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the brotherhood of immortals new org by amer my 1st group

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  • the brotherhood of immortals new org by amer my 1st group

    a long time ago there was men who wanted to live forever they looked and looked for decades but to no avel then one day they found and baby that survived being brunt alive by barbarians 1 day they rescued the baby then droped him off a cliff they went down the cliff and found the baby still alive after that they took some of he blood and put it in there bodys and thransfrome into semi immortals but it was inpure immortalty instead they sometimes died sometimes lived and it took more blood to stop ageing but also keep you at your prime the baby now an man became there leder and wanted to rule the world
    ​endowment revefy but no stamina cost otherwise the same
    Last edited by Ameraaaaaa; 07-11-2017, 02:36 AM.

  • #2
    lost light now we both make hunter groups

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    • #3
      Sounds like an interesting rival to the Vamp covens. Any idea who some of their chief enemies would be? How might they view some of the independant splats from immortals. Would they be kindred spirits or annoying enemies?

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      • #4
        well they hate the Invictus vanp coven the most and the immortals tend to be seen as wrothy rivals

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Ameraaaaaa View Post
          a long time ago there was men who wanted to live forever they looked and looked for decades but to no avel then one day they found and baby that survived being brunt alive by barbarians 1 day they rescued the baby then droped him off a cliff they went down the cliff and found the baby still alive after that they took some of he blood and put it in there bodys and thransfrome into semi immortals but it was inpure immortalty instead they sometimes died sometimes lived and it took more blood to stop ageing but also keep you at your prime the baby now an man became there leder and wanted to rule the world more to come
          ​endowment revefy but no stamina cost otherwise the same
          This is basically incoherent.

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          • #6
            now dos anyone think the endowment is op

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            • #7
              now dos anyone think the endowment is op

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              • #8
                ops agein I'm gonna fix this glitch

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                • #9
                  So, all they have is a no-Stamina-cost Revivify? That's not really an Endowment. You could probably model them better as a Mystery cult. If they were a Conspiracy, where is their history, goals, command structure, and reason for the Vigil?


                  Malkydel: "And the Machine dictated; let there be adequate illumination."
                  Yossarian: "And lo, it was optimal."

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                  • #10
                    I just told you ther history in the op
                    there goals to rule the world and make everyone immortals
                    command structure is that the more you do for the vigil the more choces you make the higher up the more of a boss you are but no 1 is a biger boss then the true immortal who leads the conspiracy and hes fellews who discovered him as a kid
                    ​reasom for the vigil is they want to rule and these monsters are in the way

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                    • #11
                      So nobody other then vento has talked about the endowment and really i need imfo about this so criticism is welcome just try to explain to help me know what to do

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                      • #12
                        Ameraaaaaa: I think people just aren't enthusiastic about the current write-up. Try flavoring it up, adding some interesting bits, complexity, and conflict.
                        For me, at least, the concept of a group of immortals plotting world domination is boring (it has been done before, so often it is trite), and why they would really be involved in the Vigil is questionable. Combine that with their one-trick Endowment, and they seem more like an Antagonist group than a PC Conspiracy. They might make a decent source Conspiracy for Deviant, though.

                        Or people are turned away at your posts' general lack of formatting and grammar. I know it isn't easy given your input medium, but someone not being able to quickly read and make sense of a post increases the chance they will just not bother. I get that way with walls of text. Not having even basic punctuation, spelling, and grammar signals to many that the poster just doesn't bother (so why should they). PS4 wasn't really designed around typing, so it doesn't have the degree of tools and correction that most users are used to - you might have to take extra effort to do all the correction yourself before posting (or go back and edit afterwards, if you are focused on just getting your thoughts down immediately).


                        Malkydel: "And the Machine dictated; let there be adequate illumination."
                        Yossarian: "And lo, it was optimal."

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                        • #13
                          I sea understood ok so what about making them a fromer group of alchemists from greminy and maybe more details also is the endowment really that boring i know it only dos one thing but it dos it well so i thought it would be liked but i guess thats how it works well any flavor you can think of maybe there were with the allied forces because there leader ws not ahyen like the nazi thought were superior so thats flavor any more ideas

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                          • #14
                            Hmm. Alchemists seeking immortality is a pretty standard Promethean antagonist. Germans with ties to what happened in World War II is already parallel with the Loyalists of Thule. I'd look elsewhere.

                            Have you seen Netflix's Daredevil (season 2) and Iron Fist (season 1)? Maybe you could tie them into a group like the Hand, except one that has already found their Black Sky long ago (the immortal). Of course, that still makes them more Antagonistic than the Vigil players usually are. Maybe make them closer to the Lucifuge in concept, and make them rebel against a darker purpose (either the PC Conspiracy is rebelling against the core group, or the group itself - immortal included - is defying their purpose). As for a source, maybe a Cthonic God, deep in the Underworld? The group's immortality is part of a pact - death itself rejects them so that they can further their "master's" objective(s). If you wanted to expand upon their abilities (beyond resurrection), you could grant them various deathly, psychopomply, or related abilities. As a risk/counter-balance, actually using them might risk their immortality, as the Underworld God's minions might locate them easier (making the risk closer to a Demon's Compromise).
                            EDIT: Which, admittedly, sounds very close to a Sin-Eater, but does differ on the fine details.

                            Just some ideas. Try researching other historical or mythological attempts at immortality (like Koschei's method) for inspiration. Make your group tangentially related, give them a reason to fight monsters, and see where that takes you.
                            Last edited by Vent0; 07-02-2017, 05:57 PM.


                            Malkydel: "And the Machine dictated; let there be adequate illumination."
                            Yossarian: "And lo, it was optimal."

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              The 2ed idea and 3ed ideas of rebels a gods sound good and endowment idea sounds good as well but now im wered about it being op so might keep the stamina cost to even it out

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