2nd Circle Demon: C'al-Siphar & Soc initiation: Symbiosis of the Burning Heart(PEACH)

[Epee102]

this is great feedback actually, i've been away for a while but till definitely take this into consideration for formatting.

Epee102 I'm currious as to whether or not you ever managed to use one of the first circles in a game and what you thought?

I sadly haven't yet! I...honestly don't recall how they were going to show up at this point. Sorry. I also see I promised to give a mechanical review later and then forgot (-_-'). I'll look at that later this week, after finals pass.

[norraba]

I like this. I like this a lot.
Though I was a bit confused on how they all looked before I saw the pics.
Oh, the intimacies list is cut off partway.
I missed the Breaking the Bond on the first read through, the box is a bit broken on mobile.
Sorry, I'm quite rubbish at feedback.

this is great feedback actually, i've been away for a while but till definitely take this into consideration for formatting.

Epee102 I'm currious as to whether or not you ever managed to use one of the first circles in a game and what you thought?

[imadaman]

I like this. I like this a lot.
Though I was a bit confused on how they all looked before I saw the pics.
Oh, the intimacies list is cut off partway.
I missed the Breaking the Bond on the first read through, the box is a bit broken on mobile.
Sorry, I'm quite rubbish at feedback.

[norraba]

Updated the fiction for c'al siphar with a partial rewrite upon the suggestion of some users over at sufficient velocity exalted mega thread, who thought that the description i gave wasn't in theme enough for a demon, it helped a lot i think but both the old and the new fiction are still on c'al siphars antagonist section

[norraba]

added references and footnotes to all of the homebrew so that people looking over it can get an idea of where i am coming from with all of these

[norraba]

I love both first circles. Very flavorful and might show up in some of my games. I will note that craft fire isn't a thing anymore to my knowledge. More mechanics notes when I'm less pressed for time

Can't tell you how much confidence this gives me seeing that you are one of the main people I see that has done homebrew for demons. Also can't say how satisfying it is to know that people want to use the homebrew I've made in their games.

I got to go out with my wife now, but when I get the chance I'm going to try to put in writers notes with regards to the charms for the two first circle demons like I did for the second circle demon to give reference of where I drew inspiration from.

Edit: also about the craft fire, yea I figured that might be a problem but I saw people talking about craft in another post and how they think dragonblooded might use elemental crafting and I just liked the aesthetic of it, I might hangs it to make it more functional, at least until we get some kind of confirmation on whether or not element based crafting is going to be a thing again for the dragon blooded.

[Epee102]

I love both first circles. Very flavorful and might show up in some of my games. I will note that craft fire isn't a thing anymore to my knowledge. More mechanics notes when I'm less pressed for time

[norraba]

First drafts of all of the demons as well as the sorcerous initiation is completed and would love to get some constructive critique on any part of them, from fiction, to stats, to charms, really want to get these to the best final draft i can so i am open to any suggestions people want to make

[norraba]

Inspiration Image And Video References For C'al-Siphar And Sorcerous Initiation

C'al Siphar's Demon Form After Sybiosis: (1) (2) (3) (4)

C'al Siphar's Demon Form Before Symbiosis: (1) (2) (3) (4)

The Sanctuary Of Paths:
Walking Castle (1) (2)
Airship Castle (1) (2)


Sanctuary Evocations:
Sorcerer and Symbiot performing sorcerous working to change the Sanctuary

http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi1064347161

The Sanctuary's portal doorway (1) (2)


Taking The Demon Form: (1) (2)

[norraba]

Sharar al’Najm¹, The Flames Of Aster
Demons Of The First Circle
Progeny Of The Forger Of Paths

As C'al Siphar forged the Ghurban in the fires of the Forge Of Aster, the sparks that flew into the air with each swing of his hammer gave birth to a demon of their own, and In every way that their brothers resemble their progenitors former self in mind and action, the Sharar resemble that self in form, while having a mind and function akin to those that that their father has adapted after his fall from the heavens. They tell no legends about themselves, they are not so boastful as needing to do all that, they simply know what they are capable of and feel no need to embellish their deeds, and amongst themselves they mark the greatest of their kind by those who have taken part in the creation of the greatest works.

Their thoughts are always on their craft, constantly creating for their citizen masters, or the sorcerer engineers who summon them to creation. However, much like the demon who gave them life, they struggle against the restrictions of the unimaginative sameness that they find in the demon city, being especially appalled at the garishness of Lieger's vision of bronze, though they will never be caught saying so, and sometimes when great works are being wrought in creation, whether they are summoned or not, they will find their way there to witness it and lend their own aesthetic to the process. To this end they have become masters of disguise and social intrigue, able to find their way into even the most prestigious of workshops unbidden, none the wiser to their true nature or their impact that they might have on an artifacts final form.

No mortal truly knows what they look like, as they will appear in creation already disguised, but some who have caught them off guard say they appear to be women made of fire and cloaked in clothes of flame.

Motivation: To create and influence great works

Essence: 3; Willpower: 8; Join Battle: 6 dice Personal Motes: 80 Health Levels: -0/-1x3/-2x3/-4/Incap.

Actions: Disguise: 7 dice; Senses: 7 dice; Read Intentions: 7 dice; Stealth: 7 dice; Social Influence: 7 dice; Craft (Glassworking; Metalworking; Ceramics; other fire based crafts):11 dice²; Appearance 4, Resolve 3, Guile 5

Combat:
Attack (unarmed): 8 dice (Damage 16)
Attack (Martial Arts Black Claw Style Style): 10 Dice (Damage 17)
Combat Movement: 6 dice, Evasion: 3, Parry: 4 Soak/Hardness: 10/0

Merits

The Lesser Forge Of Aster:³ The Forge Of Aster is the fires of the dying star that is C’al Siphar, the creator of the Sharar Al’Najm, and like their father they too have access to the forge as part of their being that they take with them wherever they go. As a Story Teller character the Sharar do not track crafting XP but has as much or as little as is appropriate for the story taking place. They can only perform Craft Fire rolls, and can not generate superior crafting slots of their own, but are capable of aiding crafters capable of generating their own superior slots.

Touch of Permeating influence:⁴ For the Sharar, to exist is to help create great works, and everything they touch bears this potential within it. Whenever a Sharar is able to touch a crafting project while it is being constructed, regardless of what craft ability it falls under, they may infuse it with their essence, the effect of which can range from allowing them to dictate some of its functions to aspecting it with their nature. (the effect of such an occurrence is up to the ST, however some examples may be that if it is an artifact it is likely that its evocations will gain a flame aspect to them, or if its a structure there might be a trapdoor where previously there wasn't one, it should always be kept in mind that the Sharar are most interested in making crafted objects greater, regardless of how this could affect them in the long run.)

The Hidden Flame:⁵ The Sharar were born on The Forge Of Aster and on The Forge Of Aster they can be born again. The Sharar always have the ability to remake themselves, altering their appearance to pass for mortal. When a Sharar enters a situation where they would need to conceal their demonic nature They automatically adopt a human form appropriate for the setting, appearing as a local woman or man of who’s only betraying feature is their inhuman beauty. They may hold this form indefinitely, and may also use disguise rolls to superficially alter their appearance when needed, but the Sharar do not repeat their works innumerably, and once they return to their native form, they may never forge the same appearance again.

Infallible Trust (Conditional):⁶ Although they do not have an innate desire to help humanity as their brothers and C’al Siphar do, and do not normally benefit from this merit, when people see them in their human form, they assume that they are trustworthy, and all effect individuals gain a minor tie of trust towards the Sharar. This tie can not be diminished until the Sharar sheds their current human form, at which point it diminishes automatically. However, for any mortal who has a tie of trust to the Sharar and then witnesses them shedding their human form their human form, such as with the charm Sacrifice The Form Familiar, transforms their minor tie of trust into a minor tie of betrayal.

Sense Greatness:⁷ The Sharar have an innate pull to great processes of craft, and if they are within 100 miles of a superior project being performed they can sense it and tell where it's location is.

Offensive Charms

thinking about adding one, not sure yet

Martial Arts

The Sharar has access to all of the charms in the Black Claw Style of martial arts at the terrestrial level

Defensive Charms

Sacrificing the Form Familiar: (5m, 1wp; reflexive; Decisive-only; instant; Essence 3)⁸The Sharar Al’Najm become very attached to the forms they adopt in creation and are loath to relinquish them, especially once they have become established in a local social circle, knowing that once they abandon that form they may never adopt it again, and so it is often only when their lives are threatened that they will reluctantly do so. If a Sharar is hit with a decisive attack, they may cause the flesh of their human form to harden into a burning black husk which then explodes sending shards of their form in all directions as a counterattack, rolling ten dice plus her enemy’s extra successes on the attack roll as a decisive attack against all characters within short range. Each character suffers a base damage equal to the extra successes the Sharar’s attack roll received against their Defense, and her Initiative is divided evenly among all characters to determine the total damage. The Sharar may then use the confusion caused by the counterattack to perform a reflexive stealth action.

Social Charms

Unquestionable Presence (How Dare You Question Me): (5m; Simple; one scene; Psyche; Essence 3)⁹ The purpose of the Sharar’s existence is to craft and to influence the crafting of others, and to do this, they will resort to any means to get close to the hidden works of others, or gain access to the magical materials they need to craft their own works, however their preferred method is to simply assert their right to be their right to be where they wish.
This charm supplements an instill actions against a questioning party, making them believe that the Sharar has the authority to go where they wish and that their presence is irreproachable. Treat all parties that would question the Sharar’s for the duration of the charms effect as if their resolve is halved (rounded down to a minimum of 1). If the Sharar succeeds in their instill action they gain a minor tie of belief that the Sharar belongs in the place that they are infiltrating.
If their rolled successes exceed the target’s resolve by two or more then they instead gain a major tie. If the rolled successes exceed the targets resolve by 4 or more then they instead gain a defining tie.

Miscellaneous Charms

going to add a charm having to do with forging here

Hurry Home (10m, 1wp; Simple; Instant; Essence 1): The Sharar extinguishes in a puff of smoke and vanishes on its next turn, drawn instantly to either its summoner’s side or the last workshop it crafted in.

Materialize (40m, 1wp; Simple; Instant; Essence 1): The Sharar coalesces from surrounding sources of heat, which extinguish as she takes shape.

Measure the Wind (5m; Simple; Instant; Essence 1): The Sharar can measure the nature of being who’s forge she has worked at or craftsmanship she has observed.

Authors Notes:

I didn't originally plan on making this first circle demon when i decided to make the Rijal Al'Ghurban, but after i found the image reference for the ghurban i tried to find one for C'al Siphar, when I stumbled on the image below and the idea to make a second first circle demon and have the two be a sibling species came to me and the entire concept of how they would work as the children who embodied the second circle demon's current form just came very easily after that, even though trying to figure out how to make that concept a reality through charms and stats took a while longer.

Footnotes:

1. Sharar Al'Najm means the read flame in arabic, originally wanted to have a name that meant the unseen flame or the flame of the stars, but that would of been way too long.
2. Originally wanted to have this be craft fire, like in 2nd ed, since i thought it would be thematic to have them have an elementally gated crafting ability, but we don't have mechanics for that any more so for the sake of avoiding any potential confusion i changed it to them having craft specialties in anything that might have previously been covered by craft fire.
3. I wanted the sharar as the crafter progeny of C'al Siphar to have access to The Forge of Aster, but that merit was a reskinning of aluvias forge of night, and too powerful for a first circle demon to have, so i had to incorporate some nerfs into it, and when i was done i thought it would be fun to call it the lesser forge
4. when i came up with the idea for the sharar as being drawn to great works of craft in the same way that the Ghurban are drawn to people in danger, it seemed very appropriate that they should want to have an influence on that, to increase the potential for change, as their progenitor is so fond of, and i had an idea for it being a "corrupting touch" but without the negative conotations that come with the word corrupting since the change should not be inherently bad, it should just be inherently beneficial to the concept of the work and work to make it better. eventually with the help of some frieds and a thesaurus i found a bunch of positively/neutrally aspected synonyms to corrupt.
5. This ability was in part inspired by the neomah's shape changing ability, and i created it in part because it would be necessary for the Sharar to pose as something other than a crafting fire demon if they were to be able to get into heavily guarded crafting facilities to influence the crafts there. after writing most of it i realized it could carry a lot of benefits similar to the sidereal ability to adopt resplendent destinies, and so might be too powerful for a merit of a first circle demon, so i added the attachment that they felt towards the forms specifically and made it so that they could never take them again once they leave, which i felt depowered the ability enough to make it balanced and also made for a nice aesthetic which i used as inspiration for the defense and social charms.
6. The adaptation of this merit was directly inspired by the previous merit, how the Sharar are one thing but then become another in their pursuit of craft, thinking about friends they might make, relationships they might foster, all in the effort of getting to a crafted item, and then the feelings of betrayal they would have to accept for those former relationships if they sacrificed the form.
7. This is really just an alteration to the direction sense, but honestly it felt right for the antagonist.
8. This charm is based on the defense charm that the second circle demon aluvia has, although it doesn't have the artifact armor granting ability, which i felt depowered it enough to justify it being given to a first circle demon.
9. Most of the charms i wrote for the second circle demon and their first circle progeny have to deal with putting distance between enemies, escaping conflict, or trying to avoid conflict altogether. the second circle demon does it because they are running for their lives most of the time, the ghurban do it because they have people they have to protect, but the way i was writing the Sharar was much more espionage. Originally i was planning on basing the social charm for the sharar on the one i wrote for c'al siphar that lets him hand wave people away and think hes unimportant, and i almost just copy pasted it, but then i thought it would be much more interesting to have a charm that does the exact opposite, and remembered the solar charm spurious presence and adapted my idea to be based a bit more on that.

Image Source: Ksenia https://cdna.artstation.com/p/assets...jpg?1477307917

[norraba]

Rijal Al’Ghurban¹, The Ravens Who Shepard Men
Demons Of The First Circle
Progeny Of The Forger Of Paths

Forged by the Demon C'al-Siphar from the remnants of his desire to help wayward travelers, The Ghurban are the long riders/flyers, messengers, and guides of the Demon Realm. According to their own legends it is they who first get the call each time a demon is summoned to creation and then relay that message to the desired recipient, guiding them along the way. They have traveled to the far ends of creation and beyond leading the wayward and or the lost, or even just the curious, often being summoned by adventurous sorcerer's seeking greater protection when venturing into hazardous lands and realms where mortals are better off leaving alone, but in their heart they know this is not their true purpose and from time to time they can feel themselves being pulled to creation unbidden by magic when a lost mortal is in need of help find their way home, especially when the mortal is a child who they feel an innate desire to protect.

From a distance the Ghurban might be mistaken for members of the birdlike Metagalpan Birdmen, but closer inspection reveals eyes filled with an above human intelligence which is further set apart by the Ghurban’s tendency to always cary a lantern and a shepard’s crook to guide the lost travelers who draw them to creation.

Motivation: To guide and protect those in need

Essence: 2; Willpower: 6; Join Battle: 7 dice Personal Motes: 70 Health Levels: -0/-1x3/-2x3/-4/Incap. Actions: Flying maneuvers: 12; Senses: 7 dice; Stealth: 6 dice; Read Intentions: 7 dice; Tracking: 5 dice; Stabilize Condition: 8 dice; Appearance 3, Resolve 3, Guile 3

Combat:
Attack (Claw): 6 dice (Damage 14)
Attack (Staff): 5 dice (Damage 10 Minimum 4)
Attack (Martial Arts Dagger Wind Style): 8 Dice (Damage 15)
Combat Movement: 5 dice (10 when flying), Evasion: 3 (5 when flying), Parry: 3 Soak/Hardness: 10/0 (Light armor)


Merits

Infallible Trust:² any mortal being who gazes upon a Ghurban, despite their alien appearance, knows that they are safe and in the presence of a being they can trust, and in this knowledge they are correct. All affected individuals gain a minor tie of trust towards the Ghurban

Perfect Confidentiality:³ A Ghurban can not under any circumstances be compelled to reveal the nature of the help they rendered to another, or even if they had helped the being in question at all, and when they choose to lie to uphold this, their guile is treated as insurmountable.

The Unmutable Form:⁴ The Ghurban being a guide and protector for the hopeless is immune to all degrading or damaging effects of the wyld and other realms caustic to living beings, and is capable of rendering that same immunity onto others so long as they rest in the shadows of his wings (limit up to 2 people)

Pathfinder:⁵ The Ghurban always knows the way to safety and can lead it’s charges there along the quickest path possible.

Offensive Charms

Staff Of The Good Shepherd:⁶ (3m; Suplemental; Essence 2) The Ghurban are always reluctant to enter a fight, preferring instead to flee from conflict in order to protect their charges, but the quickest way to force their hand is by attempting to harm those under their charge, or by attacking any children within their field of vision. Whenever an enemy attacks the Ghurban's charges or any children around the Ghurban while it is protecting them with a defend actions, the Ghurban may make an immediate decisive counter attack using their shepherds crook, which can be used to make a disarm or distract gambit. If the counter attack succeeds, the enemy is knocked back one range band.

Martial Arts

The Ghurban has access to the Dagger Wind Style of Martial arts at the terrestrial level up to but not including the cap stone charm due to not meeting the essence requirements

Social Charms

Bequest Of The Reluctant Guide:⁷ (10m, 1wp; Suplemental; Essence 2) Exploiting the minor tie of trust generated by the Infallible Trust, the Ghurban may roll double 8’s on any roll to persuade its summoner away from a path it knows is too dangerous for them.

Defensive Charms

Dodge Of Dimming Light:⁸ (5m, 3i; Reflexive; Instant; Essence 2): In an instant the light from the Ghurban’s lantern flutters out, only to appear in another location, adding +2 Evasion against an attack. A successful dodge allows the Ghurban to reflexively move one range band in any direction, if it wishes.
Call To Friendship:⁹ (6m; Reflexive; One scene; Essence 2): Even the demons enemies can’t help but feel a sense of comfort and security in the Ghurban’s presence, forcing characters to pay a point of Willpower before they can attack it in a scene unless they have an Intimacy that represents ruthlessness, pitilessness, or a desperate reason to fight it that is greater than the Minor Tie created by Infallible Trust.

Miscellaneous Charms

Hurry Home (10m, 1wp; Simple; Instant; Essence 1): The demon fades away and vanishes on its next turn, drawn instantly to its summoner’s side. This Charm is unavailable when the demon is unbound.
Materialize (35m, 1wp; Simple; Instant; Essence 1): The Ghurban coalesces from the darkness, a steadily growing light to shield from the bleakness of despair
Measure the Wind (5m; Simple; Instant; Essence 1): The Ghurban can discern the nature of anyone seeking it's aid.

Author Notes:

I came up with this antagonist concept after i realized that the grindle antagonist created by bogmod that i found on the exalted unofficial wiki was not going to meet the needs i had in mind for what i was going for. I needed a first circle demon that i could use as a base for the transformation merit in the sorcerous initiation merit, and the premade one i was trying to use had nothing to do with what i needed, which was a birdman who had the ability to survive in places like the underworld, malfese, and the wyld.
The original picture i had of them in my mind was the metagalpan birdmen, and the reason i chose the grindle in the first place was because their description fit that image very well, save for the fact that they were flightless, so i went on art station and started looking for images for inspiration. i knew that in making my own first circle demon i wanted them to be similar to C'al Siphar's original purpose in guiding lost travelers particularly in dangerous areas to account for their ability to withstand them, but it was only when i saw the image below that i got the full concept of them in my mind as shepherds of men.

Footnotes

1. Rijal Al'Ghurban is arabic for The Men Of Ravens/ The Raven Men and the pronunciation for Ghurban is hard to describe in english since there is no equivalent sound to what gh makes in our language, but for the sake of ease ghurban can be pronounced rurban
2. This merit is based on the Shimmering Crystal Beauty Merit from the agata
3. This merit was based on the idea of having the Ghurban be an open book, except in the case of when protecting the secrets of those he has helped, partially to prevent people from summoning them and forcing them to reveal where they had lead people that they had potentially helped escape from unsafe situations.
4. This merit is the main reason why i created the Ghurban in the first place, and it related directly back to their need to protect people as well
5. This is based on the merit direction sense, but i made it a tad bit better to fit with the Ghuraban's theme
6. This charm is based on the snarling guardian attack found in the dog/wolf antagonist under the animal section, it was latent for them, and didn't have a mote cost, so i added a knockback ability and came up with what i think is a reasonable mote cost
7. Got the idea for this from the charm devil seraglio way in Mara's social charms
8. This is a reskinning of the agata charm Kaleidoscope Dodge
9. This is a reskinning of the agata charm Jeweled Heart Allure

Image Source: Slawomir Maniak https://cdnb.artstation.com/p/assets...jpg?1413876560

[norraba]

Love the idea of a demond that escaped malfeal because it essentially rebeled against the primordial hierarchy

I might well use this joker in a later game

ah thankyou, this is the first response i got in regards to the demon's backround and writeup, is there any suggestions you have for changes that i might implement. also i'm going to have to look up some informantion on how to write up what would have been his charms before disconecting from lieger, although i don't think he would have much acess to them in the form of a symbiot, it would still be usful to have if people wanted to use him pre symbiosis.

[webkilla]

Love the idea of a demond that escaped malfeal because it essentially rebeled against the primordial hierarchy

I might well use this joker in a later game

[norraba]

The disguise should probably be a contested roll vs another character's Perception + Awareness, or perhaps Perception + Occult, rather than a flat difficulty.

I agree with the idea of a penalty depending on what it is that you're trying to copy, depending on how far away it is from you, but I also think the opposing party should get a bonus depending on how familiar they are to your target. (Assuming you go for the contested roll idea.) You copying a flame aura of a flaming demon (which you happen to have intimate knowledge of) against people that have never seen a demon? 0 for both parties. You trying to fake a raging Flame-Aspected Dragon-blooded anima in the face of a 200 year old Fire-Aspected Dynast? -5 penalty for the sorceror and +5 for the Dynast.

reading through the disguise rules, the contest of people being able to recognize the person trying to make the disguise is usually something that is done after the intial disguise roll, and after they have been in the presence of the disguised for some time, with the dificulty being determined by the number of extra success dice that the individual doing the disguise rolls.

What i'm getting at is that it would be hard to do this as a contested roll because then the person doing the disguise would have to reroll for every new person that saw them. i think it is fair to have the regular penalties to the roll based on the dificulty of the roll, and then allow any person who might have more intimate knowledge of the kind of flame aspected being that the sorceror is trying to disguise themselves as to gain an extra benefit to their roll, as you said, but i just don't think it is feasable to have it be strait contested since the roll for disguise is supposed to only be done when you don the disguise.

Edit: i hope this makes sense, just got back home and i'm a little tired lol

Edit 2: I understand what you were saying better now, I'll write up the fix and edit it in in the morning.

[Primefactorx01]

The disguise should probably be a contested roll vs another character's Perception + Awareness, or perhaps Perception + Occult, rather than a flat difficulty.

I agree with the idea of a penalty depending on what it is that you're trying to copy, depending on how far away it is from you, but I also think the opposing party should get a bonus depending on how familiar they are to your target. (Assuming you go for the contested roll idea.) You copying a flame aura of a flaming demon (which you happen to have intimate knowledge of) against people that have never seen a demon? 0 for both parties. You trying to fake a raging Flame-Aspected Dragon-blooded anima in the face of a 200 year old Fire-Aspected Dynast? -5 penalty for the sorceror and +5 for the Dynast.