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  • New character concept

    My last character I posted here did not work out so well. So, I thought up a new one

    Hector " Gears" Rodriguez was a street racer in LA during the 50s. At just 17 he and his hot rod, Widowmaker, already had the reputation of being great racers. Unfortunately, Hector was also infamous for his bad temper. He was infamous both on the streets and at his school for getting into fights, both with fellow racers and with students at his school.

    In 1959, during Hector's senior year, he asked his high school sweetheart, Rachel to the senior prom, and to his delight, she accepted. That night however, Rachel did not show up, leaving Hector heartbroken and angry. The next day, he saw Rachel holding hands with Diego Martinez, his rival. Hector, in his anger, beat the living shot out of Diego for stealing " his girl". Later that same day, Hector got involved in another street race. During the middle of the race, Hector mysteriously lost control of his hot rod and crashed it into a building, causing it to be ingulfed in a fiery inferno with him in it.

    When Hector woke up, he found himself staring into the face of a old man . When Hecor asked where he was, the old man explained to him that he was dead. Hector, refusing to believe the old man, ran back to his house only to find his mother crying and seemingly unaware of his presence. Hector them remembered that he got into a nasty argument with his mother that day and never apologized. This then made Hector look back at his life and all of his actions and he realized one thing, maybe he deserves this fate. He is currently spending his eternity haunting his family home, wishing that he could apologize for all of his misdeeds in life, especially to his mother

    What do you guys think?

  • #2
    To be fair, I thought your last character had a good core concept. The chufa around that core concept needed work, sure, but there were still some good ideas there.

    What does your Storyteller think? Tell us. Do they like it? Do they hate it? What about it do they hate? What do you do need help with, conceptually, to make the character workable?


    This is what happens when an Abyssal Exalted ends up in H.o.L.
    (Also known as "Derpwraith" and "PretentiousFontsGuy
    ").

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Nazfool View Post
      To be fair, I thought your last character had a good core concept. The chufa around that core concept needed work, sure, but there were still some good ideas there.

      What does your Storyteller think? Tell us. Do they like it? Do they hate it? What about it do they hate? What do you do need help with, conceptually, to make the character workable?
      ​I don't have a group or the game yet. This a prototype character I might use if I get the 20th edition when it comes out. I want to know if his goal, which is gaining forgiveness for all of his misdeeds, would be a passion . Also, would his expertise in mechanics be useful in-game?
      Last edited by Killerclown; 02-17-2017, 01:59 PM.

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      • #4
        Very James Dean.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Ajax View Post
          Very James Dean.
          ​Is that bad? Also, my brother basically said he is a greaser ghost.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Killerclown View Post

            ​Is that bad? Also, my brother basically said he is a greaser ghost.
            I guess the question is "Is that a bad thing as far as your concerned?"

            Because, he's SO James Dean. I feel an East of Eden, Rebel Without A Cause toothache with it's James Dean-ish-ness....

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Ajax View Post

              I guess the question is "Is that a bad thing as far as your concerned?"

              Because, he's SO James Dean. I feel an East of Eden, Rebel Without A Cause toothache with it's James Dean-ish-ness....
              ​Good point. No, I do not mind the James Dean greaser feel. In fact, that is what I was aiming for. I could expand his backstory for you if you want. Also, would it be weird to have him start off in his mother's old house still haunting it after 48 years?

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              • #8
                Well... Hmmm.... What has he been DOING for 48 years? What about all the rest of the wraiths in LA? How does he articulate with the Big Three (Hierarchy/Heretics/Renegades)? Who does he hang out with? How does he eat (e.g. get Pathos)?

                Sitting there watch him mom grow old, die (and she was probably a Fetter if he went RIGHT to her after death, so..... Harrowed), sit around, watch his other Fetters falter,, watch folks move in and out, the water stain spread across the ceiling and so on.

                As you've set this up. this guy has been dead about twice as long as he's been alive. So the story before he died is really on the first part of the book of his existence...

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Ajax View Post
                  Well... Hmmm.... What has he been DOING for 48 years? What about all the rest of the wraiths in LA? How does he articulate with the Big Three (Hierarchy/Heretics/Renegades)? Who does he hang out with? How does he eat (e.g. get Pathos)?

                  Sitting there watch him mom grow old, die (and she was probably a Fetter if he went RIGHT to her after death, so..... Harrowed), sit around, watch his other Fetters falter,, watch folks move in and out, the water stain spread across the ceiling and so on.

                  As you've set this up. this guy has been dead about twice as long as he's been alive. So the story before he died is really on the first part of the book of his existence...
                  ​Well, one of his friends could be a Emerald Legionnaire named Alfred, a rancher who was trampled by his cattle, who helped him get his way through the Land of the Dead and could be a second father to him. He would probably reluctantly listen to the Hierarchy or get soulforged. He might've been kinda rebellious in life but he won't risk that fate in death. I could see him hanging out with Renegades and possibly Heretics. I wonder what other fetters he would have?

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Killerclown View Post

                    ​Well, one of his friends could be a Emerald Legionnaire named Alfred, a rancher who was trampled by his cattle, who helped him get his way through the Land of the Dead and could be a second father to him. He would probably reluctantly listen to the Hierarchy or get soulforged. He might've been kinda rebellious in life but he won't risk that fate in death. I could see him hanging out with Renegades and possibly Heretics. I wonder what other fetters he would have?
                    Well, his mom seems like one, which makes the 50 years a ghost suck, because she's very likely dead or soon to be dead. The ex-girlfriend (still alive but fairly old herself). The enemy. The wrecked car or some part of it. The road where the final race took place. The usuals like his gravesite or some other really imporant thing you haven't picked out yet. For some reason his ex's firstborn child, born nine months after the night before she betrayed him...

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Ajax View Post

                      Well, his mom seems like one, which makes the 50 years a ghost suck, because she's very likely dead or soon to be dead. The ex-girlfriend (still alive but fairly old herself). The enemy. The wrecked car or some part of it. The road where the final race took place. The usuals like his gravesite or some other really imporant thing you haven't picked out yet. For some reason his ex's firstborn child, born nine months after the night before she betrayed him...
                      ​Most of these Fetters are good. I was also thinking of making the road part of a urban legend called " Heartbreak Road." Basically, the legend states that scorned lovers have been known to die on the road. Starting with a Spanish settler and with the most recent victim being my character. Also, his shadow will be a exaggerated version of his rebellious self.

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                      • #12
                        That might not help HIM out so much. Unless someone keeps alive the memory of those who die.... urban legends or the like. Then it's Memoriam.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Ajax View Post
                          That might not help HIM out so much. Unless someone keeps alive the memory of those who die.... urban legends or the like. Then it's Memoriam.
                          ​So, he could be using the urban legend to be remembered? Also, what do you think of his shadow being a even more rebellious and angry version of himself when he was alive. Would his mechanical knowledge be useful in The Underworld?

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Killerclown View Post

                            ​Most of these Fetters are good. I was also thinking of making the road part of a urban legend called " Heartbreak Road." Basically, the legend states that scorned lovers have been known to die on the road. Starting with a Spanish settler and with the most recent victim being my character. Also, his shadow will be a exaggerated version of his rebellious self.
                            There was an interesting creepypasta about a cliffside road that 'lured' people to their deaths at night. The Never Ending Road. You just have to come up with a reason why it took dozens of wrecks before anyone investigated, or why it hasn't been fixed.

                            Also, regarding his mechanical knowledge. It's still useful if he does a lot of cross-Shroud work. Probably a good background for an Artificer, too. You could also translate it into a talent for working with mechanical relics.


                            Mage: The Ice-ension: An Epic Game of Reality on the Rink

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Ramnesis View Post

                              There was an interesting creepypasta about a cliffside road that 'lured' people to their deaths at night. The Never Ending Road. You just have to come up with a reason why it took dozens of wrecks before anyone investigated, or why it hasn't been fixed.

                              Also, regarding his mechanical knowledge. It's still useful if he does a lot of cross-Shroud work. Probably a good background for an Artificer, too. You could also translate it into a talent for working with mechanical relics.
                              ​Perhaps most people think Heartbreak Road is just a urban legend and all the deaths are just a coincidence? Also, what supernatural would really investigate a Urban Legend that seems to be true? What do you think of the whole James Dean feel my character has?

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