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  • Wise Old Guru
    started a topic The Out-of-Context Game Quotes Thread

    The Out-of-Context Game Quotes Thread

    My friends and I have taken to writing down things that get said in game, for later amusement. Out of context game quotes are often delighful, at least to me. Rules of this thread: no context. If you have to explain that you were all in the middle of storming the Mask of Winters' palace and there was a love triangle between three PCs and someone made a hilariously topical remark...I don't wanna hear it. I mean, I want to hear the remark. But not, y'know, the context. Also, it has to be something a player or a GM actually said in a game of Exalted (or typed, I guess), no one-author fiction pieces allowed. So here goes:

    1. "That's why I have the good kind of 'you never existed' magic." -PC

    2. "We need to get some pigs for this hangover cure." -PC

    3. "Why are you both carrying...meat...together." - PC

    4. "I have a magical talking crotch." -PC

    5. "He is to priests what Billy Bob Thornton is to Santas." -One of my favorite STs.

    6. "Making strange pounding and buzzing noises with his cheeks, Resplendent Beats stands on his hands and spins on his head, his orichalcum boots flashing faster and faster until they form a blazing circle, shaping the symbol of the Unconquered Sun." -Another of my favorite STs

    7. "Again?! What do you have against trees, anyway?" -PC

  • webkilla
    replied
    Originally posted by vampire hunter D View Post
    Major Alex Louis Armstrong

    the glory of high appearance social attacks

    Leave a comment:


  • vampire hunter D
    replied
    Originally posted by Noodle View Post
    "I will show them my impeccable abs. That way they'll know i can be trusted"
    Major Alex Louis Armstrong

    Leave a comment:


  • Measure of Hope
    replied
    "I may have poked a bear today ..."
    "Rey, you've been poking other bears?!"

    Leave a comment:


  • Cenrei
    replied
    "You may have taken all the sex Charms in the Performance tree, but I just took Mind-Wiping Gaze and can cock-block you in up to my Willpower worth of scenes!"

    Leave a comment:


  • Noodle
    replied
    "I will show them my impeccable abs. That way they'll know i can be trusted"

    Leave a comment:


  • BestCaseSurvival
    replied
    "Inspired by my horse's valiant deeds..." -PC

    "She's a great babysitter, she kidnapped those kids months ago and they're all still alive." -PC

    "In the universe where this game is a TV show, the fans are already shipping Third Moon of Hope and Four Thunder" -player, in the first session, of two different characters Retainers.

    Leave a comment:


  • webkilla
    replied
    "If the apostate uses the womb-sarcophagus charm and then gives all his half-cyborg offspring that self-destruct charm he can spawn suicide-bomber babies!"

    Leave a comment:


  • Bearfighter
    replied
    So long time lurker first time poster. Here are quotes from the first three session of a E3 game I am running.

    PC-"When did you pull it out?"
    ST (OCC) Rouges, morally and physically flexible since 1088.
    ST (OCC) My butt thanks you.
    Fei- Soooo what cha monkey note say?
    Sun Sage- So do you like my orichalcum condom?
    The Kabuki Master- They were so emaciated that I couldn't if there were any nubile boys there.....I was looking strictly for professional reasons.
    The Kabuki Master- Sorry the Monkey is taking a squat right now.
    Sun Sage- So we are going to walk into the gaping hole that is your life hunh?
    The Kabuki Master (occ) So he needs to get intimate with the apes nuts?
    Melis- This cant be House Cynis. Cynis is only interested in getting slaves, getting laid, and getting high. Not in that order mind you.
    Sun Sage- We would rather you smoke salmon.
    The Kabuki Master (occ) Why am I suddenly talking like Vegeta?
    ST (describing the effects of Mate Attracting Scent) He smells like vanilla, cherries and MMMM Mama wants to get her some!
    Sun Sage (occ piggy backing on the above statement) So he smells like Tres Leche...in heat?

    Leave a comment:


  • webkilla
    replied
    Ok, I got two: and strangely enough they are COMPLETELY unrelated

    "I could make a custom sub-module to allow my nutrient slurry charm to produce vaseline"



    "You should cut a hole the shape of a penis in the commander's tent"

    Leave a comment:


  • NullApostle
    replied
    PC 1: I made a sentient toilet that has anxiety issues and germophobia.
    PC 2: But, ... why?
    PC 1: Because it amuses me.

    Leave a comment:


  • Wise Old Guru
    replied
    Guess who just finished a campaign (a rare one in which I got to PC) and has a giant pile of quotes?

    Saigoth Gates Campaign Quote List:

    GM: I have learned what things fall beyond the upper limit of the party.
    Krait, OOC: Is it agreeing on something?


    GM: I am not going to allow Morris Dancing to become the universal language of Creation!

    Mazatl, OOC: Alright, I need a Limit Trigger for Teddy Roosevelt.
    Ardor, OOC: TAFT.

    Mazatl, OOC: I could also do Testicles Ox.
    West, OOC: YES. TEDDY ROOSEVELT’S EXALTED NAME IS TESTICLES OX.

    Mazatl, OOC: Hang on, I need to find testicles again.

    Shashaka, OOC: So you’re telling me you just wrote The Charge of the Dawn’s Cleansing Light Brigade.

    Mazatl, OOC: My cloak smells like chocolate and chilis and blood.

    Krait, OOC: The funny thing about Tomescu meeting Solar PCs is that they’re usually very resigned.

    Mazatl, OOC: Okay, it’s Element-Resisting Prana that I have the description as “Pfft, it’s just a volcano!”

    Krait: Cooking is just alchemy for poor people.
    West, who is a world-class chef: >.<

    West: Thorns, City of Pricks.

    GM: No, the library does not rent pack mules!

    Shashaka: If you scrunch your forehead real hard, you can make [your Eclipse caste mark] look like it’s blinking.

    Krait, OOC: Tonight’s session: Do rat-people laugh?

    Krait: If there’s danger, fart and she’ll come running.

    Krait, OOC: This is why the Usurpation happened. Chejop came home and was like “who raided my fridge?”

    Naran: I would argue that you shouldn’t’ve murdered someone if you want to be a high-class citizen.
    West: Says the Solar who’s about to murder a bunch of people.
    Naran: No, I am going to bring people to justice. With murder.

    Mazatl: Man, no one wants to let me create tactical volcanoes!

    Naran: I agree with all the sentiments, it just would have gone better if you’d told anyone the plan!

    Naran: None of my guys are cultists of Sondok.
    Ardor: That you know of.
    Naran: I KNOW I don’t. I have personally vetted all these guys. If you know what I mean.

    GM: Amateur acupuncture is just stabbing people.

    GM: He’s got a cloak made out of live hummingbirds, why can’t he have pants made out of live jaguars?!

    Krait: Teamwork! Involuntary teamwork!

    Ardor, OOC: I would like to point out that if we go around and Eclipse-oath the Bronze Faction one at a time, they will all be our friends!

    GM: Your Int + Occult is 10, right?
    West, OOC: Nope, just 9.
    Mazatl, OOC: You’re not Mnemon yet.
    West, who is secretly playing Mnemon’s grandson: …

    GM: Congratulations, you’ve let Cthulhu take a well-deserved nap.

    Krait, OOC: You have a smooth, jazzy, explosive volcano.

    Ardor: I’m sure you’re used to hearing this, but I hate it when you’re right.
    Naran: It never really gets old, though.

    GM: Eh, it’s more like she’s a demon entrepreneur.

    West: Summoning a Marrote to help wouldn’t be a bad idea.
    Krait: They’re very handy.

    Ardor, OOC: It smells good! Why not put it in your mouth??

    GM: The dragon flies over and lovingly caresses the stamp set.

    Krait, OOC: I want you to picture this: You’re a mile up, there’s a giant statue, and its crotch is on fire. There should be a moment of hilarity and religious awe.

    West: Once we get a cow, then we can sleep.

    Mazatl: Don’t mind me, I’m just devouring your legs.

    Maztl: I’m not sure why I expected subtlety from a giant mountain carved into a human shape.

    Mazatl, OOC: He’s more got a greenmaw hula hoop.

    Krait: Do you have money? I need to you buy me some health levels.

    Krait: It’s a Chiaroscuran glass sword, passed down your family for generations!
    Naran, very causally: No, I bought it.

    Krait, OOC: The mortals’ perfect defense is fun and my leg would be a pretty solid ingredient in something later.

    Mazatl, OOC: That is a really destructive plate of pancakes.

    West: I’m not stealing anything; I’m just breaking in and studying!

    GM: The tumbleweeds travel in packs.

    Naran, OOC: Thanks to the Koolaid comment, I’m basically picturing your Resounding Songbird Cry as “Oh yeah!”

    Shashaka: Swimming is very easy, you jump in the water and kick your legs.
    Mazatl: I’ve seen people do that; it’s called drowning.

    Krait, OOC: What’s the Lore roll to make [the GM] attempt a terrible Jamaican accent?

    Krait, OOC: Extras don’t get cuddles!

    GM: Morris dancing is not the ur-dance from which all other dances descend!

    GM: MOVING ON FROM THE GODDAMN MORRIS DANCING

    Mazatl: We go past these things, possibly selling hats to elementals.

    Krait: Anything called “Typhoon”, it’s reasonable to not want to have to deal with his sex drive.

    Naran: It doesn’t matter if this is the plan, I want to learn the [Neomah sexy shapeshifting] charm!

    Shashaka: Does it really count as saving the world if we don’t pimp out the Eclipse to achieve it?

    Krait: I’m literally intending on creating life in a lab and achieving immortality, and [what you said] sounds like quite a bit of hubris.

    Naran: Plan B! Plan B is conquer the Realm!

    West: Non-Euclidean gonorrhea.

    Krait: I really want to know how they’re made.
    West: Y'see, when ten men and one woman love each other very much…

    Ardor: We don’t really have plans, we have arguments.

    Krait, OOC: You’re like the Energizer Bunny with swords!

    GM: You can take, eh, 10 XP.
    West, OOC: We get more for trauma?
    GM: The usual 8 plus 1 per limb lost.

    Naran: *when Shashaka was the only one not here, who had just lost two limbs* We’re now missing half a character.

    West: I don’t mean to sound indelicate, but why do you have all your limbs?

    Krait: Am I really going to let you guys go on a pub crawl with the Eye of Autochthon?

    West, OOC: *Wolverine voice* Smells like avoidance and lasers.

    Mazatl: Why are you so discriminatory against idiots??

    West: Do not make a tidal wave out of the cursed fog!
    Naran: Do not make a tidal wave out of water we’re in!

    Ardor: I’m going to reap these golems.
    Mazatl, OOC: In the whitest way possible.

    West, OOC: We haven’t really been fighting battlegroups.
    Ardor, OOC: We were in a war!
    West, OOC: Well, I wasn’t fighting battlegroups.

    GM: It’s a being not capable of sexual attraction.
    Naran: I can fix that!
    Krait: Not ethically.

    Krait, OOC: Not all hivemeinds are assimilationist.
    West, OOC: #notallhiveminds

    Krait, OOC: Just invite Naran with you and make it a sexboat. It’s the safest course of action.

    Krait, OOC: He’s making that “how many dice to I have to swords” face.

    Krait, OOC: I have Truth Rendering Gaze, but I’m not using it on my sandwich.

    Ardor, OOC: This is obviously bad and wrong, but Ardor also don’t like babies.
    Naran, OOC: Does that mean you take a defiant bite of baby??

    Krait: Do you have any idea how much effort I’ve put into having this ship full of attractive people fucking each other from not being full of babies??
    Naran: Nature finds a way!

    GM: She is not above just grabbing a lizard, chaining it there, and making it learn math.

    West: What did you plan to do with it now that it’s 200 feet long?!
    Krait: You know, I hadn’t really planned farther ahead.

    Mazatl: I figure if something vast and ancient is aware of me, I should give it my salespitch.

    Mazalt: I wish metaphor wasn’t quite so literal.

    GM: Nick, you oppressed native cultures, that’s good for Zenith XP.

    Mazatl, OOC, describing himself: A piñata full of tiny, glittery death!

    Naran: We’re not leaving the fortress there because of your petty concerns with colonialism!

    Krait: At least let me [heal] with other measures.
    Mazatl: What other measures?
    Krait: Bandages.
    Naran, imitating Krait: “Made out of my own skin!”

    GM: You might live without your heart but the ramifications of that will be unpleasant.

    GM: It was tactical lovemaking.

    Mazatl, OOC: We have a robot with possibly a defining intimacy of “being a dick to solars”
    Naran, OOC: That’s not the worst robot we’ve had.

    Naran, OOC: You are stealth vaccinating the child.

    Naran, OOC: Step one: Invent remote-controlled mind-control underwear.

    Naran: If I’m going to kill someone to take their stuff, I’m not going to do it in a way that makes me feel better.

    West, OOC: I’m inventing a new royal title: the Unicorn.
    Shashaka, OOC: Unikhan!

    Mazatl, OOC, imitating besieged Realm garrison: “I’m pretty sure they didn’t have all those catapaults yesterday!”
    West, OOC, imitating besieged Realm garrison : “And they’re all so jaunty!”
    GM: Do you have a craft specialty in jaunty??
    West, OOC: No, but I have an intimacy towards it.

    Naran: Give me a couple days can I can set up a stable government.

    Mazatl: I will totally ride a moose behemoth into battle if we find a moose behemoth.

    Krait: I need to find a giant mountain and carve the laws into them. With a giant laser. Because that’s how you deliver edicts when you have a fear of public speaking.

    West: We’re bringing Sextis back.

    Krait: I’m not trying to upstage anyone, but my ass is magic.

    West, OOC: And Ardor doesn’t give a shit about West.
    Ardor, OOC: That’s not true! She gives very conflicted shits!

    Shashaka: Hm, if he’s not going to be living very long…
    Krait: You’re right, he would make an excellent ingredient.

    Mazatl: That was my favourite fucking arm!

    Naran: On the other hand, I awfully like having my own arms.

    GM: Death Ray means never having to say you’re sorry?

    GM: You head to the deep South…
    West, OOC: *dueling banjos*

    Krait: You'e telling me five Twilights spent a hundred years on this ship and none of them tried to fuck it? That Dawn caste must have been terrifying!

    Mazatl: Just keep in mind, “Responsible Dad” is also a proponent of human sacrifice.

    Krait, OOC: I have Brawl 5; I teach Dragon Kings to read!

    Naran: Naran is doing the reasonable thing and murdering the darkness while he can see it

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  • webkilla
    replied
    Originally posted by Sith_Happens View Post

    Not only out of gay sex, sure... Personally I’d recommend alloying it with red jade to create the ultimate flaming sword.
    Yes. Very much so

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  • Measure of Hope
    replied
    I know someone who you should have been.

    Leave a comment:


  • Sith_Happens
    replied
    Originally posted by Gryphon's Feather View Post
    Inkstained Pelts' Player - I'm... reasonably sure that you can't make a daiklave out of gay sex.
    Not only out of gay sex, sure... Personally I’d recommend alloying it with red jade to create the ultimate flaming sword.

    Leave a comment:

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