punch drunk and I kind of said I wanted to make both of them my girlfriends and I swear I don't know what I was thinking and now they're both coming here and I have a date and I have no idea what to wear, help, Mama!" - Same PC


"Yeah, love potions never work right. That's a rule or something," - A different PC


"Well no but we're dating so I'm pretty sure that they count for purposes of no sex and beating up and turning up in the harbor missing vital bits." - Actually the same PC, being brief for once.

[Lucil]

"Everyone, gather round and listen up. You DID NOT see me and I was NEVER here." - Solar PC

[The Hanged Man]

An Earthdawn quote rather than an Exalted one, but...

"I didn't say she's a horror, I said she's a whore. Like your mother."

... followed by the sinking realization that this was the DM he'd just shouted this at, and timidly offering to turn over his character sheet for immediate burning.

[amechra]

"I trust this man implicitly."

"I have FLAME-VISION, unlimited range! See, it's on my character sheet!"

"I am Drakath, son of Rashak!"
"I am Luke!"

"What languages does everyone speak again?"
"I speak War."

"Close the book, close the book!"
"You stop falling."

"You run into a bear-trap. That is, a bear made of traps. Roll initiative." (OK, not Exalted, but still amusing.)

"You silly living people, with your need to breath. If you became Undead, you wouldn't have that problem!"

"We are servants of your god! He demands the sacrifice of your high priest!"
"Whoops, that didn't work... alright, whose next in line?"

"Fuck it! I turn him to stone!"

"Goddammit, I'm playing a corporate spook again." (Pre-game, still funny.)

"OK, so I open my mouth real wide and I vomit a blizzard on him."

[Jutlander]

From a game of Burn Legend:

NPC: "The land belongs to no one."

PC: "Then I can build my house on it."

NPC: "I built the house I was born in."

PC: "Then you can bury yourself in the rosegarden behind it."

[Prometheus878]

NPC: "I built the house I was born in."

... Wha?

[The MG]

"If someone calls himself 'Brian, Destroyer of Oklahoma' you don't just ask if he's American."

[noshpan]

Non-Exalted related but they were movie quotes I made in D&D games

Another player: "Where do these stairs go?"
Me: "They go up!"

Me: "Slimy, yet satisfying."