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[Stupid Loserman]

Unless the rules for a particular contest say that the opponent's successes subtract from yours, the default is that you use the original number of rolled successes to measure effect. The comparison of the two rolls only matters to determine which side wins.

Some contests do make that specification. Dodge rolls, for example, subtract successes from the attacker's total even if the attacker's total is larger than the defender's. But that is not the default.

[Stupid Loserman]

The penalty for lower Humanity is described as follows: "Take a –(whatever) die penalty on any roll to relate to humans." Guidelines are provided on p. 106:

Humanity penalties aren't inflicted by your "actions or appearance" except in the broadest possible interpretation. They're not external or circumstantial, but internal. They're you not being able to relate to the kine as people and therefore not quite getting the right cues. Awe is circumstantial. It lets you break social mores with impunity, but that doesn't mean you know the right words to successfully...