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The Out-of-Context Game Quotes Thread

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  • Wise Old Guru
    started a topic The Out-of-Context Game Quotes Thread

    The Out-of-Context Game Quotes Thread

    My friends and I have taken to writing down things that get said in game, for later amusement. Out of context game quotes are often delighful, at least to me. Rules of this thread: no context. If you have to explain that you were all in the middle of storming the Mask of Winters' palace and there was a love triangle between three PCs and someone made a hilariously topical remark...I don't wanna hear it. I mean, I want to hear the remark. But not, y'know, the context. Also, it has to be something a player or a GM actually said in a game of Exalted (or typed, I guess), no one-author fiction pieces allowed. So here goes:

    1. "That's why I have the good kind of 'you never existed' magic." -PC

    2. "We need to get some pigs for this hangover cure." -PC

    3. "Why are you both carrying...meat...together." - PC

    4. "I have a magical talking crotch." -PC

    5. "He is to priests what Billy Bob Thornton is to Santas." -One of my favorite STs.

    6. "Making strange pounding and buzzing noises with his cheeks, Resplendent Beats stands on his hands and spins on his head, his orichalcum boots flashing faster and faster until they form a blazing circle, shaping the symbol of the Unconquered Sun." -Another of my favorite STs

    7. "Again?! What do you have against trees, anyway?" -PC

  • HalfTangible
    "... I throw the lit match at the baby and jump out the window."
    "His mother is a dragon-blooded fire aspect and right next to him, he's fiiiine."

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  • webkilla
    p1: "What do mean? We're totally lawful good... zombies don't count - we're basically paladins"

    ST: "You have lent him your dice-roll magic"

    ST: "You shouldn't have given away your dice magic - now your rolls suck"

    p2: "So.... he found pocket creatures.... or like... a pocket monster?"
    ST: "essentially, yes"
    p2: "Can I put it in my pocket?"

    p2: "You need to channel your inner golden dwarf!"

    p3: "undead-oregami is lawful good"

    p4: "We hope that's zombie moaning"
    ST: "It's not that kind of moaning..."

    p2: "Its easier when you can just bash stuff in the head so they go away"

    p2: "It doesn't sound that safe to parry lightning with a frisbee"

    p3; "The jazz music stops"

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  • webkilla
    p1: "have we planned how to take over the world?"
    p2: "You have to give a lot of ghosts a lot of blowies"
    p1: "Right, I'll get right on it"

    p1: "zombies are just people who took too many drugs"

    p3: "That sounds like a great plan. We need to fuck with it so it becomes a terrible plan"
    p1: "ya, that sounds too much like a good plan"

    ST: " an animated golem"
    p2: "Weeb"
    ST: "wut?"
    p2: "You said anime"

    p2: "we all know he's delicate flower who can't do any hard labor"
    p1: "guilty as charged"

    p2: "Just because his penis is called cake, doesn't mean that I want cake"

    p2: "Time to bite the other one! Omnomnom"

    p1: "Sometimes I think we're chaotic evil... then I realise that of course we are"
    p4: "speak for yourself..."
    p1: "Right, we're totally lawful good"

    P1: "I notice the thing and I will quickly move to molest [P4's character]"

    p2: "we are not looking for trouble - we are trouble"

    Leave a comment:

  • Dietaku
    “They're jeopardizing the salami economy! They might be forced to use kielbasa! “

    “Cold-cut economics is a cold, hard science, after all.”
    “Albin is, I assume, a realfleisch economist? No soy here?”
    “Soy is akin to money laundering, except nothing is being washed here “

    “You guys each carry 50 pounds of Karendeer meat.”
    “Best part about Karendeer? It's already salty! “
    “And if we attack it in the wild, it's a-ssaulted! “

    “Should we really trust this man to lead an army?”
    “He gets results. Who else? “
    “What about Rakis?”
    “You trust Rakis with ANY level of authority?”
    “Can you stop to think about that again?”
    “... Yeah, you're right. I trust Rakis with authority as far as I can throw Wormsworth. Right. So we're in agreement then.”

    “How do I know you're not beastmen sympathizers?!”
    “I've literally never sympathized with anything in my life.”
    “Yeah, I believe that...”

    “... “Alas, I have fallen ill and the only cure is to lie in the arms of a beautiful maiden!” It seems our friend has come down with a case of the bullshitting. Great.”

    “Friendship! As Scarlet said: you cannot consent to friendship! It just happens! Friendship is Magic~!”

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  • webkilla
    and we're back in action:

    ST: "So, do you guys remember what happened last session?"
    p1: "I was a lumberjack and I was ok"

    p1: "Does it ask if have any corn?"

    p2: "So I can ask it for sex?"
    st: "I'm not surprised that you say that... only... disappointed"

    p1: "We're all smart - we all have int 3 at least... we just don't act it"

    p1: "This means we'll have to cancel taco tuesday"

    st: "wait, you're actually going to behave nicely?"
    p3: "no"

    p4: "Can I tell him not to be a dum-dum?"

    ST: "You unfold the scroll and an arm of paper reaches out of it and slaps you across the face"

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  • Sith_Happens
    "Lost Egg. You know how they are, 13 dots of merits and nothing to spend it on except artifacts. So they end up tripping into the local forgotten First Age armory. It's the only explanation. Happens all the time."

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  • webkilla
    p1: "Are we the baddies?
    p2: "At this point, obviously"
    p3: "we've been bad people for a while - come no"
    p4: "hold on - wen're not really people... so we can't be bad people"

    st: "Come on, what are you going to do? Give it to him, let [p2's character] eat it, what?"
    p2: "Ok I think we've done that joke enough now"

    p1: "We have no integrity, i know"

    p3: "The problem is that I can't see a problem with this"

    ST: "Three words: Plunger based kung-fu"
    p1: "Your mother is not a plunger"

    p4: "we need it for guns"
    p1 "and sex toys"

    p2: "Hit him with the paper"

    p2: "Do it normally? Are you ill or something?"

    p1: "I've always wanted to pee down someone's throat"

    p4: "Yes, i can get 9sucs without even rolling dice"
    ST: *groans*

    p2: "I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok..."

    p4: "If we annoy the sorceress, she'll give us sand"

    p1: "Spray it with slurry!"

    p1: "Oh gods its next level pocket sand: we can make a sand tornado!"

    p2: "We need to build a sandbox. It's part one of my master plan to attrack catgirls"

    p3: "I don't know what you're planning, but it frightens me"
    Last edited by webkilla; 01-28-2020, 03:51 PM. Reason: typo

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  • Sith_Happens
    “The dog does not react to scritches, perhaps because it is a giant crocodile in disguise.”

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  • Sith_Happens
    “Yes I have a soak.”
    “A singular soak?”

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  • Kell_Tamer
    “Death will fetch itself a margarita.”

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  • webkilla
    here we go again

    ST: "Right, that's a sup-par roll - you only had two 10s"

    p1: "Don't throw me 30 yards, that sounds like it would hurt"

    ST: "I can't see how you have time to make a sentient trebuchet"

    p2: "I grab P2's character and run over to whack P3's cahracter with him"

    st: "Go with the assumption that your enemy is not brain-damaged or team rocket"
    p3: "You're confusing me"

    ST: "So... you want to challenge your attacker to a game of beyblade?"
    p2: "Let it rip"

    Leave a comment:

  • webkilla
    and we're at it again:

    p1: "I worm my way into the sand, so I get sand in my butt-crack"

    ST: "Why do i even ask you to roll dice? You never get less than three 10s, even rolls with only two dice..."

    three minutes later

    ST: "Once more, yadda yadda, you don't need to roll dice anymore"

    later yet

    ST: "Just.... just stop. stop dice. No more.. please"

    p1: "I can't do the thing to make the loud noise, so I'll just shout 'YEET' while I run away with the most annoying high pitch voice I can make"

    p1: "I know its a dif1 roll, but I'm stunting it anyway

    st: *sigh* "Are you going to make the stunt lewd?"

    p1: "Of course"

    p2: "Do you want to survive this, or are you going all in?"

    p1: "Ok ok - I'll just stick it into his butt.... cheek - but if it botches it'll go right up his butt"

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  • TheCountAlucard
    [rolling a bunch of dice]
    SO MANY 1s!

    Knight Raiton: "Perhaps check the kitchen for signs of... horsenappers?"

    Knight Raiton: ​"He wore a mask that screamed when he threw it into the fire."
    Lyse: ​"Well that's pleasant."
    Knight Raiton: "He also killed a guy in such a way that even IHP thought IHP might have done it."

    ​ST: Trying to keep track of what each character knows is hard.

    ST: The knives form a smiley face that's of noticeably better quality than Princess could possibly produce by drawing one, which surprises nobody.

    Knight Raiton: By the way, if this all turns out to be a ruse by IHP to get us outside to play in her kickball game, I'm gonna use Knockout Blow on her.
    IHP: ...she would, wouldn't she?

    Kithri: "The atrocities cannot be allowed to continue. You've only seen a glimpse of what they are capable. I will not make peace with Evil."
    ​Knight Raiton: "Did I say 'peace'? Have I not fought by your side before, Kithri? Surely you know my ways by now."

    Lyse: "So, someone broke into Princess' house, and there is excessive blood and gore everywhere. You can either have me guide you, or you can do as you wish."
    Ulmet: "I... I understand, but we're going to a war... I should probably see this."
    Knight Raiton: [kneels next to the little girl] “Would you like to wear my mask? I’m never scared when I wear the mask.”
    ​IHP: [rolls eyes] Fucking superheroes.
    Robin: Awww
    IHP: I'll bet it's just a publicity stunt. He probably has Avery taking pictures for the propaganda posters.
    Ulmet: "If you think it will help, Mr. Raiton."
    Robin: I hope he has some undermask... mask.
    Knight Raiton: [passes down the mask - underneath is a dark gray bandanna with eyeholes cut out]
    IHP: Where's that gif of Kakashi...
    Last edited by TheCountAlucard; 01-14-2020, 01:02 AM.

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  • Dietaku
    "Do I know you? You look familiar somehow."
    "That depends on which one-eyed bit of him you were looking at."

    "These librarians drive a hard bargain."
    "That's not all they drive that's hard."

    "Roll to carry the barrel."
    "My big bro used to carry three of those at a time over his arm. Just sayin'."
    "Ah, that's what I like! A man who can carry his liquor!"

    "How have you been?!"
    "Alive, despite Zatch's best efforts."
    "He does try!"
    "Oh, as God, does he try."

    "Great at ruining a grand ol' time is what you are!"

    "His penmenship and detail are flawless. No flubs. No 'bhredded cheese'."
    "Obviously it's supposed to read 'well-bred cheese'. Cheese husbandry is complex and dangerous."
    "Oh God."

    "Congrats, you sealed the contract with the town and the behemoth. But, hey, that's basically Exalted.txt."

    "What did the Realm do for us anyway?!"
    "The Realm got us a work license... that got my family slaughtered."
    "Do you need a hug, Doran?"
    "When does Doran NOT need a hug?"

    "Wait, are you talking about making a communist sausage party?"
    "No! We are not seizing the means of salami production!"

    "Would that mean you have your salami in a box?"
    "I have attended stranger get-togethers."
    "She admits to attending sausage parties?"
    "Well, when I was younger..."
    "Sounds like a bizarre sorority hazing."

    Leave a comment: