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  • Originally posted by Lupislacertus View Post
    "I will not let you bribe the storm gods with mechs." me- the storyteller. My girlfriend's mom who plays D&D heard this as her only introduction to exalted.

    there are many things storm gods should have. mechs are not one of them


    now, new session from my end:

    ST: "I have a random encounter table. Be afraid"
    p1: "Do we get to meet the tea house guy again?"

    ST: "Who here can honk [player 2]'s character's horn the best?]

    p2: "I was afraid

    p1: "You can pop my slurry"

    p3: "I'll just be slobbering in my armpit"

    ST: "They are large, greyish and have chimneys for horns"
    p1: "So its [player 2]'s mother?]

    ST: "The vilagers are 1/10th the size of normal people"
    p1: "its going to be difficult to get a tinder date here"
    ST: "Depends on how kinky you are"
    p1: "Little people tinder, natch"

    p1: "I do not abuse children and smurfs"

    ST: "The tiny people agree but still think you're an idiot"

    p1: "I start to touch my self"
    p2: "No you do not"



    Malfeas F'Tagn - go check out my epic MLP/Exalted crossover "The Scroll of Exalted ponies" @ Fimfiction

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    • “Okay, so so far we’ve got the cult warrior, the warrior cultist, the warrior cult evangelist, and the artifact cultist. Did I miss anyone who’s actually said anything about their character yet because I’m seeing a pattern here. 😆”

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      • "The lunar isn't a dirty bomb" explaining a tactic to a fellow player having moral issues with my plan.

        Comment


        • P1: "At least three of them has to be a reference to P3's genitals"

          P1: "We've made a new friend without developing a new fetish"

          P2: "I just have a long scrote note, but not a fetish for it, I failed that roll"

          P1: "I rip off my clothes to reveal my leather daddy outfit to the fairfolk lord"
          ST: "The fair folk lord recoils in horror and his head explodes"

          p1: "We need a hole into the underworld, who volunteers to being a serial killer?"

          p2: "I'll throw them out into the wyld"
          ST: "All four and a half thousand?"
          p2: "I'll do it all day"

          p1: "I think its a good idea... except the thing about eating people, unless we turn them into food pills first"



          Malfeas F'Tagn - go check out my epic MLP/Exalted crossover "The Scroll of Exalted ponies" @ Fimfiction

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          • Invisible Horse Princess: I got some good one-liners in this session, which is all I really care about.

            -----------

            Huyla: "Why are you following me? Can't you see the Council is our enemy?"
            Invisible Horse Princess: "Bitch, I can't see anything!"

            ​------------

            Huyla: "If the Emissary still wants to kill me, will you back me up?"
            Invisible Horse Princess: "The Emissary knows better than to make an enemy of me."

            -----------

            ​Invisible Horse Princess: "I'm trying to finish a jigsaw puzzle, but the puzzle pieces are made of a little girl's shredded soul."

            -----------

            Emissary of Nexus: "Lay your hand on this stone and say those words again, please."

            Invisible Horse Princess: "Can I have my hand back now? It was a gift."
            Last edited by TheCountAlucard; 04-11-2021, 06:16 PM.


            He/him

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            • P2: "I use my vuvuzelas to play the people a happy tune, all the while ripping the head off [player 1's character] to prevent him for humming the crazy frog tune"
              ST: "I'll be honest, you stopping him from doing the crazy frog thing almost makes up for using a vuvuzela"


              p3: "We can't make the manse do like in airports, darn"
              st: "Sorry, you can't make the manse grope people like the TSA"
              p1: "We shouldn't limit what liquids people can bring"

              P3: "I have a final solution for the village of mutants... we kill and eat them"
              p1: "no dont, we would have the only brothel that offers sex with five-inch tall tiny people"

              p2: "Who wants to inherit my penis"

              ST: "You lend your pill machine to the machine city. Now you will have to wait with recycling people's pets until you get it back again"




              Malfeas F'Tagn - go check out my epic MLP/Exalted crossover "The Scroll of Exalted ponies" @ Fimfiction

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              • P1: “Illiteracy buddies!”
                P2: “Imagine reading.”
                P1: “They can’t.”
                P3: “Oh shoot... That requires a dot of Lingistics now doesn't it...”
                P1: “ILLITERACY BUDDIES”
                P4: “What's the point of having a smart cousin if you have to learn to read anyway?”

                Comment


                • "I think surfing the horse will be more productive"


                  Check my Exalted homebrew!

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                  • “Words are not my strength.”
                    “Nor mine. Fortunately I have my cousin to call upon when I require one skilled with his tongue.”

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                    • ok, new session:

                      ST: Right lads, lets not have this session just be us talking about latin grammar and verb conjugation

                      P1: Lets not rush too much, that way we can blackmail them some more

                      p2: "We have accomplished something. I don't know what, but its something"

                      p2: "I thought I was only drinking apple juice"

                      p3: "that sounds like a far too sensible an idea. Let us instead run out and eat a table"



                      Malfeas F'Tagn - go check out my epic MLP/Exalted crossover "The Scroll of Exalted ponies" @ Fimfiction

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                      • It's just a kidney, it'll grow back.


                        Check my Exalted homebrew!

                        Comment


                        • P1: "We're underage, the sidereals can't hold us on anything"
                          P2: "True... none of us are more than a year and a half old... does Yu-Shan have a minimum age of criminal responsibility?"
                          ST: "Depends on how much you piss them off"
                          P1: "we sacrifice [player 3's character]'s balls to appease the gods"
                          p2: "so long as you don't rape him"
                          p1: "It wasn't rape"
                          p2: "You spiked the air around you"
                          p1: "I'm underage, can't be found guilty"


                          p2: "The dragon looks like he skipped leg day"

                          p1: "I always dreamt of giving her the rod"

                          p2: "Do you need a penis?"
                          p3: "I thought I had one?"
                          p2: "Do you need a second one?"

                          p1: "Don't lewd the loli"
                          p4: "It would socially acceptable to punch the shit out of anyone who does that"





                          Malfeas F'Tagn - go check out my epic MLP/Exalted crossover "The Scroll of Exalted ponies" @ Fimfiction

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                          • P1: "I have a large penis, I crave horse"

                            St: "Just imagine smelling a mix of blood and crocodile shit"


                            Malfeas F'Tagn - go check out my epic MLP/Exalted crossover "The Scroll of Exalted ponies" @ Fimfiction

                            Comment


                            • P1: "We must treat Plentimon like a waifu"
                              St: "...so, make a bodypillow in plentimon's image and abuse that in unspeakable ways?"
                              P1: "That's the spirit!"

                              P2: "I recall my training about precisely flying my beetle into the testicles of that vengeful god we fought earlier"

                              P2: "What is a compas?"
                              P1: "Can you eat it?"

                              P1: "I shall only pee on where the pee comes out"

                              ST: "Do you open the letter?"
                              P3: "I want to eat it, then we can just guess what was inside"
                              p1: "If there's glitter inside, we'll feed it to you"

                              p2: "Since i'm doing a Ginyu-pose, then him attacking me like that is slightly gay"

                              p1: "Am I the only one trained in giving BJs? Come guys, that's weak"
                              p2: "I'm strung up on the ceiling, dripping on you..."
                              p3: "You are such a disapointment"

                              p3: "If you say the brown word, you get the brown mustache"
                              p2: "I'll just eat it"
                              p3: "A new fetish?"


                              Malfeas F'Tagn - go check out my epic MLP/Exalted crossover "The Scroll of Exalted ponies" @ Fimfiction

                              Comment


                              • Been having a lot of fun with my new group. Not in any particular order:

                                -

                                P1: "I betcha he's not kidnapped. He just wanted to go out and have an adventure."
                                P2: "What, seriously? The guy's caravan was attacked and his bodyguards slaughtered, you think he's just off seeing the sights?"
                                P1: "Sure! I'd love to be kidnapped! It'd be a new experience for me!"

                                -

                                (during a duel)
                                P2: "As I go past, I make kissy noises in her ear, taunting her to hit anima flux and lose the duel."
                                Everyone: "..."
                                P3: "I unleash the full fury of the tides on P2. (stunted MA attack, full excellency, 11sux on the attack, does enough damage to Crash)"
                                P2: "Right before it hits, I say 'I've made a terrible mistake.'"

                                -

                                (P2 missed a session and was having events recapped)
                                P1: "-and I shoved an egg into her mouth."
                                P2: "What."
                                P1: "Missing blood means missing liquid and protein. You know what is liquid and protein? Egg. Nothing but pure homespun wisdom."

                                -

                                ST: "You can tell the bandit leader and the kidnapped noble have a major intimacy for each other, and it is love."
                                P2: "....... I can't fucking believe P1 was right."


                                Discord: HalfTangible#7505
                                "+3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus." -Keld Danar on GitP Forums
                                Playing Peleps Raptor, Fire Aspect playboy in the Grand Tour

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