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Things I Am No Longer Allowed to Do In WoD: THE REVIVAL!

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  • Things I Am No Longer Allowed to Do In WoD: THE REVIVAL!

    Had one of these on the old forums, decided to do it again.

    1. May not advertise the burnt remains of vampires as "crispy home-raised bacon".

    2. No longer allowed to slip Adderall into the blood bags ghouls sell to vampires.

    3. The Mjolnir Cannon is not a toy.

    4. Nor is the Mjolnir Cannon allowed to be used as "the world's greatest Taser" without warrant.

    5. May not goad people into "marking their territory" in known werewolf hotspots.

    6. May not slap a sleeping vampire and run away "just to see what happens".

    7. No longer allowed to start a sentence off with "it began by running over someone's foot repeatedly with a car".

    8. I am not Superman, so I may not ask a Mage to summon a phonebox so I can change into a costume.

    9. Not allowed to goad a Mage into creating a TARDIS, either.

    10. No longer am I allowed to meddle in the affairs of space and time "FOR SCIENCE!"

    11. The holy artifact of power my enemies are after is not to be used as a toothpick.

    12. Nor is it a buttscratcher.

    13. Nor shall it be used to smack the resident werewolf after a botched roll and go, "BAD DOGGY!"

    14. May not also use the sentence, "NO MILKBONES FOR YOU!" on any werewolf. Ever.

    15. No longer allowed to touch the Milkbones.

    16. Especially when a werewolf is in the room.

    17. No, I may not ask how the local Mage's love life is.

    18. Tarot cards are not to be used as toilet paper.

    19. Neither are strange, paper-shaped leaves from the Hedge.

    20. May not jump out of random hedges, topiaries and shrubberies in front of Changelings and go, "OOGABOOGABOOGA!"

    21. If I came up with it while drunk, it's likely not going to work on the resident vampiric Prince.

    22. Gangrels do not play fetch.

    Add your own!

  • #2
    Never again try to make a flying aircraft carrier with mage magic... they're big and not easy to hide.

    upon meeting vampire prince, do not ask him to sing a prince song for you

    do not ghoul a small army of cougars and assault the local forsaken tribe... cats are not better than dogs in this case

    never again Willi just "diveinto the hole feet first" without first asking if ithas a bottom

    especially when in the spirit world

    never respond to a Promethean having a hissyfit with "would you like some cheese with your whine?"


    • #3
      28. I shall not refer to a Promethean's torment at their own abominable existence and the way the very earth rejects them as a 'hissyfit'

      29. I shall not refer the head of the Ordo Dracul as 'Count Chocula'

      30. Nor 'Count Duckula'

      31. T-shirts bearing either of these two beloved icons are not to be worn when meeting members of the Ordo Dracul


      • #4
        32. May not bash in a Man In Black's head with a lava lamp.

        33. May not slip caffeine pills into a werewolf's drink.

        34. Or Vicodin.

        35. DEFINITELY not Viagra.

        36. May not get a bat-shaped cloak and have my vampire run around going, "Nananananananananana BATMAN!"

        37. My vampire turning into a bat and doing the same thing also counts.

        38. "Wiggling my toes" does not require an Athletics check.

        39. May not sprinkle holy water over the vampires.

        40. May not spray a coven of vampires with a hose from a "holy water truck".

        41. Nobody wants to hear my opinion on buttscratchers from the Aether. They will never "sell like hotcakes" during football games.

        42. Especially the Superbowl.

        43. No having a werewolf run across the field during the Superbowl to "play fetch" with the football.

        44. Or any Gangrels. (See rule #22.)


        • #5
          45. Not allowed to play poker with a Tarot deck.

          46. Even if I make a killing at it.

          47. Even if no one died the second time.

          48. Especially if I got the deck from a Mage!
          Last edited by Papa Bear; 03-05-2014, 11:42 AM.

          - If you must be ridiculous, I must ridicule you.
          - Those that can give up essential liberties in exchange for temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. -- Benjamin Franklin


          • #6
            49) If I'm going to see what happens when a paradox-induced translocated copy of my body is revived, I am to see it through all the way. I don't care if I feel like I AM losing my soul.

            50) Teleporting to Tokyo while drowning is a terrible answer for escape. Not because it doesn't work, but because of the sheer panic you cause.

            51) I am not allowed to immediately surrender to one set of enemies just because the other set of enemies is now chasing me down. The GM does not care how likely they are to fight each other when the probability of a TPK is over 60%.

            52) I am no longer allowed to bend time, space, and the fundamental forces of the universe to my will before I learn how to swim.

            53) My answer to the above cannot be retroactively re-writing my history so I know how to swim.

            54) In fact, as a general rule, if the revision of the universe could in any way thematically link to the invasion of the world at the flippers of dolphins or seahorses, I am not allowed to do it, particularly if my only motivation is that I never learned to swim before hand.

            55) I am only allowed to commit suicide three times per story and get away with it. The universe can only handle so much of that.

            56) I am not allowed, in any way, shape, or form, allowed to call myself the Impossible Girl if I die more than once in a story. THe GM can't handle a temptation like that.

            57) I am not allowed to set up traps at the tops of very tall places. Just because I want character death to be a thing doesn't mean others share my sentiment.

            58) I am not allowed to play a scheming vampire in a city I have no connections in. It doesn't work.

            59) I am not allowed to play a pansexual, incestuous vampire in a city I have no connections in. This isn't VtM.

            60) I am only to play honest characters if the only result that comes out of my lying is the inevitable devouring of a city.

            61) I am only to play honest characters if the only result that comes out of my lying is the inevitable covering of a city in tapioca pudding.

            62) The GM swears to whatever powers that be that If I try and stage a city-wide take over that comes anywhere near tapioca pudding again, in fact, he will have to castrate me.

            63) I am only allowed to play familiars if they have some form of drug addiction.

            64) I am not allowed to beat people with my wings.

            65) Darkwing Duck is not a source of inspiration for how to play a familiar.

            66) I am not allowed to eat the mob boss's child's face off in front of him. The existence of a child in this scenario means we're negotiating, and not over lunch.

            67) If I am not playing a vampire, werewolf, or appropriate fae, I am not allowed to have cannibalism be a thing.

            68) Particularly if I'm going to be a public figure.

            69) Or a sex worker.

            70) Or a teacher.

            71) I am no longer allowed to test the people coming with us by nearly stabbing their head. Particularly if they are armed.

            72)If I try and summon Verney one more God damned time, The GM is not responsible for what happens to me. In game or out.
            Last edited by ArcaneArts; 03-05-2014, 02:14 PM.

            Kelly R.S. Steele, Freelance Writer(Feel free to call me Kelly, Arcane, or Arc)
            The world is not beautiful, therefore it is.-Keiichi Sigsawa, Kino's Journey
            Feminine pronouns, please.


            • #7
              73) I am no longer allowed to bring bags of meat into my Purified friends Shadow-Sanctum-Spirit, just because i assure him that its name is Sievert and it'll come alive any moment now.

              74) When confronted by a snarling spirit, dont call up your gun-totting hillbilly friends to deal with it for you.

              75) Just because you have enough strength to dual wield gatling guns, dosen't mean its a good idea.

              76) Especially when I'm decked out in army gear and recently watched Terminator 2.

              77) I am no longer allowed to refer to Werewolfs are "Furries" or certain Changelings as "Cat-Girls".

              78) No. A sentient, insane, magical Paradox ridden sword of an order tool, is not a good idea.

              79) A burst of lethal radiation is not the Nucklear Promethean equivalent of a handshake.

              80) Luring Prometheans through a portal that leads to the Siberian tundra, tends to piss them off, rather severely.


              • #8
                81) I am not allowed to use anything from Inferno unless we are fighting a demon.
                82) No one in my group can go "Demon Hunting"
                83) Especially as mages.
                84) I am not allowed to play a Sloth Possessed in chaos.
                85) Or even take the vice sloth.
                86) Army of land sharks with frickin laser beams on their head is not allowed, but a zombie apocalypse is.
                87) All potted plants and lawn gnomes are banned. Especially if you make them out of plastique.
                88) I can't create a black hole on top of my enemy, for the reason of "I am going to die anyway".
                89) No one can bring their characters within the same state as their other characters of a different splat. For fear of the ST running chaos again, and a players haven getting blown up by missiles, having a black hole in his living room, being blown up by plants and gnomes, or a Slasher stabbing/punching everything.


                • #9
                  90) I am not allowed to lift the scripts of movie plots for my sessions.
                  91) I am not allowed to name my NPC werewolf's after characters from Laurell K. Hamilton novels.
                  92) Nor am I allowed to name my vampire NPCs after characters from Buffy: The Vampire Slayer.
                  93) Kelly Armstrong novels are fair game. So far.
                  94) I may not have the most important NPCs in ANY city in which the PCs are active be a vampire, werewolf, and Sin-Eater who live in the same brownstone. ESPECIALLY not if their names are Aiden, Josh, and Sally.
                  95) I may NOT cue my VtR mix CD and play Prince's "Seven" when I introduce the PCs to VII. Not again. Even if it is their perfect theme song.
                  96) I may not incorporate the Genius fansplat into my games by stranding the character in a small town in Oregon with a slightly dimwitted sheriff named Jack Carter, a trigger happy deputy named Jo (Josephina) Lupo, and hundreds of genius scientists whose experiments go predictably awry once a week.
                  97) Nor may I use the above as a realm of Arcadia.
                  98) I am not allowed to introduce the Aegis Kai Doru by having the characters stumble across a warehouse in North Dakota run by a grumpy old man named Artie.
                  99) I may not introduce another sociopathic and/or evil Promethean until I've included at least one non-sociopathic/evil Promethean.
                  100) I may not introduce a tall, leggy blonde Promethean named Six, Terminatrix, or EDI.

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                  • #10
                    101) I am not allowed to describe the setting along with the Storyteller in order to justify the existence of objects such as a bag of flour.
                    102) I am not allowed to use said bag of flour as a substitute for cocaine when infiltrating heavily-guarded areas.
                    103) I am not allowed to allow my companions to snort the flour in an attempt to pass it off for cocaine.
                    104) I am not allowed to show off while rescuing other characters from a burning building.
                    105) This includes making superfluous rolls while rescuing said characters.
                    106) I am not allowed to offer a mute child buffalo wings in an act of good will.
                    107) This extends to impromptu pancakes made with flour.
                    108) I am not allowed to entice Vampires with a vial of blood taken from Slashers.
                    109) I am not allowed to keep any remnants of a Slasher's body on my person.
                    110) Nor am I allowed to dismember a Slasher's body within a moving vehicle.
                    111) ...when a police officer is attempting to look into said vehicle.
                    112) ...or when we are being attacked by the allies of said Slasher.


                    • #11
                      113) I am no longer allowed to start a fan game of leviathan the tempest in japan.
                      114) nor am I ever allowed to play the Godzilla soundtrack when two leviathans fight.
                      115) Iam not allowed to use the sin eater passion key to cause everyone to be afraid of a teddy bear
                      116) When playing a gangrel I am no longer allowed to red surrender for every situation that includes highschool test as well as being called names at such as you "you smell" or "do you even shower"


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by jbw271 View Post

                        do not ghoul a small army of cougars and assault the local forsaken tribe... cats are not better than dogs in this case
                        I completely misinterpreted that first part...


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Shock View Post

                          I completely misinterpreted that first part...

                          117) In addendum to Rule 24, the definition of "cougar" includes the big cat, the local older lonely-and-seeking populace, and any sports teams with the word "cougar" in their name.

                          118) "FOR THE VINE!" is not a suitable battle cry for a Network Zero hunter.

                          119) Neither is the oft-referenced "LEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOY JENKIIIIIIIINS!"

                          120) At no point am I allowed to make a character named "Leeroy Jenkins" of any splat, present or future.

                          121) In addendum to Rule 118, no longer allowed to use Vine to take quick snapshots of the supernatural.

                          122) No summoning a corebrook from our world in the WoD! For the eight-millionth time, that has and WILL break reality!


                          • #14
                            123) I am no longer allowed to make a west Virginia hillbilly mage

                            124) said mage shoud not cast his spells like Bruce lee, especially with no formal martial arts training

                            124) school teachers most likely know some type of hardcore fighting style at lvl 4 or 5, why? Idfk as my ST

                            125) said school teachers typically also has enough weapons for a small army

                            126) cougars ( big cats) are not as easy to pass off as german sheaperds as youmay think

                            127) especially when there are 3 dozen of them

                            128) and they're size 5

                            129) and your holding a conversation with them as you walk them down the street without a leash.

                            130) apparently cougars are illegal to own in newyork without a license.


                            • #15
                              131) "The Cult of McJagger" is not a good antagonist for a game.

                              132) There is no such power in the WoD known as "The Hidden Moves of Jagger". (Yet!)

                              133) Right Said Fred should not be asked, in-game, to compose a Daeva's theme music.