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  • Phaolan
    replied
    p 211, last para of first column – the “(a)” and “(b)” are, um… odd? They don’t match anything else that’s in the book…
    p 213, first para – “small, local circles” should be capitalized “Circles”
    p 213, second para – “forced many circles” should be capitalized “Circles”
    p 216, first full para of second column – “lose public trust, guild leaders” should be capitalized “Guild”
    p 216, last para of second column – “and the guild splintered” should be capitalized “Guild”
    p 217, first para of first column – “two of the guilds” should be capitalized “Guilds”
    p 217, second column under Plasm Exchange – “System” heading should be in bold
    p 218, fifth full para (not counting the “success chart”) – “any time before the suspended power expires” should have capitalized “Suspended” to match the rest of the art’s description
    …same – “If the suspended power” should be capitalized “Suspended”
    p 219, last para of second column – the arts’ nomenclature of “Modern” and “Ancient” needs attention to be “Common” and “Initiate”
    …same – Weather Eye is a Common art, Enshroud is an Initiate art, Phantom Wings is a Common art. Flicker is a Common art, Turn the Anemoi’s Wrath is an Initiate art, and Tempest-Eiders Canceleer is an Initiate art
    p 222, second full para of second column – “apologies a wraith gives after their Shadow lures them” should have BOTH pronouns changed to “his” and “him” respectively to match the rest of the paragraph
    p 222, fourth full para of second column – you’ll want semicolons after the colon, to read: “nightmare shadowplays end: the ultimate destruction of the wraith; the devastation and loss of one of his Passions or Fetters; or, if the wraith demonstrates sufficient courage and ingenuity, escape.”
    p 224, second para of sidebar in second column – “by Thorn and die rolls” should be “dice rolls”
    p 225, second full para of first column – capitalize the first word in the quote “are you sure you want…”
    …same – end that quote (from above) with a question mark
    …same – “long way towards” should be “toward”
    p 225, first para of second column – “Shadows are interested in seeing the player fail” is not correct… should be “the character” or “the wraith”
    p 225, last full para of second column – “can make for a richer experience for both and the rest of the group” would be better as “for both players and the rest”
    p 226, fourth full para of first column – “make the player uncomfortable then the Shadow should” could use a comma, “uncomfortable, then”
    p 226, first para of second column – “happens afterwards” should be “afterward”
    p 227, second para of first column – “And that means that” would read better as “And this means”
    p 229, second para of second column – “screaming at you for nor having” should be “not having”
    p 230, last full para of first column – “carrying a round with her” should be “around” unless she can SHOOT an Angst? Um, I’m being silly…
    p 230, end of third full para of second column – “keeps life interesting” should be get some attention since we’re all ghosts here… maybe “life (after death) interesting”
    p 231, second full para of first column – “threaten a wraith ‘s very existence” needs that apostrophe and “s” fixed
    p 231, first column, first three Thorns – Is it somehow possible to make it clear that Spectre Prestige, Dark Allies, and Tainted Relic act like Background Traits for a Shadow? I mean, I did figure it out, but it’s not terrible clear on first reading…
    p 231, fourth full para of second column – “this Thorn ‘s effects” needs a fix on that apostrophe…
    p 232, first full para of first column – “of a Nihil,otherwise” needs a space…
    p 233, first full para of first column – the Shadow “quotes” would work better in quotation marks than italics as you have them, if only because the eye can blend those two together very easily in italics with only one word between them…
    p 233, last full para of first column – “stays within the wraith ‘s consciousness” needs a fix on that apostrophe, too
    p 234, top of first column – the paragraph break between “number of” and “Angst points” is not correct
    p 234, second para under Example of Shadow Creation in first column – “control Robin ‘s Shadow” needs an apostrophe fix
    p 234, top of second column – paragraph break between “how heavily” and “Robin relies” needs to be fixed
    p 234, just down from the above (LOOKs like second para of second column) – “Annys docs this” should be “does this” I think…
    p 235, fourth para of first column – Is there any way to “punch up” this note? Maybe you can add “see Shadow-dominated use of Arcanoi, below” to this to give it more impact?
    p 236, second para of first column – this “reward for good roleplay” is vague… What doe this look like? Atonement? Penance? Self-flagellation? Much later in the book when you offer a similar thing for a Spectre dealing with such things, it’s easier to see, but for Angst there are a LOT more words about what a player can do get her character more of it; there’s almost nothing about how a player can show getting rid of it…
    p 238, second full para of second column – “still playing Wraith” should have the game’s title in bold
    p 239, third para of first column – “as one of this friend’s expense” should be “friends’ expense” I think…
    …same – “be around Leo right now and he announces” needs a comma, “right now, and he”
    p 240, second para of second column – “afraid of the potential loss of self Transcendence might entail” is an awkward wording, might be better as “afraid of what the potential loss of self to Transcendence”
    p 241, first para of sidebar in second column – “efforts bent towards” should be “toward”
    p 242, third “set” in sidebar at top – the “A:” is not in bold
    p 244, second full para of first column – “to their current Intelligence rating” is odd… did the wraith lose Intelligence in the Harrowing? Am I missing something?
    p 247, first para of second column – “makes a move towards the windows” should be “toward”
    p 248, third full para of first column – “at speed towards” should be “toward”
    p 248, fourth para of first column – “If that’s thecase” needs a space
    p 259, last full para of first column – “first step towards” should be “toward”
    p 261, second para of first column – “a long way towards” should be “toward”
    p 262, first para of second column – “a long way towards” should (again) be “toward”
    p 263, in sidebar of first column – “a long way towards” should be (yet again) “toward”
    p 265, second full para of first column – “a long way towards” should be “toward”
    p 267, first para of first column – “a long way towards” should be “toward”
    p 275, first para (after sidebar) of first column – “to your Campaign” should not be capitalized… in fact, “chronicle” would be better all around
    p 275, last para of first column – “best laid Chronicles” does not need be capitalized
    p 276, first para of second column – “progress towards” should be “toward”
    p 276, last para of second column – “flip side of this is avoiding rush” would be better as “to avoid rushing”
    p 277, fourth para of first column – “goes a long way towards” should be “toward”
    p 280, second para of first column – “goes a long way towards” should be “toward”
    p 280, fourth full para of second column – “while over 10 Corpus” can’t be right… should that be “over 10 Pathos” to match the previous sentence?
    p 280, last full para of second column – “more mercenary harvesters” should be capitalized “Harvesters”
    p 315, last full para of second column – “misunderstandings amongst players” should be “among”
    p 326, second para under heading Combat in first column – “should occur amongst characters” should be “among”
    p 344, last para of second column – “terrifying, sardonic and even pathetic” needs a comma, “sardonic, and even”
    p 346, sixth para of first column – “often slip amongst” should be “among”
    p 348, second column under Lifesight heading – paragraph break between “twisting of” and “information gleaned” is not correct
    …same – the bullet-point indents for paragraph starting “Rolls relating to” needs fixed
    p 349, under heading for Rapacity – should all of those paragraphs be bullet-pointed like the first one?

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  • Phaolan
    replied
    p 144, second column, second para under Notoriety – “how much he is talked about and what expectations” needs a comma, “talked about, and what expectations”
    …same – “project hopes and grievances onto him and demand” needs a comma, “onto him, and demand”
    p 146, first para of sidebar – “Status in a given guild” should be capitalized “Guild”
    …same “grants limited access to the guild” should be capitalized “Guild”
    …same – “arts of two other guilds” should be capitalized “Guilds”
    p 149, last para of first column – “rating with an attribute” should be capitalized “Attribute”
    p 149, first para of sidebar in second column – “use only two attributes” should be capitalized “Attributes”
    …same – “there are attributes from” should be capitalized “Attributes”
    p 149, second para of sidebar in second column – “by using attributes drawn” should be capitalized “Attributes”
    …same – “on only two attributes” should be capitalized “Attributes”
    p 150, last para of second column – first mention of “Circuit Riders” faction should be in italics
    …same – first mention of “Anemographers” faction should be in italics
    p 150 first para of first column – first mention of “Privateers” faction should be in intalics
    …same – first mention of “Emissaries” faction should be in itlaics
    p 152, third para of first column – after parenthetical and comma, “though, again, Phantom Wings” does not need first comma, should read: “though again, Phantom Wings”
    p 153, under Maitr apres Dieu – the word “System” needs to be in bold
    p 154, second para of first column – not sure why “the Devil’s Dialectic” is in italics here…
    p 154, first para of second column – “for she either creates it herself… (or, more rarely…)” should not have “either” and “or” separated by a parenthesis
    …same – “or, more rarely, gets if from” does not need that first comma
    p 158, first para of first column – “Dictum Mortuum” needs to be in italics
    p 159, first full para – “the guild has struggled” should be capitalized “Guild”
    p 159, fifth full para – “Within the guild, Pardoners” should be capital “Guild”
    p 163, first full para of first column – “reinvigorating the guild” should be capitalized “Guild”
    p 163, second full para of first column – “The guild offers a network” should be capitalized “Guild”
    p 163, fourth full para of first column – “their visions towards Oblivion” should be “toward”
    p 163, last para of first column – “visions which trickle in” should be “visions that”
    p 163, first para of second column – “For much of the guild” should be capitalized “Guild”
    p 164, second para of second column – “proactive oracles to move” should be capitalized “Oracles”
    p 166, third full para of first column – “general sense of every other” would be better as “each other” to highlight individuality…
    p 168, second para of first column – “relationships between” should be “shared among” as it refers to interactions of four different concepts…
    p 169, under the “System” for Non-Euclidean Geometry – at the bottom of the first column, it says that the rating improves “by one point for one scene per success” BUT at the top of the second column it says “the effect’s full strength lasts for one day per success” and it “dissipates at a rate of one point of improvement per day…” Is this a contradiction or am I missing something here?
    p 171, second full para of first column – “may resist with Willpower” isn’t clear if that’s SPENDING Willpower or ROLLING Willpower…
    p 172, second full para of second column – “the guild enjoyed a strong symbiosis” should be capitalized “Guild”
    p 174, first para of second column – “his soak dice pools and he can soak” needs a comma, “dice pools, and he can”
    p 176, first para of first column – “only monstrous programmed obsessions remain” may need a comma and read: “monstrous, programmed” to make better sense?
    p 177, first full para – “emboldened guild saw a chance” should be capitalized “Guild”
    p 177, second full para – “may have been the guilds” should be capitalized “Guilds”
    p 177, fourth full para – faction name “Spoke of Leo” should be in italics
    …same – faction name “Spoke of Aries” should be in italics
    …same – faction name “Spoke of Capricorn” should be in italics
    …same – faction name “Spoke of Taurus” should be in italics
    …same – faction name “Spoke of Pisces” should be in italics
    p 178, first para of first column – “on fellow guildwraiths” should be capitalized “Guildwraiths”
    p 178, second para of second column – “strength of desire Supress can remove” should be “Excise”
    p 179, first full para of first column – “reveals the target’s Archetype” should likely read: “target’s Nature Archetype”
    p 181, first para of second column – “or small circles” could be capitalized to “Circles”
    p 182, last para of first column – where it reads “the system” you want the semicolon inside the quotation marks… even as that looks all kinds of goofy, I know!
    p 182, first para of second column – “cycle between several factions” would be better as “cycle through”
    p 190, third para of first column – “shattered the guild” should be capitalized “Guild”
    p 190, last para of first column– “a return to the guild’s origins” should be capitalized “Guild’s”
    p 191, last para of first column – “later ensured the guild’s continuity” should be capitalized “Guild’s”
    …same – “the Mnemos applies, them, this can” has too many commas; better as “Mnemos applies them, this can”
    …same – “can effect knowledge transfer” should be “affect”
    p 191, second para of second column – “target’s Shadow and the Mnemos’ own Shadow each gain 1 temporary Angst” may read better if the word “each” were also in italics?
    p 193, second para of first column – “dots of other traits” should be capitalized “Traits”
    p 195, third para of first column – “examples include” list does not need semicolons as commas work fine here despite the conjunctions, I think; “include: a notable scar or tattoo, a snaggle tooth, an oddly shaped finger, or a nose that was broken and set badly…”
    pp 196 and 197 – under Sculpt (on page 196) it says: “cannot… create additional or alternate sensory organs. To do that requires Panoply of Eyes…” BUT on page 197 (third full para), we read: “Additional sensory organs created by Moliate are fully functional…” So, should that paragraph on p 197 go somewhere else, like in a sidebar?
    p 197, seventh full para of second column – “The most common use of this art” is over-indented
    p 199, second full para of second column – “breakaway Haunter sect . Early” needs some attention to spacing
    p 200, first full para of first column – should the “Commission of Five” be in italics as a Faction?
    p 200, second full para of first column – faction name “Lifeliners” should be in italics
    …same – faction name “Mementomorians” should be in italics
    …same – faction name “Shroudbreakers” should be in italics
    …same – faction name “Gray Gangs” should be in italics
    …same – “more sensitive guild activities” could be capitalized “Guild”
    p 200, first full para of second column – (in parenthetical) “of which the guild has several” should be capitalized “Guild”
    p 200, second column under Stonehand Punch – “System” should be in bold
    p 204, first para of first column – “alliances were tenuous and the War of the Guilds” needs comma, “tenuous, and War”
    p 208, first para of first column – “this shifting lands of dream” should read: “shifting land of dreams”
    p 208, first full para of second column – “coalesced into circles” should be capitalized “Circles”
    p 211, first full para of first column – there’s no reason for “e.g.” in parenthetical to be in italics
    p 211, third full para of first column – the parenthetical “(see below)” should read “(see above)” for obvious reasons

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  • Phaolan
    replied
    p 68, first full para of first column – “bent towards this end” should be “toward”
    p 68, second full para of first column – “end up as thralls” should be capitalized “Thralls”
    p 68, last para of first column – “is this: the Ferrymen” should be capitalized after colon, “is this: The Ferrymen”
    …same – “aware the Charon” should be “that Charon”
    p 70, first full para of second column – after the parenthetical and subsequent comma, “and, at its best” does not need the comma, can be “and at its best”
    p 70, in second column in entry for “Legionnaire” – “action, and, in general, perform” does not need one of those commas, making it “action, and in general, perform”
    p 71, first para of first column – in parenthetical, “corresponding centurions ” should be capitalized “Centurions”
    p 71, in first column under entry for “Overlord” – “An Anacreon’s overlords” should be capitalized “Overlords”
    …same – “more than one overlord” should be capital “Overlord”
    p 71, last full para of first column – “Comprised of wraiths” should be “Composed” BUT I only mention this because the same page’s sidebar gets the wording right in all eight entries…
    p 73, last para of second column – “may become Inspector Generals” should be (I think) “Inspectors General” since they are inspectors RATHER than generals…
    …same – “siphoning off thralls” should be capital “Thralls”
    …same – “These Inspector Generals” should be “Inspectors General” (see above…)
    p 74, first para of first column – “Inspector Generals have” should be “Inspectors General” (I’m a pedant to my very core!)
    p 74, third para of first column – “hard-luck wraiths and those who have fallen trough the cracks” needs a comma, “wraiths, and those who”
    p 74, fifth para of second column – “since The Smiling Lord” should read “the Smiling Lord”
    p 76, last para of first column – the passage “the Lady of Fate, along with her council of Ladies, do not make” could be made clearer with dashes, thus: “the Lady of Fate – along with her council of Ladies – does not make”
    …same – “Instead, they claim residence” would become (after the previous fix), “they all claim”
    p 77, first para of second column – “members of fate’s civic government” should be “Fate’s” to match
    p 78, first full para of first column – “known as The Storm of Night” should read: “the Storm of Night”
    p 78. last para of second column (before sidebar) – “female soldiers, The Storm Maidens” should read: “soldiers, the Storm Maidens”
    …same – “come from The Storm of Night” should read: “from the Storm of Night”
    p 79, in the sidebar of second column – “across a battlefield towards an enemy” should be “toward”
    p 82, second para of sidebar in first column – “appointed Hiram as The Master Scribe” should read: “as the Master Scribe”
    p 84, first para of first column – “as much as possible, Grim Legionnaires believe” should have a semicolon and read: “as possible; Grim Legionnaires believe”
    p 85, first para of first column – “the moral shell but the deeper-seated” needs a comma, “shell, but the deeper-seated”
    p 86, second full para of first column – “chronically under-equipped but its officers compensate” needs a comma, “under-equipped, but its officers”
    …same – “to rehabilitate them as cadre for its unseasoned troops” is, um… weird? I’m not sure “cadre” is the word you want here
    p 86, second para of second column – “or onward towards the boundaries” should be “toward”
    p 86, last para of second column – “the Underworld was if anything more confounding” could use commas and read: “the Underworld was, if anything, more confounding”
    p 87, second para of second column – “show predilections towards manifesting” should be “toward”
    p 88, second full para of first column – “wiped out amidst the Republic’s manipulations” should be “amid”
    p 89, second full para of first column – “their passion towards building” should be “toward”
    p 89, third full para of first column – “who wanted fetters strengthened” should be capital “Fetters”
    p 91, first full para of second column – “power structures: who’s in charge” should be capitalized after colon, reading: “structures: Who’s in charge”
    p 92, in sidebar of second column – it may make reading easier if the “list” were bullet-pointed, allowing the eye to see that these are the THREE POINTS in the compact
    p 95, first para of first column – “what happened: is he” should be capitalized after colon, reading: “what happened: Is he”
    …same – after that same colon, you can make each clause a full sentence with question mark…
    p 106, first full para of first column – you do not need the colon at the end, as “The following advice” does the same thing that a colon will…
    p 106, last full para of second column – “topics to not be addressed” is painful wording; better would be “topics not to be addressed”
    ...Note: I’m NOT a stickler about split infinitives, but THAT wording shows a great example of how something makes sense inside a writer’s head while being a HUGE mess on a page!
    p 107, third para of second column – you can make the questions after “three questions” line into full sentences with question marks… and that would make it a LOT easier to see them as, you know, three questions?
    p 107, second column, entry for “Artist” – “maybe somene’s intent” should be “someone’s”
    p 110, in second column – there are entries here for Archetypes Eye of the Storm and for Pedagogue BUT they do NOT show up in Chapter 5!
    p 111, first para of first column (after sidebar) – “pleasing you look and your ability to think on your feet” needs a comma, “you look, and your ability”
    p 111, first full para (not a bullet-point) in second column – “five additional dots and your tertiary” needs a comma, “additional dots, and your tertiary”
    p 115, first para of second column – “Any Trait can be increased using freebies” is, um… wrong? The sidebar clearly states that Corpus CANNOT be raised thus (did I mention being pedantic?)
    p 117, last para of first column – “instead leans towards” should be “toward”
    p 120, first full para of first column – “something strongly towards them” should be “toward”
    p 121, first para of second column – “a long way towards” should be “toward”
    p 125, second para of first column – “character’s traits” should be maybe capitalized “Traits”
    p 126, first para of second column – “and put towards” should be “toward”
    p 128, fourth para of second column (entry for Jester) – “unflagging goof humor” might be correct, but “good humor” sounds better…
    p 129, third para of second column (entry for Scientist) – “methodical, because the consequences” should not have a comma as it’s a necessary continuation of the idea
    p 130, first para of second column – “descriptors of a wraith, and affect all” does not need that comma, BUT it would be better with an added word to read: “of a wraith, and they affect”
    p 131, first column under Dexterity – “large motor skills” would be better as “gross motor skills” as that’s how they are generally termed (fine and gross, that is)
    p 131, second column under Social Attributes – “Social attributes are useful” should be capitalized as “Social Attributes”
    p 133, TOP of first column, after “Specialties” – “Bodyguarding. Ambushes, Crouds” should have a comma rather than a period
    p 134, first column, after “Specialties” under Expression – “Rabble-Rousing, The Dozens” should read: “the Dozens”
    p 139, second column, after “Specialties” under Occult – “Channeling, The Underworld, the Labyrinth” should read: “the Underworld”
    p 140, first column, second para under Technology – “the Technology knowledge” should be capitalized “Knowledge”
    p 142, first column, second para under Artifact – “more than once with each purchase” should have a comma, reading “more than once, with each”
    p 144, first column, first para under Mentor – “sometime a teacher” should be “sometimes”
    p 144, second column, in the bullet-points that go with Memoriam – “None: You lived” needs to be indented to match the rest
    p 144, second column, in the bullet-points that go with Memoriam – “[three dots] A stretch of highway is named after you, or perhaps a beloved local park…” Isn’t this a Legacy instead?

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  • Phaolan
    replied
    p 17 – Each of the “chapter summaries” (except for “Chapter 13: The Dark Kingdoms” and “Appendix: Orpheus”) need a period at the end
    p 17, second para of second column (“Chapter 11: The Risen”) – “storytelling” should be capitalized
    p 17, last full para of second column – “and storytellers don’t railroad players” should be capitalized “Storytellers”
    p 18, third full para of first column – “called The Shadow” should be “the Shadow” (capitalization)
    p 18, last para of first column – “how’d they react” would be better “how they’d react”
    p 18, fourth para of second column – “old newspaper clippings and more” needs a comma, “clippings, and more”
    p 19, first full para of first column – “variation on the Wraith experience” needs to have the game name in bold
    p 19, last full para of first column – “collectively called The Underworld” should be “the Underworld” (capitalization)
    p 20, third para of first column – “better that the visible alternative” should be “than”
    p 21, third full para of first column – “and who knows the wraith’s darkests secrets” would be better as “and it knows” since your wording makes it look like a question?
    p 22, second column entry for “Oblivion” – “hunger of Entropy” should be lower case “entropy” (It’s not a Mage Sphere, is it?)
    …same – “The Great Unmaking” should start lower case “the Great Unmaking
    p 23, first column entry for “Stygia” – needs a period at the end
    p 25, first para of second column – “of the pop charts and the name” needs a comma, “charts, and the name”
    p 26, last para of second column – “into shadow-eaten Spectres” should be capitalized “Shadow-Eaten”
    p 28, first para of first column – “pull of the void” could be capital “the Void” to match?
    p 28, last para of first column (before sidebar) – “exploring the great river” might be better as capitalized “Great River” I think…
    p 28, last full para of second column – “who still had fetters” should be capital “Fetters”
    p 30, last full para of first column – “mete out judgment and to decide” needs a comma, “judgment, and to decide”
    p 31, first full para of first column – “Iberia and Egypt” needs a comma, “Iberia, and Egypt”
    p 31, first full para of second column (after sidebar) – “destruction, hatred and the siren call” needs a comma, “hatred, and the siren call”
    p 31, last full para of second column – “to defend Stygia and the Ferrymen took up arms” needs a comma between independent clauses, “defend Stygia, and the Ferrymen”
    p 34, fourth para of first column – “wraiths called thralls” should be capital “Thralls” I think…
    p 34, last full para of second column (before sidebar) – “entered the Land of the Dead” uses a capitalization that does not appear the same way before this… “land of the dead” fits better
    p 35, first full para of first column – “threat to himself and his hierarchy” could be capitalized “Hierarchy” since it is referring to THE Hierarchy, right?
    p 35, first para of second column – “those in their care and no longer standing against Oblivion” needs a comma, “in their care, and no longer standing”
    p 37, last para of second column – “Heretic, Renegade and whatever foul trash” needs a comma, “Renegade, and whatever”
    p 39, last para of second column – “on the working class and destruction” needs a comma, “working class, and destruction”
    p 40, first full para of first column – “and any other that would” should be plural “others”
    p 40, first full para of second column – “to the great City” needs to be EITHER “Great City” OR “great city”
    p 41, last para of first column – “challenged the Malfean and attacked” needs a comma, “Malfean, and attacked”
    p 42, last para of first column – “amoral reapers called Harvesters” should be capital “Reapers”
    p 44, first para of first column – “delicately crafting ring” needs to be “crafted” (BUT I looooove this imagery!)
    p 44, second full para of second column – “relics and Artifacts” needs capital “Relics” since it’s the start of a sentence
    p 44, last para of second column – “soulforged items, It is” needs lower case “it”
    p 47, last para of first column – “is that thralls are souls” should be capital “Thralls”
    …same – “then sell as thralls” should be “Thralls”
    p 47, last para of first column – “into a thrall” should be “Thrall”
    p 47, first para of second column (after sidebar) – “thralls are picked” should be “Thralls”
    p 47, first full para of second column (after sidebar) – “Most thralls are” should be “Thralls”
    …same – “to near drones” should be “Drones”
    …same – “for new thralls” should be “Thralls”
    p 47, second full para of second column (after sidebar) – “few instances. coffles” should be a comma rather than a period
    …same – “of thralls have” should be “Thralls”
    …same – “chattel slavery thralldom” should be “Thralldom”
    p 47, fifth full para of second column (after sidebar) – “precious Relics” should be lower case “relics”
    …same – “or even Relics” should be lower case “relics”
    p 49, first full para of first column – “does so at their own risk” should be “at her own risk” to match the pronoun in this and the previous paragraphs
    p 51, second full para of second column – (already in quotes) “it’s halfway up the hill” should be capitalized “It’s” as this is a full statement
    NOTE: I’m willing to let a LOT of other quotes be more “loosey-goosey”
    p 55, fourth para of first column – “and other general crisis” might be better as “crises” I think…
    p 55, first para of second column – “authority between the current harbormaster” should be “among” since this is something shared with more than two entities…
    p 57, third para of second column – “Book of Revelations” is, in fact, the Book of Revelation (singular… for all the stuff in that thing, it’s an easy mistake that I’ve made often enough to find it necessary to correct)
    p 59, first para of first column – “the Legion’s castigators” should be capitalized “Castigators” to match the Arcanos’ name
    p 61, fourth para of first column – “high-ranking Hierarchs and Heretics pass” needs a comma, “Hierarchs, and Heretics” between independent clauses
    p 61, first para of second column – “in the Shadowlands. usually overlaying” should be a comma rather than a period
    p 62, second para of first column – “and where here real loyalties must lie” should be “her real loyalties”
    p 62, first full para of second column – “amongst warehouses” should be “among”
    p 63, last full para of second column – “Eiffel Tower and more” needs a comma, “Tower, and more”
    p 64, last para of first column – in the parentheses, change “shown here. When questioned” to a semicolon, “shown here; when questioned”
    …same – at the end of the parenthetical, change period to exclamation mark so it looks like: …we got work to do!”)
    p 65, first full para of first column – “satellite citadels” should be capitalized “Citadels”
    p 65, second full para of first column – “arrangement of citadels” should be capitalized “Citadels”
    …same – “her efforts towards directing” should be “toward”
    p 65, first column under “Ranks within a Necropolis” – the entry for “Chancellors” does not match the others’ indentation
    p 65, first para of second column – “align with it, Those whose” needs a period rather than comma, “with it. Those whose”
    p 66, first para of first column – “Some are cults are personality” should be “cults of personality”
    p 66, first para of second column – “notion of a Renegade council” might be better as capitalized “Renegade Council” as that sounds all kinds of evocative?
    p 67, first full para of second column (under sidebar) – “from amongst the poor” should be “among”

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  • RichT
    replied
    Originally posted by Tau Neutrino View Post

    "dyad" means having two parts, the Psyche and Shadow, as opposed to the four parts of African ghosts.
    You are no doubt correct, but this is an errata thread so please only post errata, no answers or explanations. Thanks!

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  • Tau Neutrino
    replied
    Originally posted by MMSPR View Post
    page 466 left column: "And in the European hells, time is not to be wasted, for as long an African wraith remains outside the Bush of Ghosts, his very soul mutates into the dyad soul of a Stygian wraith...." = the word 'dyad' is presumably the word 'dead' misspelled. I would also insert the word as to create the phrase 'as long as'
    "dyad" means having two parts, the Psyche and Shadow, as opposed to the four parts of African ghosts.

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  • MMSPR
    replied
    On the "All Arcanoi use only two attributes" thread...

    It's a really great idea that simplifies the game. I love it! Any chance of "All Arcanoi" applying to Dark Arcanoi, Risen Arcanoi, Jade Arcanoi, Behest, Displace, and Connaissance?

    Leave a comment:


  • MMSPR
    replied
    Last thing:
    The Orpheus description is surprisingly good. I ran it years ago and vowed "never again". The story was delightful but the system was a headache. This was a surprisingly good write-up, far better than expected, and well integrated. Bravo! I'm actually interested in running this version and already making plans.

    Any chance of an Orpheus character sheet? They have sufficient differences that I feel compelled to ask.

    Leave a comment:


  • MMSPR
    replied
    The Sea Which Knows No Sun was left out. I find this most curious considering who wrote up the original description in the Player's Guide. Speaking as someone who lived in Papua New Guinea at one point, I appreciated that chapter quite a bit and feel saddened that it got left on the cutting room floor. Is there any way that it can be squeezed in there?

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  • MMSPR
    replied
    Connaissance is repeatedly referred to in reference to Les Invisbles.

    Please please please please include this one Arcanos that got left out

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  • MMSPR
    replied
    page 461, left column
    The Arts of Returning the Favor & Mint Money each have two descriptive paragraphs that are remarkably redundant

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  • MMSPR
    replied
    On page 339 relic firearms are stated as needing a point of Pathos to activate them for a scene.
    On page 428 Soulfire and Souled weapons require Pathos per bullet.

    Is this a mistake, or is the difference between using your own Pathos, which charges the gun for a scene, and a Pathos crystal, which charges the gun for a single shot?

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  • MMSPR
    replied
    On page 417 the effects of various Arcanoi on non-wraiths is given, but the Forbidden Three aren't listed. Intimation, in particular, seems decidedly needed.

    Leave a comment:


  • MMSPR
    replied
    On page 399 it says "...every use of an Arcanos besides Fascinate or Serendipity gains the user an additional point of Angst."

    Whoa!

    Does this need to be rephrased?

    I assume that means "Every time an Arcanos other than Fascinate or Serendipity gives Angst, it gives the Risen an additional point of Angst." Otherwise you'd rack up 10 permanent Angst from innocuous level one arts in no time.

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  • MMSPR
    replied
    Doomslayers: Into the Labyrinth says on page 55 that a Wraith using Dark Arcanoi spends pathos instead of Angst. Might we put that little tidbit in the Dark Arcanoi section?

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