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Beckett's Jyhad Diary errata thread

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  • #46
    pg. 344: "these revelations for, like the Capuchin" Insert comma between "revelations" and "for."
    "the end, and has been" Delete comma.

    pg. 345: "drive so far, before having" Delete comma.

    pg. 346: "An hour's past and the banging's stopped." Insert comma between "past" and "and."

    pg. 347: "the library, and has extensively" Delete comma.
    "by Clan, and makes frequent" Delete comma.
    pg. 348: "Julian Ganders; fell to his Beast" Change semi-colon to comma.
    "only three, and a low number" Delete comma.
    The second diary fragment seems to say "1892," but as the fragments seem arranged in chronological order, it should be some year between 1667 and 1794.
    "mortal eyes, and the eyes" Delete comma.
    pg. 349: "an immortal and you shall" Insert comma between "immortal" and "and."

    pg. 351: "To my knowledge the buildings" Insert comma between "knowledge" and "the."

    pg. 352: Bold "To:" and delete tab between ";" and "aisling.sturbridge@fiveboroughs.com."

    pg. 353: "which to feed I doubted" Insert comma between "feed" and "I."

    pg. 354: "no, ask him;" Delete or change to a colon the semi-colon.

    pg. 355: "the Cappadocians out the way" Insert "of" between "out" and "the."
    "Inner Circle of the Camarilla are going" Insert comma between "Camarilla" and "are."
    pg. 356: "In his letter he said" Insert comma between "letter" and "he."

    pg. 357: "months ago, and has long" Delete comma.
    Bold, center, and cap "[sound of glass...]."
    "To do so I need" Insert comma between "so" and "I."
    pg. 358: "was mad, and wanted him" Delete comma.
    "His face changed but not his voice." Insert comma between "changed" and "but."
    "own existence and to hell" Insert comma between "existence" and "and."
    pg. 359: Is "motives" the right word? Something more like "aims" seems more logical.
    "manse, as the centennial" Delete comma.
    pg. 360: "Despite his bravado he's far" Insert comma between "bravado" and "he's."
    "the sweetest, and most desperate." Delete comma.
    "away before them, as every sanctuary" Delete comma.
    pg. 361: "recreating the Conspiracy of Isaac, with him in the role of Augustus, and Augustus as Cappadocius" Delete commas.
    "overnight and wraithly servants" Insert comma between "overnight" and "and."
    "Within one haven the profane" Insert comma between "haven" and "the."
    "the book, than word" Delete comma.
    "lupines" should be capitalized.
    "Kupala, and wishes" Delete comma.
    "name, and put down" Delete comma.
    "awaits him there, and is reluctant" Delete comma.

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    • #47
      -p. 139 "Metro Local Line 70 Bus, Los Angeles, United States"

      If the intent of the passage was to depict Beckett writing a journal entry on a bus from Santa Monica into downtown Los Angeles there's a problem: the Line 70 doesn't go anywhere near Santa Monica. In fact it's at the complete opposite end of LA.

      Suggestion would be to change it to the Line 20, since that one DOES go from Santa Monica to Los Angeles.

      -p. 141 "Told her to shut it about me and Jack, But no addresses."

      Either a capitalization issue or incorrect punctuation.

      Change the comma into a period, so the passage is now "...me and Jack. But no addresses." Or have "But" be lowercase and become "...me and Jack, but no addresses."
      Last edited by tasti man LH; 11-14-2017, 02:02 PM.

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      • #48
        p. 246: "...the might be called 'Anarchs.'" -- they



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        • #49
          I have a weird little piece:

          Page 319: on the symbol of Tanit, the crescent should be rotated 90 degrees either direction- it usually points down, sometimes up, but I have not seen an example of sideways.

          Here are some extant examples:
          https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/F..._ed_darek2.jpg
          https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/F...Carthage.3.jpg
          https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/F...tofet_Nora.jpg
          https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/F...ago_Tophet.JPG

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          • #50
            pg. 363: "25th floor, made from" Delete comma.
            "surrounding the pool, and" Delete comma.
            "instead of limbs, and a" Delete comma.
            pg. 364: "his shrieks, and raced" Delete comma.
            "I arrived, and attempting to" Delete comma.
            "further down one does" Change "does" to "goes."
            pg. 365: "overflow drains, and threw" Delete comma.
            Bold, center, and cap "[Recording ends]."
            "of influence, and now" Delete comma.
            pg. 367: "for years, and needed" Delete comma.
            "to New York, and to you." Delete comma.
            pg. 368: "In recent months I sought" Insert comma between "months" and "I."

            pg. 369: "But you don't hold with the Master of Ravens' 'One True Way.'" Should the period be a question mark? It could be either a declarative or interrogative sentence, but I thought I'd mention it just in case it was mis-punctuated. It reads more of a question to me.

            pg. 370: "drink yesterday, or half" Delete comma.

            pg. 372: "presence, and the regular" Delete comma.
            "smiled and said "Saulot is here." Insert comma between "said" and the quotation mark.
            pg. 373: "Welcome, to Hunedoara." Delete comma.
            Bold, center, and cap "[murmuring of approval...]."
            Bold, center, and cap "[shouting, proclamations...]."
            pg. 374: "to survive, and do nothing" Delete comma.
            Bold, center, and cap "[several vampires attempted to leave at this point, but found themselves bound in the castle site's confines]." Also, change "attempted" to "attempts" and "found" to "find."
            "a reason, and will show" Delete comma.
            "your entertainment, or to frustrate" Delete comma.
            pg. 375: "the Inconnu, and would see" Delete comma.
            "manipulation, and that the" Delete comma.
            "Which if successful, would lure" Insert comma between "Which" and "if."
            "themselves Inconnu, and possess" Delete comma.
            pg. 376: "Saulot's wisdom, and uses" Delete comma.
            "forehead, and smiled upon" Delete comma.
            "said 'don't push it.'" Insert comma between "said" and quotation mark. Capitalize "don't."
            pg. 378: "of crimes, or devotees" Delete comma.
            "what is clear, is their" Delete comma.
            "against Warlocks and their vapid" Insert "the" between "against" and "Warlocks"?
            "Ivory Tower, and inspire" Delete comma.
            "attention however" Insert comma between "attention" and "however."
            "torpid Salubri, or waking" Delete comma.
            "its borders, and mark" Delete comma.
            "meditate, and remorseful" Delete comma.
            "being framed; the entire" Change semi-colon to comma.
            "highly, in information of" Delete comma.
            "her founder, upon hearing" Delete comma.
            "one child, so the original" Delete comma.

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            • #51
              p. 249: "Stoker’s Dracula." -- should be in italics
              p. 249: "They’d helped keep avert a full-blown Gehenna..." -- cut keep
              p. 249: "...its face from even from my vision..." -- cut the second from
              p. 265: "...the resident for his compiled Encyclopedia Vampirica." -- should be italics (and the AE spelling of encyclopaedia if that's desired)
              p. 265: "Ultimately, they would all be commanded to bring death to the vampire that’s done it the most harm: Vlad Tepes?" -- Doesn't seem to be a question
              p. 279: "...making ghouls of all the rabbits in the woods at the food of the Urals?" -- foot?
              p. 280: "Listen well these words, children of Absimiliard." -- Beckett's transcript is slightly different from the full one at the bottom of the page; there's a "to" missing there
              p. 292: "The One True Way to Golconda according to The Master of Ravens" -- uppercase (edit: actually, I guess it's not part of the title?)
              p. 298: "...remains of the antitribu…." -- the ellipsis character is followed by a regular period
              p. 298: "...and if so; why, before I act." -- semicolon should be a comma
              Last edited by Yossarian; 11-12-2017, 05:09 PM.



              Sam Young | Vampires ruin everything freelancer

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              • #52
                pg. 381: "objects d'art, and their" Delete comma.
                "official capacity he didn't" Insert comma between "capacity" and "he."
                pg. 382: "with me he had dropped" Insert comma between "me" and "he."
                "recording devices, or the presence" Delete comma.
                Should "final death" be "Final Death"? As it is in an "in-character" piece, do Kindred capitalize it among themselves? Or is it an out-of-character game term?
                "long way and I've dangled at you." Insert comma between "way" and "and." Insert "Nictuku" between "dangled" and "at."
                pg. 383 "Regent of the Five" Insert "Boroughs."
                Bold, center, and cap "[nails down a chalkboard?]"
                "hopeful imaginings it's just" Insert comma between "imaginings" and "it's."
                pg. 384: "was starting we found" Insert comma between "starting" and "we."
                "the one not bound" Change to "the ones not bound," as it earlier said there were three unbound progeny of Absimiliard.
                "Fact check, before publication." Delete comma.
                "Worse... how?" Delete space between ellipses and "how" in keeping with all other uses of ellipses.
                pg. 385: "two myself and I possess" Insert comma between "myself" and "and."
                "He hungers and sewer workers" Insert comma between "hungers" and "and."
                "good lad, and brought" Delete comma.
                pg. 387: "of yours and they found" Insert comma between "yours" and "and."

                pg. 388: "I would like to hear of your findings, and on behalf of my Clan am prepared to share mine, openly." Delete commas. Insert comma between "and" and "on." Insert comma between "Clan" and "am."

                pg. 389: "their own and the Camarilla" Insert comma between "own" and "and."
                "Jamaica Bay and from there I went" Insert comma between "Bay" and "and." Insert comma between "there" and "I."
                "its landmass, and are constantly" Delete comma.
                "Per Ruthven this is" Insert comma between "Ruthven" and "this."
                pg. 390: "and now, profoundly grateful" Delete comma.

                pg. 391: "an arm and I rather suspect" Insert comma between "arm" and "and."
                "place and so I" Insert comma between "place" and "and."
                pg. 393: "vanished and I heard it" Insert comma between "vanished" and "and."

                pg. 394: "light and an actual sensation" Insert comma between "light" and "and."

                pg. 395: Bold, center, and cap "[sloshing noise]."
                Change "Unnamed speaker:" to "Unnamed Speaker:"?
                pg. 397: "common cause, or share" Delete comma.
                "longer lost, and now" Delete comma.
                pg. 398: "United States and, if the" Insert comma between "States" and "and."
                "ranks and the conspiracy" Insert comma between "ranks" and "and."
                Change "kindred of Manhattan" to "Kindred of Manhattan."
                pg. 399: "ambassador, and sent several" Delete comma.

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                • #53
                  pg. 402: "old dig, re-opened and worked" Delete comma.

                  pg. 403: "the pit I sense" Insert comma between "pit" and "I."
                  "air pressure, or some" Delete comma.
                  pg. 404: "Ben Gurion and I'd" Insert comma between "Gurion" and "and."
                  "brethren however, and what" Insert comma between "brethren" and "however."
                  pg. 405: "my head and I can't" Insert comma between "head" and "and."

                  pg. 407: "today's magazine," Change comma to period.

                  pg. 408: "freeing Him we will" Insert comma between "Him" and "we."
                  "is free and Malakai follows" Insert comma between "free" and "and."
                  pg. 409: "to rest, and revisit" Delete comma.

                  pg. 411: Bold, center, and cap "[hysterical laughter...]."
                  "Kothar, while you convalesce." Delete comma.
                  "in Venice, and informed" Delete comma.
                  pg. 414: "After a while I stopped" Insert comma between "while" and "I."
                  "interrogate me, and worship" Delete comma.
                  "no ancient gods" Change to "not ancient gods."
                  pg. 415: "in Jerusalem, to help" Delete comma.

                  pg. 416: "and enlightened, before draining" Delete comma.
                  "Malakai, and her rotting" Delete comma.
                  "gore and lust, as the Clan" Delete comma.
                  "intelligent, and possessed" Delete comma.
                  "rise, and knows" Delete comma.
                  pg. 417: "for some reason she was" Insert comma between "reason" and "she."
                  "swayed, and looks for" Delete comma.
                  "Saudi Arabia, as vectors" Delete comma.

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                  • #54
                    p. 313: "...holding fast against such stock such as your own sire, I presume." -- cut the second such



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                    • #55
                      pg. 421: "Wolf credit, keeping the" Change comma to semi-colon.
                      "social scene and if" Insert comma between "scene" and "and."
                      pg. 422: "smell it, in the folds" Delete comma.
                      "on me and she smiles" Insert comma between "me" and "and."
                      pg. 423: "Other were just no longer" Change "Other" to "Others."

                      pg. 424: "years ago, into the burial" Delete comma.

                      pg. 427: "me once, maybe he" Change comma to semi-colon.
                      "she's right, I don't see. Change comma to semi-colon or period.
                      "property, to discourage" Delete comma.
                      "of anyone, it certainly" Change comma to semi-colon.
                      pg. 428: "briquettes and I was" Insert comma between "briquettes" and "and."

                      pg. 429: "the Sabbat, and eventually" Delete comma.

                      pg. 430: "very busy, why trouble" Change comma to semi-colon.
                      "trophy there, don't fuck it up." Change comma to semi-colon.
                      pg. 431: "In 1992 the demolition" Insert comma between "1992" and "the."
                      "Within days the city" Insert comma between "days" and "the."
                      "everywhere now, and has" Delete comma.

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                      • #56
                        p. 369: "He’s a con-artist, or as my sire would say; “a charlatan and manipulator.”" -- semicolon should be a comma
                        p. 406: "princess123 joined the conversation" -- italicized text (my emphasis) shouldn't be bold
                        p. 406: "mrmysterio joined the conversation" -- mrmysterio should be bold
                        p. 406: "princess123: fucking harsh" -- the highlight of the chat entry is missing; should be blue like the other princess123 entries.
                        p. 407: "Historical reports of mass hysteria in Jerusalem are included in today’s magazine, -- should be a period?
                        p. 407: "jjp left the conversation" -- jjp should be bold
                        Last edited by Yossarian; 11-14-2017, 06:25 AM.



                        Sam Young | Vampires ruin everything freelancer

                        VtR: Curses of Caine in Blood and SmokeTricks of the DamnedBtP: Secrets of VancouverCofD: The CabinActual Play: Vampire: The Requiem – Bloodlines
                        I podcast: The Breakup, a podcast about destroying the things you love

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                        • #57
                          p468 : "Persia *early 7th century. Persia #late-7h century".
                          => In Lore of the Bloodlines p40, Khurshid say "my true skill was in laying waste to Theodosius’ soldiers...". According to the Theodosius, it is during the 4th century (Theodosius I) or the 8th for Theodosius III, no?

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                          • #58
                            p. 169 "Maybe the Sabbat was invoking him for protection? 'Dastur save me?'"

                            Question mark should be outside the quotation mark, as Lucita is asking if people say the phrase "Dastor save me" not that the phrase itself is a question. Should read as:

                            "Maybe the Sabbat was invoking him for protection? 'Dastur save me'?"

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                            • #59
                              pg. 434: "our belts or mentors... gone by may" Insert comma between "belts" and "or." Insert comma between "by" and "may."

                              pg. 436: "the engines, and approached" Delete comma.
                              "On good authority I'm told" Insert comma between "authority" and "I'm."
                              pg. 437: The annotation is unsigned.
                              "forced a bond to form" Change "forced" to "forcing."
                              "Make yourself to home." Change "to" to "at."
                              pg. 438: "minutes, before being blinded" Delete comma.
                              "me back and I half turned" Insert comma between "back" and "and."
                              Bold, center, and cap "[sound of a heavy thud...]."
                              "downstairs study and if" Insert comma between "study" and "and."
                              pg. 440: "an eyeblink and Mr. Beckett" Insert comma between "eyeblink" and "and."

                              pg. 441: "unlife and you do not" Insert comma between "unlife" and "and."
                              Change annotation signature from "_B" to "-B."
                              pg. 444: Bold, center, and cap "[pause]."

                              pg. 445: "recover or should we" Insert comma between "recover" and "or."
                              Bold, center, and cap "[terrible shrieking...]."
                              Bold, center, and cap "[Vykos spitting...]."
                              pg. 446: "Oh... no." Delete space between ellipses and "no," in keeping with other ellipses use.
                              "murder you we have" Insert comma between "you" and "we."
                              pg. 447: "the Sisters and it wasn't" Insert comma between "Sisters" and "and."

                              pg. 449: "those ideals and so they" Insert comma between "ideals" and "and."
                              "against him and, in so doing" Insert comma between "him" and "and."
                              pg. 450: "local ruler, and sanctuary" Delete comma.

                              pg. 451: "Eshmunazar, and reaching out" Delete comma.
                              "of her, and usher" Delete comma.
                              pg. 453: "Here at the library I plugged" Insert comma between "library" and "I."
                              "You are brave..." Should be formatted so that it is clearer it is what the USB said?
                              pg. 454: "from the raid, and commanded" Delete comma.
                              "into it, and bore" Delete comma.
                              pg. 455: "the Blue Bloods, and bankroll" Delete comma.
                              "either have, or in what" Delete comma.
                              "Camarilla, assuring their" Delete comma.
                              "of note, and for that" Delete comma.
                              pg. 456: "an investment..." Add fourth ellipsis.
                              "new Prince, and makes" Delete comma.
                              "the victors, in the only" Delete comma.
                              "pair or lips" Change to "pair of lips."
                              "Oh... That may be more" Add fourth ellipsis.
                              pg. 457: "signorina, or some other" Delete comma.
                              "At an early age she acted" Insert comma between "age" and "she."
                              "semi-sedation aware of what was going on, but physically helpless." Insert comma between "semi-sedation" and "aware."
                              pg. 459: Change "Magno di Giovani" to "Magno di Giovanni."
                              "on his conscience, and according to my sources is a" Delete comma. Insert comma between "and" and "according." Insert comma between "sources" and "is."
                              The annotation is unsigned.
                              "Cenotaph Path, and personal possession" Delete comma.
                              pg. 460: "young but canny enough" Insert comma between "young" and "but."
                              "not go, to torment" Delete comma.
                              "he feeds he attempts to summon again, to feed from again." Insert comma between "feeds" and "he." Delete comma between "again" and "to."
                              pg. 461: "Osiris, before I" Delete comma.
                              "the Eye, and my" Delete comma.
                              "(they exist) and they roll" Insert comma between ")" and "and."
                              pg. 462: "this request out" "Request does not really seem the right word here. Something more like "offer" seems more appropriate.
                              "of his, and agreed" Delete comma.
                              pg. 464: "Beckett... Khursid" Delete space between ellipses and "Khursid."
                              "the loa, and our preoccupation for death magic" Delete comma. Change "preoccupation" to "penchant" (or a similar word). Alternately, change "for" to "with."
                              pg. 465: "amusing, and keeps her" Delete comma.

                              pg. 467: "Shadowlands early, and did not" Delete comma.
                              "Port-au-Prince and you will" Insert comma between "Port-au-Prince" and "and."
                              "Oh..." Add fourth ellipsis.
                              Bold, center, and cap "[howling voices]."
                              pg. 468: "from Israel I stopped" Insert comma between "Israel" and "I."
                              "disagrees, and points" Delete comma.
                              pg. 469: "fingers, and pulled a blank" Delete comma.
                              "said to me, was 'Forget" Delete comma.
                              pg. 470: Bold "From:", "To:", and "Subject:".
                              "new born Nitocris, in her place." Delete comma. Change "new born" to "new-born."
                              pg. 471: "genuine friendship, and almost" Delete comma.

                              pg. 472: "taut skin, and wears a ceremonial" Delete comma.

                              pg. 473: "or smile, or scraps" Delete comma.
                              "the Dunsirn, and proceeds" Delete comma.
                              pg. 474: "the Camarilla, than work with" Delete comma.
                              "their own bloodline, and to bolster" Delete comma.
                              "eighth pillar, and a power" Delete comma.
                              "Clan of Death, and the Serpents" Delete comma.
                              "Giovanni necromancy, and all" Change comma to semi-colon.
                              "the Venetians, for guardianship" Delete comma.
                              "in the ritae, and study" Delete comma.
                              "Augustus' soul, and that" Delete comma.
                              pg. 475: "their cause, and feel Isabel" Delete comma.
                              "message themselves, or trace" Delete comma.
                              pg. 477: "remain afloat, and watched" Delete comma.

                              pg. 478: "so sweet, that tired bones" Delete comma.

                              pg. 479: "Much to my surprise Myrsus has proven to be quite useful for his knowledge of the occult and am delighted that..." Insert comma between "surprise" and "Myrsus." Insert comma between "occult" and "and." Insert "I" between "and" and "am."
                              "was even been" Change "was" to "has." Alternately, delete "been."
                              "a name, too, Ihsan" Change comma between "too" and "Ihsan" to colon.
                              pg. 480: The annotation is unsigned.

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                              • #60
                                p. 416, sidebar heading: "Long intervals of horrible sanity" -- should be caps: "Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity"
                                p. 422: "...a series of red velvet ropes leading, presumably, to theater itself." -- should be the theater
                                p. 427: "I can’t say that I’m love with the idea..." -- should be in love
                                p. 430: "I thought were you taking the piss..." -- should be you were
                                p. 431: "Cainites Never Come In From The Cold" -- should be lowercase
                                Last edited by Yossarian; 11-14-2017, 10:38 PM.



                                Sam Young | Vampires ruin everything freelancer

                                VtR: Curses of Caine in Blood and SmokeTricks of the DamnedBtP: Secrets of VancouverCofD: The CabinActual Play: Vampire: The Requiem – Bloodlines
                                I podcast: The Breakup, a podcast about destroying the things you love

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