I logged in for the first time in a year solely to give you a like and acknowledge you made me laugh out loud. Well done.

Slightly more seriously, there's two versions of Exalted especially in 2e. There's the Exalted you read about in the lore, the setting detail and the history. And then there's the rules engine. Ideally, most games want to synch the two up so there's minimal disconnect. 2e didn't do an especially good job of that. You will inevitably find ways to break the setting. Try to think of it as a feature rather than a bug....