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  • Funny moments from your campaign

    Exactly what the title says. Share some funny moments from your game:

    The nerdy Malkavian claims he's like Worf. "Worf was raised by humans and everything he learned about being a Klingon was from books. When I became a vampire, I found an old ratty copy of the Book of Nod from my master's library. I taught myself all about vampire traditions and how to behave, which is mostly not hurting mortals even if you lord over them or committing diablerie. Then I found out the other Nod worshipers thought this was exactly the opposite of how Caine wanted you to behave. Everyone else thought Caine was stupid and wondered why I bothered."

    "So vampire religion is the same as humans religions."

    "Yeah, except more Klingon parallels."

    ----

    "The Prince is surrounded by hunters and you've managed to get yourself free."

    "Shout,'"YOUR SACRIFICE WILL BE REMEMBERED, MY PRINCE!'"

    "The Prince responds in what seems like 17th century French obscenities. Which are mostly the same as today but with a definite accent."
    Last edited by CTPhipps; 09-12-2021, 02:15 PM.


    Author of Cthulhu Armageddon, I was a Teenage Weredeer, Straight Outta Fangton, Lucifer's Star, and the Supervillainy Saga.

  • #2
    Tremere Shop Owner: IF you do something stupid again we'll curse you *Hiss*
    Gangrel Occult Fanboy: You can do that? *Excited noise*
    Banu Haqim: They can do that.

    Comment


    • #3
      3rd ed i was playing a lasombra and the pack leader insists on her sitting in the middle seat in the back of the alleged car. It eventually becomes clear its so driver can use the rear mirror effectively.

      A joke a brujah anarch once dropped in elysium to provoke the giovanni eldar into a frenzy
      "How do you castrate a giovanni? Kick his sister in the jaw."

      Same Brujah "Okay what do anarchs and Elders both fear?"
      Snarky Nosferatu "getting a real job?"
      Last edited by Ragged Robin; 09-12-2021, 01:37 PM.

      Comment


      • #4
        So, two game sessions ago in my TC game, my players learned an army of 16,000 Ottoman cavalry was heading for Sibiu (real history), and that accompanying them was almost certainly a vanguard force of Assamites to sabotage cities' defenses, assassinate Cainites, the usual. They were getting their favors called in by Bulscu to stand and help defend the Siebenburgen, rather than do the smart thing which was run and find some place to hide.

        This was all in my TC post. What wasn't, was my players initially misinterpreted this as meaning they needed to do something to help against the 16,000 cavalry. The whole Assamite thing just seemed to kind of go right over their heads. Their plans were, well, unique...

        One of them had the idea to use Animalism, summon a shitload of marmots, and command them to burrow under the ground and chew up all the roads leading into Sibiu. Because then, the Ottomans' horses wouldn't be able to use the roads.

        When they figured out that summoning literally thousands of marmots, and then having to command enough of them to perform this task, would prove logistically...challenging...they hit on the idea of using fewer marmots, but having them burrow spots on the road where mortals could bury pots of black powder to be set off when the Ottomans rode by. Because apparently, roadside IED's aren't just native to Iraq, but Transylvania circa 1440 AD as well.

        Then they figured out the whole marmot idea wasn't likely to go anywhere, fast enough, to really matter. So instead, they got the idea of summoning and ghouling wild boars to attack the Ottomans in waves. Attack sixteen thousand Ottomans in mass boar waves. Training ghouled attack boars isn't the worst idea they've ever had, it wasn't even worst idea they had in that game session, it was just...unfeasible, given the scale and time frame.

        Then they had the idea of mortal suicide bombers, with pots of black powder. I let them pull this off once like 14 years ago in a Mage game, because one of them had Mind, enough of it to convince sleepers to do it, and a general lack of ethics to convince sleepers to do it. And ever since, once every couple years, they run into a problem in a chronicle where their go-to solution just leaps straight to "suicide bombers".

        I was really tempted to let the Gangrel Groundhog General prepare his master plan, only to get immediately dieseled by an Assamite before he could launch it, but after a few tries I finally managed to get them to identify the Assamites as the major threat with which they need to be concerned, and therefore on track.

        I've mentioned on the forums before about the Sabbat game I ran, where the PC's got their hands on an RPG, and nearly killed themselves in the backblast because none of their characters knew how an RPG worked and they shot it out the window of a Toyota Tercel or some shit. Same fucking people.

        Comment


        • #5
          Remembering the Nosferatu who wanted to try to use his Animalism to ride an enemy vozhd like a horsey will never not put a smile on my face.

          I let the rest of the players find enough of his pieces to resuscitate him, because I'm a big ol' softie.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Reasor View Post
            Remembering the Nosferatu who wanted to try to use his Animalism to ride an enemy vozhd like a horsey will never not put a smile on my face.

            I let the rest of the players find enough of his pieces to resuscitate him, because I'm a big ol' softie.
            Ooh, I got vozhd stories! Two of 'em.

            First one, vozhd grafted into an M-60 Patton tank. That speaks for itself, really: 46 tons, 750 horsepower, and 105 millimeters of pure, unadulterated, hilarity. Well, for me. My players who had to deal with this monstrosity...not so much.

            Second one was actually a Mage game. Long story short, serious shit went down, amalgamation of Technocrat PC's ended up fighting three vozhd at once. They were among the first response in a borderline Code Ragnarok situation, so they were buffed to the absolute tits, had the best in equipment the Technocracy had to offer, artillery support and a fucking Stryker MGS on the ground for immediate fire support, sleeper military on deck to move in should they need it, HIT marks ready for HALO insertion on call, and fucking ESC's for orbital drop insertion if they ended up in serious shit.

            I'd expected them to do the smart thing, and call in the HIT's and ESC's when they saw the vozhd...but I forgot who the fuck I play with. I love my local group to death, but holy shit do they do some stupid shit from time to time...the problem is, sometimes, the stupid shit they do...works.

            They just decided, nah, they got this. And fuck me if they pulled it off, but at one point one PC had the aggro of all three vozhd at once. All three of them just converged on him at once, beating and stomping the dogshit out of him gangland, American History X, style. It was like 160 lethal delivered over the course of twenty attacks; all he could do was just take it.

            Motherfucker soaked every last level of it. It's just what happens when you're a mage, buffed to hell, and wearing Extraordinary Device power armor.

            So at the end of this righteous ass-whoopin', this PC is just standing there, at the bottom of the ten-feet deep crater the vozhd pounded into the ground around him, like "...somebody say somethin'?"
            Last edited by Theodrim; 09-12-2021, 10:38 PM.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Theodrim View Post
              So, two game sessions ago in my TC game, my players learned an army of 16,000 Ottoman cavalry was heading for Sibiu (real history), and that accompanying them was almost certainly a vanguard force of Assamites to sabotage cities' defenses, assassinate Cainites, the usual. They were getting their favors called in by Bulscu to stand and help defend the Siebenburgen, rather than do the smart thing which was run and find some place to hide.

              This was all in my TC post. What wasn't, was my players initially misinterpreted this as meaning they needed to do something to help against the 16,000 cavalry. The whole Assamite thing just seemed to kind of go right over their heads. Their plans were, well, unique...

              One of them had the idea to use Animalism, summon a shitload of marmots, and command them to burrow under the ground and chew up all the roads leading into Sibiu. Because then, the Ottomans' horses wouldn't be able to use the roads.

              When they figured out that summoning literally thousands of marmots, and then having to command enough of them to perform this task, would prove logistically...challenging...they hit on the idea of using fewer marmots, but having them burrow spots on the road where mortals could bury pots of black powder to be set off when the Ottomans rode by. Because apparently, roadside IED's aren't just native to Iraq, but Transylvania circa 1440 AD as well.

              Then they figured out the whole marmot idea wasn't likely to go anywhere, fast enough, to really matter. So instead, they got the idea of summoning and ghouling wild boars to attack the Ottomans in waves. Attack sixteen thousand Ottomans in mass boar waves. Training ghouled attack boars isn't the worst idea they've ever had, it wasn't even worst idea they had in that game session, it was just...unfeasible, given the scale and time frame.

              Then they had the idea of mortal suicide bombers, with pots of black powder. I let them pull this off once like 14 years ago in a Mage game, because one of them had Mind, enough of it to convince sleepers to do it, and a general lack of ethics to convince sleepers to do it. And ever since, once every couple years, they run into a problem in a chronicle where their go-to solution just leaps straight to "suicide bombers".

              I was really tempted to let the Gangrel Groundhog General prepare his master plan, only to get immediately dieseled by an Assamite before he could launch it, but after a few tries I finally managed to get them to identify the Assamites as the major threat with which they need to be concerned, and therefore on track.

              I've mentioned on the forums before about the Sabbat game I ran, where the PC's got their hands on an RPG, and nearly killed themselves in the backblast because none of their characters knew how an RPG worked and they shot it out the window of a Toyota Tercel or some shit. Same fucking people.
              This seems very appropriate to all gaming.

              And who says that vampires don't affect history?


              Author of Cthulhu Armageddon, I was a Teenage Weredeer, Straight Outta Fangton, Lucifer's Star, and the Supervillainy Saga.

              Comment


              • #8
                Coterie needs to take out another coterie who've made their havens in a caravan park.
                Player one, in life a troubled teenager with a penchant for arson and explosives who wants to test something out goes, "let's burn the place down."
                Player two goes, "are you nuts, why the hell would we do that?"
                Player one jokingly suggests rolling charisma+expression to make his case.
                Player One has only one die to roll.
                Player one rolls 10.

                For some god forsaken reason, the rest of the group decides that this result means that Player One has made his case with such passion for pyrotechnics that he must be an expert in the field and clearly knows what he's doing.
                "You know, you don't have to-"
                Coterie: "No, no. The dice have spoken."

                Suffice to say it doesn't go well. Player Three goes into rotschreck. Player Three attacks Player One because he's in the way. Player Three gets Player One's blood in his mouth. Guess what clan Player Three is? Player three sure didn't remember. I ask for pc imput on how their character would behave, so I know how their beast would behave and... ("...you bite him." "yes" "...you're sure...?" "...yes?" five seconds later; "ah fuck, I forgot my clan weakness."*)
                Player Two tries to tackle Player Three with a makeshift stake, which leads to a ridiculous game of tag with Player One being dragged around the area at superspeed with teeth in his neck screaming obsenities all the while. Player Two keeps falling over and at one stage almost stakes herself.
                Surprisingly, Player Two successfully saves Player One at the last moment. Player One, low on blood and angry enough to go into his own frenzy repays her by biting her. He is now fully bound to her thanks to prior accidents and misplaced pity.
                They are, at this stage, all at least at a stage one blood bond with each other.

                By some miracle, they managed to avoid a masquerade breach (mortals were a tad preocuppied burning to death) but giving these guys another two nights to live is being a tad optimistic, and there's a betting pool going for who's going to die first.
                _

                *In fairness, I've been on the other end of that one. The first time I played Giovanni I forgot the difference in feeding habits and caused a masquerade breach when the dude started screaming blue murder. I was wondering why everybody kept asking if I was sure I wanted to bite him...

                I also have a Tzimisce who for some reason fails animalism any time she tries to work with an animal that isn't a cockroach. Every. Time. What's more shameful as an apex supernatural predator, spending three hours straight begging a rodent for its cooperation or to concede defeat in a battle of wits with it?
                Last edited by Rhywbeth; 09-13-2021, 05:57 PM.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Ragged Robin View Post
                  3rd ed i was playing a lasombra and the pack leader insists on her sitting in the middle seat in the back of the alleged car. It eventually becomes clear its so driver can use the rear mirror effectively.

                  A joke a brujah anarch once dropped in elysium to provoke the giovanni eldar into a frenzy
                  "How do you castrate a giovanni? Kick his sister in the jaw."

                  Same Brujah "Okay what do anarchs and Elders both fear?"
                  Snarky Nosferatu "getting a real job?"
                  The first one is the best.


                  Warrior of the Rainbow
                  Saint among the sinners
                  Pure among the dirt
                  Loser among winners

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoted from our Transsylvanian Chronicles/Gehenna Chronicle:

                    Ventrue PC: Wait, you kidnapped and killed my childe for some magical experimentation!?
                    Rutor (NPC): No,also because it was fun.
                    Rest of the party: *Tries not to laugh, mostly fails"

                    Setite PC to Ventrue PC: Could you please tell you soldiers to NOT SHOOT AT MY GOD!

                    Toreador PC (me): You're the Devil, aren't you?
                    Lucifer: Yes.
                    Me: I was wondering when you would show up. Want to make a deal?

                    Setite PC: *Gets a cell phone call*
                    Distant voice on the other end: My lord, you speak into this end.
                    Firm voice on the other end: Greetings my child, this is Sutekh.

                    Tzimisce PC with lots of Koldunic Sorcery: So, in conclusion, don't go to sleep in lava after you've had a castle fall on you.

                    Tremere, the Clan Founder: And now for the most difficulty part of the ritual. We will need 200 silver rings delivered to us here in Mexico City and we need them as soon as possible. I dont' know...
                    Toreador PC (me), insanely rich and influential: *Hangs up his cell phone" They'll be here tomorrow.


                    Freelance Writer and Storyteller's Vault contributor. Find my work here: http://www.storytellersvault.com/ind...liate_id=17903

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Two vampires discuss helping the ghost of a murder victim.

                      "If I were murdered I'd want a chance to get back at my killer."
                      "You were."
                      "... Oh yeah."


                      Craig Oxbrow
                      The Trinity Continuum freelancer

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        "I once spent two years in a Native American casino without leaving. No windows, no clocks, and all the food you could eat without anyone noticing why they were tired or depressed. I would have stayed forever if not for the fact that a bunch of Lupines showed up like they owned the place--which they possibly did."


                        Author of Cthulhu Armageddon, I was a Teenage Weredeer, Straight Outta Fangton, Lucifer's Star, and the Supervillainy Saga.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          So, I'll write more about this when I get around to my latest TC report, but just last night...

                          The elder Assamite that's been hunting the coterie in Sibiu finally went after them. My plan was, he was gonna drop a couple rounds' worth of flaming arrows from a roof while still under Unseen Presence, if it drops vanish, and whether or not the PC's were in good condition afterwards, jump down to finish them off or retreat. I had this whole thing earlier in the game session where Karl Schreckt, who was there for unrelated reasons, showed the PC's how they could use arquebuses to force Assamites out of Obfuscate, and the PC's were intended to use the arquebus they were given to fight the elder or at least drive him off.

                          I'd also had a brief, sidelong, in-character conversation about Weather Control. Schrekt was griping that Assamite sorcerers kept using Weather Control to fuck with Hungarian and Transylvanian defenders' troop movements, and his hands were completely tied from doing anything but countering their Weather Control with his own. OOC, Schrekt was not particularly happy he was summoned from Germany by literal Justicars to help defend against this massive Ottoman raid, complete with Assamite vanguard, only to end up a glorified weather man.

                          Fast forward to the actual Assamite attack, it went as planned, except his unseen presence dropped early and I couldn't get Vanish to stick. The Lasombra PC got sick of his "hails of arrows with Celerity" shtick, and dropped Weather Control 3 with dramatic success, meaning it took effect instantly. Which meant half the party ended up being less useful than they otherwise would have been due to the impact on ranged weapons, and the Assamite had little choice but to engage in melee, and hit the PC's as hard as he could in a single round before making a break for it.

                          I knew the encounter was threatening to go sideways when, in the middle of all that, the Gangrel PC, for lack of being able to get in the fight proper, grabbed a stoneware beer bottle off the street and chucked it at the Assamite's head. Then he actually managed to connect and deal damage with it. This fucking beer bottle and the damage it dealt, would turn out pretty important shortly.

                          The Assamite got around a corner into an alleyway, and the PC's had him cornered in more or less a stalemate. The Assamite was ready to just instagib anyone who came around the corner, and the party was taking their sweet-ass time getting the alley surrounded, giving the Assamite ample time to re-obfuscate. My plan was for the Assamite to just walk out while Obfuscated -- the elder had a higher Obfuscate rating than any of the PC's Auspex ratings, and the elder knew it after the previous two encounters.

                          Then, I failed the Assamite's Dexterity roll to stay on his feet due to the winds. Which meant he fell flat on his ass in the middle of the PC's. Then, he failed his Wits+Stealth roll to keep Unseen Presence up, meaning the PC's saw him fall flat on his ass in the middle of them. The Assamite only had enough blood left to fuel one last round of Celerity, which he used to run -- again. Except this time, the Setite PC had gotten himself into Typhonic Beast form, had sufficient movement speed to run the elder down, and rather trivially diablerized him as the Assamite didn't have remotely enough Potence to match the Setite, nor the blood pool to resist.

                          Fucking sixth-gen Assamite elder met Final Death by slapstick comedy. At least one Chekhov's gun went off in the game session...just not the literal gun.

                          Side note: two game sessions ago, the Setite's player was griping about how he misread Typhonic Avatar, how weak Typhonic beast form is compared to the hybrid war-form, and how he wanted to retcon his choice but I wouldn't let him. He ain't complainin' now.

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                          • #14
                            Ah, sudden comedy deaths of important characters are great!

                            Always love when the dice betray them.

                            In the spirit of the "What do vampires know about the Technocracy thread", this is a favorite line of a character:

                            "Mages can't be trusted. I know a Goth girl who had real powers and didn't mind vampires. She was a liar, though. She claimed that mages are in a secret war against an evil bunch of Star Trek people."


                            Author of Cthulhu Armageddon, I was a Teenage Weredeer, Straight Outta Fangton, Lucifer's Star, and the Supervillainy Saga.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by CTPhipps View Post
                              Ah, sudden comedy deaths of important characters are great!
                              What's funny about this moment Saturday night, was the Lasombra's player is the guy in my group who tends to come up with the best plans, they're just not the best-applicable plans for the circumstances at hand on occasion, which leads to him being sidelined on occasion and/or not being able to do a whole lot in combat encounters. In my Mage game way, way back when, he played the group's Dreamspeaker, which given the variety of circumstances the PC's dealt with, meant he was often at either extreme of utility but rarely in a happy middle.

                              The first secondary path he learned as an Abyss mystic was weather control, and he learned it not for combat shit but because he's one of the more maritime-inclined Lasombra. Weather Control's pretty fucking indispensable during an age in which ships are wind-powered and all. Ironic considering the majority of the chronicle occurs in a landlocked, mountainous region, but he has his fun in downtime. And he kept that card close to his chest, being exceptionally careful to not employ it lest other vampires learn he's a sorcerer.

                              Hell, it was a whole story or two before he even used Tenebrous form in front of even other PC's, so as to keep them from learning he'd mastered Obtenebration until necessity dictated.

                              The conversation with Shreckt must have put how to use Weather Control to his advantage in his mind, making it a proper set-up/pay-off...just not the one I had in mind. What Shreckt had shown the PC's is to pack the arquebus with kindling, pitch, and naphtha instead of a bullet, turning it into a one-use flamethrower that, while not really capable of dealing damage, is sufficient to trigger Rotshreck and force a Wits+Stealth check to maintain Unseen Presence.

                              So when he dropped Weather Control 3, the first thing I figured was "shit, that's going to backfire because this Assamite has Dexterity and Celerity out the ass and he's melee focused, all that's going to do is force the Assamite into a situation where he'll either have to run or start shredding PC's. And, if any PC's fall down, the Assamite is going to be all over them. It's going to be another situation where he sits back, frustrated at not being able to do much."

                              That's where the beer bottle came in. Having to heal off that damage dropped the Assamite's blood pool to where, after buffing, he only had a good two rounds of Celerity left. So, it was time to retreat, except that avenue got cut off when the Assamite failed his Dex check and dropped Unseen Presence.

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