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V:tM Novel - A Prince's Ambition

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  • V:tM Novel - A Prince's Ambition

    Submitted for your enjoyment, approval, critique, dismissal, hatred, admiration, etc. etc. etc., a VtM novel I've been working on for, well, quite a while. It's called "A Prince's Ambition."

    https://sabercathost.com/m4fJ/A_Princes_Ambition.pdf

    A few disclaimers: * While it is narratively complete, this novel is not "officially" finished. It may yet have things cut, added, or changed significantly before I decide it's "done."
    * This has NOT undergone final continuity editing. I have revised major plot points dozens of times, and it's always possible I missed something. So if someone dies and shows up later, I apologize -- though I sincerely don't believe that I missed anything that large. 😉
    * This hasn't been finally edited, either. There are grammar errors and typos. But I write pretty clean drafts, so they shouldn't be distracting.
    * Some of you old timers might remember large chunks of this from the old White Wolf forums back in like 1998 or so. I posted large portions of this back then as "Legendre". (I started writing this around 1996. As I'm not a professional author, doing a full novel takes time I haven't always had. )

  • #2
    I've started reading it, enjoying it so far. Thanks for posting!

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    • #3
      Originally posted by JezMiller View Post
      I've started reading it, enjoying it so far. Thanks for posting!
      Thank you very much. I look forward to finding out your more considered and complete opinion... and earnestly hope that you enjoy it.

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      • #4
        So... anyone get past the first thirty pages?

        Fishing for criticism here, not necessarily compliments.

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        • #5
          Indeed I have, despite the intervention of illness, overtime and a Dr. Who convention. I'm not even close to finished for the aforementioned reasons, but I have a couple of observations already:-

          (1) You should seriously consider putting this on the Storyteller's Vault. It's excellently written and highly entertaining

          (2) This, to me, strongly evokes the "vibe" of the first and second editions and the early fiction publications like the Beast Within anthology. It has a diverse range of characters who are representative of their clans while nonetheless coming over as distinct individuals, and they appear, from what I've read so far, to be the focus of the story. What attracted me to Masquerade in the early 1990s was that character-driven focus, and you have successfully recaptured its essence.

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          • #6
            I was not aware that you could put fiction up there! Hmmm. Excellent suggestion. You have convinced me to look into it and see what it entails.

            As for the "vibe" -- that totally makes sense. Most of it was written before Revised even came out.

            You might be disappointed if you're looking for "main" characters -- while character is of critical importance to the events that unfold, there are really five or six "main" characters: Vladimir, Pierre, Ciene, Edward, and Prince St. Peters. And there's no central protagonist. It's really an ensemble piece, sort of like Shakespearean comedy.

            But hopefully you'll continue to enjoy as you work through it. THANK YOU SO MUCH for the feedback and the kind words. If you do have criticisms, I'd love to hear them.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Legendre View Post
              So... anyone get past the first thirty pages?

              Fishing for criticism here, not necessarily compliments.

              I'm slowly reading this at work. So far it's good.

              Comment


              • #8
                Just finished the novel. I really enjoyed It, i have to point out that i liked specially the reactions of the kindred. And the powers descriptions.
                On the other hand i will say that the great finale was no were to be seen. The conclusion seem to abrupt.

                I should also point out that english is not my first languaje so i am in not position to adress writing or so.

                Anyway GREAT WORK AND THANK YOU FOR SHARING.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Anarade Relle View Post


                  I'm slowly reading this at work. So far it's good.
                  Thanks! I hope you continue to enjoy it.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Serendil View Post
                    Just finished the novel. I really enjoyed It, i have to point out that i liked specially the reactions of the kindred. And the powers descriptions.
                    On the other hand i will say that the great finale was no were to be seen. The conclusion seem to abrupt.

                    I should also point out that english is not my first languaje so i am in not position to adress writing or so.

                    Anyway GREAT WORK AND THANK YOU FOR SHARING.
                    You're ABSOLUTELY WELCOME!!!!!

                    You're right, of course, that it ends with more of a whimper than a bang. The "climax" is really the fate of the Sabbat pack. Once that gets resolved, the rest is really supposed to be more "falling action." But yes, I probably should flesh out the end a little more.

                    But damn if I didn't have like 7 months of writer's block on how to finish. Four completely separate drafts of the ending all seemed to suck. Only draft five -- the one you read -- didn't strike me as forced, artificial, or lame. Unfortunately, as you point out, it fizzles a bit.

                    Thank you so much for the feedback. I really appreciate it.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Good stuff. I liked the fights and how you describe the usage of disciplines. During the Dylan fight I could picture it happening as a table top combat and loved it. As Serendil points out about your ending. . . . You need a connector to bridge the gap between St.Peters preparing for a showdown and somehow Valdimir becoming Prince. Perhaps a disjointed scene from the perspective of somebody that gets hit in the head very hard?

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Anarade Relle View Post
                        Good stuff. I liked the fights and how you describe the usage of disciplines. During the Dylan fight I could picture it happening as a table top combat and loved it. As Serendil points out about your ending. . . . You need a connector to bridge the gap between St.Peters preparing for a showdown and somehow Valdimir becoming Prince. Perhaps a disjointed scene from the perspective of somebody that gets hit in the head very hard?
                        That's actually an outstanding idea. I can have it punctuated by flashbacks as he or she tries to remember what the hell just happened.

                        The problem isn't that I don't know what happens... it's that I was not able to write it in a way that I like. But you've given me inspiration!

                        Thank you for the kind words, and the excellent feedback.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Legendre View Post

                          That's actually an outstanding idea. I can have it punctuated by flashbacks as he or she tries to remember what the hell just happened.

                          The problem isn't that I don't know what happens... it's that I was not able to write it in a way that I like. But you've given me inspiration!

                          Thank you for the kind words, and the excellent feedback.
                          Your welcome. I hope it helps and thank you for throwing this up.

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