Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Lore of the Bloodlines backer PDF errata thread

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #16
    Below and following are my errata, which I put together after reviewing the revised Onyx Path style guide (REVISED you guys! Whoop whoop!)...

    p 3, top of first column, shouldn’t the heading ‘The Find 9’ be left justified and bold to match the framing fiction headings of the rest of the chapters?
    p 3, top of middle column, ‘Combo Disciplines 16’ should be ‘Combination Disciplines’ to match V20 Lore of the Clans
    p 3, middle column, ‘Alternate Daimoinon Disciplines 17’ should be ‘Alternate Daimoinon Powers’ as we use the term ‘power’ rather than ‘Discipline’ to refer to these in Vampire: The Masquerade
    p 3, third column, ‘Combinations Powers 26’ should be ‘Combination Disciplines’ the match V20 Lore of the Clans
    p 3, third column, is ‘Most Pit (Melpominee [5 dots])’ correct? That isn’t, strictly speaking, an ‘elder power’ which leads me to think it ought to be [6 dots] maybe?
    p 3, third column, again, is ‘Primal Scream (Melpominee [5 dots])’ correct? Possibly up it to [6 dots]
    p 5, bottom of third column, ‘Combination Powers 100’ should be ‘Combination Disciplines’ to match V20 Lore or the Clans
    p 12, last para of first column, ‘willing to serve before taking they own taste’ should be ‘their own taste’
    p 13, third para of first column, ‘we like to some of our apples are rotten as possible’ should be ‘our apples as rotten as possible’
    p 15, second full para of first column, ‘why not make your final days a conflagration’ would be better as ‘final nights’
    p 16, last para of first column, ‘The Baali knows their place’ should be – I believe – ‘her place’ (but see note following)
    …same, ‘where they stand against’ should be ‘where she stands against’
    …same, ‘or those of their own bloodline’ should be ‘of her own bloodline’
    p 16, last para of first column, ‘They also know’ should be ‘She also knows’
    p 16, last para of first column, ‘They appear apathetic’ should be ‘She appears apathetic’
    …same, ‘world around them’ should be ‘world around her’
    p 16, first para of second column, ‘they are simply resigned to their fate’ should be ‘she is simply resigned to her fate’
    …same, ‘to get them to stray from their path’ should be ‘to get her to stray from her path’
    p 16, first para of second column, ‘Social rolls against them’ should be ‘against her’
    NOTE: This paragraph is hard to parse because the ‘singular they’ here may always refer to a single Baali with this Merit OR to the Baali bloodline as a whole; my take that it’s entirely the former may not be correct, but it would simplify my understanding…
    p 16, heading at bottom of second column ‘Combo Disciplines’ should be ‘Combination Disciplines’ to match V20 Lore of the Clans
    p 17, first row of chart, ‘the childer writhes’ should be singular ‘childe’
    p 17, second row of chart, ‘the childer will forever appear’ should be singular ‘childe’
    p 17, third row of chart, ‘the childer’s soul’ should be singular ‘childe’
    p 17, fourth row of chart, ‘The childer is so overcome’ should be singular ‘childe’
    …same, ’10 – childer’s Stamina’ should be singular and possessive ‘childe’s’
    p 17, sixth row of chart, ‘but the childer’s body’ should be singular and possessive ‘childe’s’
    ...same, ‘The childer receive’ should be singular ‘childe receives’
    p 17, first para of first column, ‘Daimoinon Disciplines’ should be ‘Daimoinon owers’
    p 17, first para of first column, ‘without ever seeing them again’ should be changed since the antecedent is EITHER the ‘someone’ or ‘a Baali’ and it really does change the meaning if it’s one or the other… and NOT in a good, ambiguous way!
    p 17, second para of first column, ‘With this combo Discipline’ would be better as ‘With this power’
    p 17, second para of first column, ‘drawn to them just as if they were’ should be ‘to him as if he were’ BOTH to clear up messy antecedents AND to match the pronoun in the following paragraph
    p 17, second para of first column, ‘a single member of their swarm’ should be ‘of his swarm’ as above AND because it says ‘send them’ to refer to the swarm later in the same sentence
    p 17, heading at top of second column, ‘Alternate Daimoinon Disciplines’ should be ‘Daimoinon Powers’
    p 17, first para of second column, ‘wants to leave their’ should be ‘leave her’ to avoid confusion later in this passage between the would-be Baali and current Baali (who is later referred to ‘his’)
    p 17, first para of second column, ‘blood-tied clan’ should be capital ‘Clan’
    p 17, second para of second column, ‘When The Re-Embrace’ should be changed to lower case article ‘the Re-Embrace’ to match Onyx Path Style Guide
    p 17, second para of second column, ‘the sire takes their would-be’ should be ‘takes his’
    …same, ‘and bleeds them’ should be ‘bleeds her’ to avoid confusion
    p 17, second para of second column, ‘would-be childer’ should be singular ‘childe’
    p 17, second para of second column, ‘dictates their current state’ should be ‘her current state’ as it applies to the would-be childe
    p 17, second para of second column, ‘surrounding the childer’ should be singular ‘childe’
    p 17, second para of second column, ‘ever closer to their final death’ should be ‘her’
    p 17, second para of second column, ‘to their final death’ should be capital ‘Final Death’
    p 17, second para of second column, ‘with the childer’s soul’ should be singular ‘childe’
    p 17, second para of second column, ‘draw their spirit’ should be ‘her spirit’
    p 17, third para of second column, ‘the childer may just make it’ should be singular ‘childe’
    p 17, third para of second column, ‘entering the childer’s mouth’ should be singular possessive ‘childe’s’
    p 17, third para of second column, ‘merging with their new’ should be ‘with her new’
    p 17, third para of second column, ‘When they awake’ should be ‘she awakes’
    …same, ‘they are now’ should be ‘she is now’
    p 17, last para of second column, ‘If the childer is’ should be singular ‘childe’
    p 17, last para of second column, ‘they receive’ should be ‘she receives’
    …same, ‘as their soul’ should be ‘her soul’
    p 22, second para of second column, ‘if one day you disappear’ would be better as ‘one night’
    p 23, third para of first column, ‘lost on the moors batshit crazy’ would be better as ‘lost-on-the-moors batshit crazy’
    p 23, last para of second column, ‘count our numbers one day’ would be better as ‘one night’
    p 26, last para of first column, ‘driving you towards madness’ should be ‘toward’
    p 26, last para of first column, ‘gain a derangement’ should be capital ‘Derangement’
    p 26, last para of first column, ‘derangement which you can never’ should be ‘that you can never’
    p 26, last para of first column, ‘other derangements’ should be capital ‘Derangements’
    p 26, last para of first column, ‘permanent derangements’ should be capital ‘Derangements’
    p 26, heading at top of second column ‘Combination Powers’ should be ‘Combination Disciplines’ to match V20 Lore of the Clans
    p 26, fourth para of second column, ‘1 non-lethal would level’ is… odd wording; do you mean ‘unsoakable’ or ‘bashing’ here?
    p 26, fifth para of second column, ‘can dull their senses’ should be ‘her senses’ to match the next sentence
    p 27, Mosh Pit (Melpominee [5 dots]) isn’t REALLY an ‘Elder’ power… should it be [6 dots] instead?
    p 27, third para of first column, ‘lose themselves to their most violent urges’ would be better as ‘lose himself to his… urges’ as the power – by default – targets only one
    p 27, fourth para of first column, ‘powers might allow the Daughter to effect multiple targets’ kinda describes EXACTLY what Melpominee [5 dots] power does…
    p 27, Primal Scream (Melpominee [5 dots]) isn’t quite an ‘Elder’ power, either… maybe should be [6 dots]?


    B.I.G. Bird spreads the word: Anybody with a heart votes love

    Comment


    • #17
      p 27, sixth para of first column, ‘Mosh Pit (Melpominee [5 dots])’ should be changed to ‘(Melpominee [6 dots]) if the above changes are made…
      p 27, last para of first column, ‘picks a derangement’ should be capital ‘Derangement’
      p 27, first para of second column, ‘effects of the derangement’ should be capital ‘Derangement’
      p 27, first para of second column, ‘the derangement does not’ should be capital ‘Derangement’
      p 27, second para of second column, ‘drawn towards’ should be ‘toward’
      p 27, last para of second column, ‘still drawn towards’ should be ‘toward’
      p 31, first para of first column, ‘as her Childer’ should be lower case ‘childer’
      p 31, first para of first column, ‘forbidden to this day’ should be ‘this night’
      p 31, first para of second column, ‘creating Gargoyles these days’ would be better as ‘these nights’
      p 31, second para of second column, ‘that the discipline was’ should be capital ‘Discipline’
      p 31, second para of second column, ‘development of the discipline’ should be capital ‘Discipline’
      p 31, second para of second column, ‘who possesses the discipline’ should be capital ‘Discipline’
      p 31, second para of second column, ‘the outsider the discipline’ should be capital ‘Discipline’
      p 32, second para of first column, ‘when a mix of Tremere and Ventrue Kindred’ is odd wording here ONLY because of the alchemical nature of this whole chapter making it sound like mixing blood or something… might be better as ‘when a mixed coterie of…’ or something?
      p 33, second para of first column, ‘Kindred choose their Childer’ should be lower case ‘childer’
      p 34, fourth para of first column, ‘Today, having a Gargoyle’ would be better as ‘Tonight’
      p 34, third para of second column, ‘Tremere antitribu have contact’ should be italic ‘antitribu
      p 34, third para second column, ‘Tremere antitribu than the other’ should be italic ‘antitribu
      p 35, first para of first column, ‘made to do; destroy’ should have a colon and read ‘to do: destroy’
      p 35, last para of first column, ‘clean up the mess afterwards’ should be ‘afterward’
      p 35, second para of second column, ‘This combination allows’ would be better as ‘this power’
      p 35, second para of second column, ‘carry bigger amounts’ should be ‘greater amounts’
      p 35, third para of second column, ‘This combination allows’ would be better (again) as ‘this power’
      p 35, third para of second column, ‘(V20, p. 448)’ should be bold V20
      p 35, last para of second column, ‘make their body’ should be ‘her body’ (see note following for more)
      …same, ‘as they fall’ should be ‘she falls’
      p 35, last para of second column, ‘they subtract’ should be ‘she subtracts’
      …same, ‘of their next’ should be ‘her next’
      …same, ‘target below them’ should be ‘below her’
      p 35, last para of second column, ‘roll as their next’ should be ‘as her next’
      …same, ‘or they lose’ should be ‘she loses’
      NOTE: This is ONLY because the term ‘target’ is used in this paragraph to mark a possible second individual, and the ‘singular they’ confuses the two when the page changes…
      p 36, third para of first column, ‘(V20, p. 476)’ should be bold V20
      p 36, fourth para of first column, ‘It also gains’ should be changed to ‘They also gain’ to match the rest of the paragraph
      p 36, last full para of first column, ‘They may spend’ should be ‘She may’ to match the rest of the paragraph
      p 36, last (partial) para of first column, ‘The split between them’ should be ‘divides among them’ as it is three distinct groups discussed here…
      p 36, first para of second column, ‘listed in V20’ should be bold V20
      p 37, fourth para of first column, ‘They perfected’ is a pronoun with no antecedent; better as ‘The Tremere perfected’
      p 37, fourth para of first column, ‘(V20, p. 55)’ should be bold V20
      …same, ‘(V20, p. 71)’ should be bold V20
      p 37, last para of first column, ‘(V20, p. 239) should be bold V20
      p 37, second para of second column, ‘in this matter’ should be ‘this manner’
      p 37, second para of second column, ‘spend at least one blood to activate’ should be ‘blood point’
      p 37, last para of second column, ‘The wing hardens’ should be ‘wings harden’
      …same, ‘and it is able’ should be ‘are able’
      …same, ‘inside its space’ should be ‘their space’
      p 41, first para of first column, ‘and honed disciplines’ should be capital ‘Disciplines’
      p 46, sixth para of first column, ‘permanently scored of flesh’ should likely be ‘scoured of flesh’
      p 48, first para of second column, ‘(V20, p. 135)’ should be bold V20
      p 49, second para of first column, ‘(V20, p. 209)’ should be bold V20
      p 49, first para of second column, ‘(V20, p. 169)’ should be bold V20
      p 49, third para of second column, ‘(V20, p. 177)’ should be bold V20
      p 54, last para of first column through first para of second column, italics should end AFTER ‘ritae’ (but continues until the emdash)


      B.I.G. Bird spreads the word: Anybody with a heart votes love

      Comment


      • #18
        p 55, last para of second column through p 56 first para of first column, italics should end AFTER ‘other’ (but continues until the emdash)
        p 56, fifth para of first column, ‘of bloodlines and antitribu’ should be italic ‘antitribu
        p 57, last full para of first column, ‘Ravnos and their antitribu’ should be italic ‘antitribu
        p 58, third para of first column, ‘debauched Toreador antitribu’ should be italic ‘antitribu
        p 60, in sidebar ‘The Necromancy Lie’ text, ‘(V20, p. 492)’ should be bold V20
        p 60, third para of second column, ‘(V20, p. 73)’ should be bold V20
        p 61, first para of first column, ‘effecting concentration’ should be ‘affecting’
        p 61, last para of first column, ‘(V20, p. 455)’ should be bold V20
        p 66, first para of first column, ‘appetite for flesh instead of blood’ is not correct… better ‘for flesh and for blood’ or something like?
        p 66, third para of first column, ‘as they got better as killing us’ should be ‘better at killing us’
        p 66, fourth para of first column, ‘the idea makes me nauseous’ should be ‘nauseates me’ as a Nagaraja is likely to inspire nausea (what ‘nauseous’ means) just by dint of the Embrace…
        p 66, third para of second column, ‘to embrace the beast’ could be better as ‘embrace the Beast’ maybe?
        p 70, first para of first column, ‘you need to embrace first and then espouse’ should be capital ‘Embrace’
        p 70, last full para of second column, ‘every person they kill’ should be ‘she kills’ the match the rest of the paragraph
        p 70, last full para of second column, ‘if they survive’ should be ‘she survives’ the match the rest of the paragraph
        p 70, heading at the bottom of the second column, ‘Combo Disciplines’ should be ‘Combination Disciplines’ to match V20 Lore of the Clans
        p 71, second row of chart, ‘difficulty of their next check’ should be ‘of his next check’ (see note following)
        p 71, third row of chart, ‘shoves target’s soul of their body’ should be ‘her body’
        …same, ‘from their corporeal form’ should be ‘her corporeal form’
        …same, ‘by the time they return to their body’ should be ‘she returns to her body’
        p 71, fourth row of chart, ‘stripped from their body’ should be ‘her body’
        …same, ‘to their next dice pool’ should be ‘her next’
        p 71, fifth row of chart, ‘ripped from their physical form and fly’ should be ‘from her… and flies’
        …same, ‘they gain 6 blood points’ should be ‘he gains’ as it is the Nagaraja here
        p 71, sixth row of chart, ‘they now gain’ should be ‘he now gains’
        NOTE: At one point BOTH the Nagaraja AND the target use that ‘first person they’ pronoun, but the vampire is ‘him’ in row five, making this chart is messy in terms of knowing who’s doing what to whom
        p 71, first full para of second column, ‘unless they speak, attack, or draw undue attention’ should be ‘he speaks, attacks, or draws…’
        p 71, first full para of second column, ‘success on their activation check’ should be ‘on his’
        …same, ‘before their invisibility is lifted’ should be ‘his invisibility’
        p 71, first full para of second column, ‘makes this Discipline’ should be ‘this power’
        p 75, second para of first column, ‘set upon: keep the kine’ should be capital ‘Keep’ after the colon
        p 76, first para in sidebar ‘The Third Eye’ of first column, line should read (with period INSIDE quotation mark): “the Danish Malkavian.”
        p 76, first para in sidebar, ‘the latter clan’ should be capital ‘Clan’
        p 77, last full para of first column, ‘first Salubri antitribu’ should be italic ‘antitribu
        p 77, last (partial) para of first column, ‘during the Victoria’s reign’ is, um… not quite right wording? ‘Victoria’s reign’ is fine
        p 77, second para of second column, ‘humanity is strong: these are where…’ should actually be a comma rather than colon, I think…
        p 77, third para of second column, ‘except for a resurgent antitribu’ should be italic ‘antitribu
        p 77, fourth para of second column, ‘Saulot’s example: be a light’ should be capital ‘Be’ after the colon
        p 78, fifth para of first column, ‘First thing’s first: there are’ should be capital ‘There’ after colon
        p 78, fifth para of first column, ‘not counting antitribu’ should be italic ‘antitribu
        p 78, fifth para of first column, ‘to the rest of the Clan: they draw a great deal of attention’ should have a semicolon between ‘Clan’ and ‘they’ I believe…
        p 78, sixth para of first column, ‘besides Shakespeare: when the Tremere hunts’ should be capital ‘When’ after the colon
        p 78, end of second para of second column, period should be INSIDE quotation marks for “and unwise Scholar.”
        p 79, first para of first column, ‘experiment in antitribu was a failure’ should be italic ‘antitribu
        p 79, third para of first column, ‘tell the tale: a Sabbat’ should be capital ‘A’ after the colon
        p 79, fourth para of first column, ‘None of the antitribu’ should be italic ‘antitribu
        p 79, fourth para of first column, ‘same question I do: shouldn’t a true Warrior’ should have capital ‘Shouldn’t’ after the colon
        p 79, first para of second column, ‘until Salubri antitribu’ should be italic ‘antitribu


        B.I.G. Bird spreads the word: Anybody with a heart votes love

        Comment


        • #19
          p 79, second para of second column, ‘our antitribu show’ should be italic ‘antitribu
          p 80, first para of first column, ‘things happened: an car’ should be ‘a car’
          p 80, first para of first column, ‘and the prince’ should be capital ‘Prince’
          p 80, third para of second column, ‘powers of the antitribu’ should be italic ‘antitribu
          p 80, third para of second column, ‘The antitribu might have’ should be italic ‘antitribu
          p 81, third para of first column, ‘(V20, p. 469)’ should be bold V20
          p 81, second para of second column (below the sidebar), ‘taxes her duties towards humanity’ should be ‘toward’
          p 81, second para of second column (below the sidebar), ‘(V20, p. 469)’ should be bold V20
          p 85, last full para of first column, ‘to make thing easier for ourselves’ should be ‘things’
          p 86, second para of first column, ‘still exists to this day’ might be better as ‘this night’
          p 86, first para of second column, ‘became fiefs rules openly’ should be ‘ruled openly’
          p 87, third para of first column, ‘but important: we look like’ should be capital ‘We’ after the colon
          p 87, third para of second column, ‘a few of us have gathered as in influential presence’ should be ‘as an influential presence’ I think…
          p 90, last para of first column, ‘break off a small piece of their body’ should be ‘her body’ (see note following)
          p 90, last para of first column, ‘he or she adds’ should be ‘he adds’
          p 90, last para of first column, ‘they temporarily lose one dot’ should be ‘he temporarily loses’
          …same, ‘as their appearance becomes’ should be ‘his appearance’
          p 90, first para of second column, ‘they become violently ill’ should be ‘he becomes’
          …same, ‘contents of their stomach’ should be ‘of his stomach’
          NOTE: Again, you cannot use the ‘singular they’ when you have two or more subjects like ‘the vampire’ and ‘the target’
          p 95, second para of first column, ‘may have been embraced’ should be capital ‘Embraced’
          p 96, second para of first column, ‘wary of trusting to our own kind’ should just be ‘trusting our own kind’
          p 96, end of second para of second column, ‘legend amongst the young’ should be ‘among’ ONLY because it fits the narrator’s style rather than any Onyx Path style…
          p 96, last full para of second column, ‘The reasoning is simple; to be part of vampire society’ should have a colon and read ‘simple: to be part’
          p 97, first para of first column, ‘remove the Tal’Mahe’Ra one day’ should read ‘one night’
          p 98, fifth para of first column, ‘a group of Brujah antitribu’ should be italic ‘antitribu
          p 98, third para of second column, ‘talk of them between ourselves’ should be ‘among ourselves’
          p 100, first heading of second column, ‘Combination Powers’ should be ‘Combination Disciplines’
          p 100, first full para of second column, ‘They remember spending time together’ is a problematic use of the ‘singular they’ since there are TWO subjects – the Brujah and her target – who MAY actually share memories (or not) depending on how one chooses to read this power’s effect… It could use a bit of revision
          …same, ‘the True Brujah has proved themselves’ is… not good, really not good. Reasons as above AND with a very wonky antecedent/pronoun agreement issue
          p 100, second full para of second column, ‘They then make’ is wrong, too… Let’s say the Brujah is ‘she’ and the target is ‘he’ shall we? That will fix all of this section’s pronoun issues
          p 100, third full para of second column, ‘until something calls their motives into question’ should be ‘her motives’ as it refers to the Brujah
          p 101, last para of first column, ‘see how well they understand’ should be ‘he understands’ to match the pronoun in the preceding paragraph
          p 101, last para of first column, ‘grants them 1 temporary Willpower’ should be ‘grants him’ to match pronoun in preceding paragraph


          B.I.G. Bird spreads the word: Anybody with a heart votes love

          Comment


          • #20
            On page 55 it talks about the 4th great symposium taking place in Constantinople in 1866, when that city had been renamed Istanbul by that point for over 400 years.
            Last edited by CeltSPZ; 03-19-2017, 03:20 PM.

            Comment


            • #21
              I'm not sure if it's an errata.

              Pag 101. There's a power of Temporis of level 6 and two powers of Level 8. Is it correct or Temporal Understanding should be a power of Level 7?

              Comment


              • #22
                Constantinople was still referred to as such both in the West and by the Ottoman administration as such until the formation of the Republic of Turkey; Istanbul had coexisted as a term of reference before that point, but to my understanding it was more colloquial.

                Comment


                • #23
                  p. 85: "We stole his name and his face to make thing easier for ourselves."

                  Edit: Beaten by the ever thorough Phaolan.



                  Sam Young | Vampires ruin everything freelancer

                  VtR: Curses of Caine in Blood and SmokeTricks of the DamnedBtP: Secrets of VancouverCofD: The CabinActual Play: Vampire: The Requiem – Bloodlines
                  I podcast: The Breakup, a podcast about destroying the things you love

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    p 5, middle column, 'Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez' is grammatically false in french. You should write it like that: 'Laissez Les Bon Temps Rouler'.
                    p 87, first column, the same as above: 'Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez' is grammatically false in french. You should write it like that: 'Laissez Les Bon Temps Rouler'.

                    Comment

                    Working...
                    X